How I think my friends are more caring than my own blood...How sad...

Blinking noisy neighbourS upstairs.. or is it just those 'things' making a hell of a racket coz they are not able to penetrate my humble abode to snatch some of my life's savings?

Well, let them make noise all they want, knocking on the ceiling, banging on my windows.. I don't give a rat's ass of that.

Couldn't sleep.

Just thinking of how shallow thinking these people are. I'm about to go on my vacation this weekend, .. well, tomorrow..oops.. it's already tomorrow..well, OKAY! Sunday, 7am! to pickup Ulat at the train station and head on down to our vacation destination with all the other friends who'll wait for us there.

Told my mom that I'm going on a trip with the company my husband's working in. She just asked me 'When?' 'Tomorrow' I said. She couldn't care less and just ignored me after that. So I just walked off into my room as usual. Hurt.

I know I've told them to stop bothering my life and scrutinise everything my husband do or I do, for that matter, in our lives. Doesn't mean they'd have to ignore me totally.

Now, living under one roof with the whole family. I still feel that I'm home alone.

Listening to the soft, rythmic snoring of my husband right now, the only comfort in my life is to assure myself that my marriage is strong and steady with him all the time and that it won't crumble (touch wood) like all the rest of the world's marriages.

Marriage is like a Souffle... You shout one hurtful word and the whole thing falls, crumbles, sink in. You stick a knife in it, it will go out of shape and remain that way.. tho it's still there.. it's not the same..

(sorry.. taking a moment to watch this beautiful giant python on tv in National Geographic.. woah... big snake..! Long and giant snake! These people are crazy!!!! They caught the snake that needed about 6 people to carry!! They're weighing that snake just to break record of the heaviest snake they've caught! sheesh!)

Oh ya.. back to the topic! Sorry... a bit sidetracked there.

Here I am, trying to do the best I can to keep my relationship as husband and wife with my hubby, people are just trying to ruin it. I don't understand why people have to be so jealous that we both are happy! I don't understand why people have to say hurtful things about my husband just to spike me against him!

"You cannot be totally honest to your husband! Certain things you must keep to yourself! What if he leaves you in the future and use all those against you? (Are you hoping that'll happen to us? Are you telling me now that you don't like my husband after a couple of years knowing him and THEN you decide that he's no good for me and trying your best to poison my mind against him for the following 2 yrs? What the hell you allow me to get married to him for in the first place? Couldn't you have said something before the wedding? Well, I guess SOME people are never satisfied with their lives that they had to ruin other's happy lives!)

People are just jealous that I have a husband who's caring, soft-spoken, considerate, helpful, a great cook, who dotes on me, takes care of me 100% when I'm sick, buys me stuff to keep me from being lonely when he's busy at work, who brings me to a spa every month, who is a graduate from Australia with honors, who's earning twice as much as my fuckin' ex-fiance and who says that he will remain faithful with me till we grow old even if we don't have kids!

Jealous yet? Of course!!! Because my life previously was a stinking pile of shit that everyone looooves to take advantage of. I had no life, so they made me commit to helping them throughout!

But now that I'm married, it seems that they're feeling that I'm being pulled away from the family and that they feared that they can't get my help anymore..

Being bullied, when I told them to tell me in advance what they wanted me to do so I'd have ample time to prepare and get it ready for them.. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... they prefered to tell me at the last minute and wee hours so that I'd spend my time helping them instead of spending precious times with my hubby in bed!

There! I said it!

So now.. when my husband's pissed off at the constant inconsiderations, and I wanted a little bit of privacy... they decided to be childish and totally ignored me.. and THEN said.. "oh. I thot you and your husband want some PRIVACY.. so we thought we can't disturb you or tell you ANYTHING at all!"

Wow... how childish can you be? How old are you, by the way?

I'd rather be with friends, who never compared me, who always try to help me, who always supported me in anything I wanted to do unless it's bad and they would advice me based on experiences.

I'm fuckin 34 years old, for god's sake! Don't they think that I should learn to live on my own with my own husband??? Don't they think that I am ALLOWED to make bad decisions and wrong execution of my life? NOBODY would learn ANYTHING if they're not allowed to do these things rather than to stick to their family's rules all the time.

Plus, other members of the family, chose to ignore me after I was being humiliated in front of my husband by them and yet my mother just snide and smiled at the corner of her mouth and never tried to do anything to stop it from happening. She never defended me because she thinks I have someone to defend me and I'm married to him.

erm.. helllow!! They're still under your care! I'm the eldest! You let them talk to me like that?? After years and years of sacrifices I've made for them?

Oh.. I guess they forgotten after they've reached puberty that somehow depleted them of some braincells that gives them a good brain to think what is wrong or right. Oh, and they're old enough to get married.. oh.............. I forgot!!!!! They can't get married because their wife or husband will be criticised and they will get humiliated in front of them!!!

Riiiiiighhttt!!!!!!!

You dote on them, thinking they'll support you at your old age.. but guess what... if they're willing to turn a cold shoulder on me for the slightest things and can barely stand to be in the same room with me, how would you know that they won't do that to you in the future... They're too conceited to see my sufferings and sacrifices all these while because YOU chose to keep it a secret from them! Which made them think that I'M the one who is disobedient and inconsiderate!

PISS OFF!

We'll see who has the last laugh!

As Bon Jovi said, IT'S MY LIFE! AND HAVE A NICE DAY! YOU SHALLOW-THINKING IMMATURE PEOPLE! I REALLY DON'T NEED YOU, AT ALL.

People are sometimes cowards...

You know.. sometimes, some people are just cowards.

Instead of talking to us and finding out what happened, they'd go around asking other people and making their own assumptions of what is going on with our lives..

Like, please, Jagalah tepi kain sendiri, instead of being overly kaypoh towards our own lives.

If we hear a friend who seemed to be sulking and seems to be in trouble, we'd approach and ask him/her what happened. If that person doesn't wanna open up to us, it means that he/she is hating us. That's fine with me. But like hell, even if we did something wrong, they could've at least confronted us instead of being cowards! Right? We can accept if we are in the wrong.. But hey! If we never do anything wrong, how can people accuse us for no reason and worse - making their own assumptions!!

Hey, like I'm not an adult and like I'm not married. I've got the right to live my own freakin life with my husband. We've got the right to stand up on our own feet and do what we want.

Just because we don't go visiting, doesn't mean that we are cutting off relationship with relatives.. Come on... How shallow thinking can u be? You all accuse us of avoiding relatives.. but do you ever consider asking us why? Do you ever consider asking your mothers if they've ever said that they hated us because we can't visit?

Do you ever consider how difficult our lives are while you all grouped together and go out with cousins and aunties together on vacations without even asking us along or consulting us?

While u all are enjoying yourselves, do you ever think that we too have feelings? Why? Why in the world would people think that we decided to avoid everyone?

Did you ever think that the problem is with my health? SOME people have cursed us not to have children of our own.. Does that mean I have to still love them somehow?

SOME people accused us of things that we never do or things that we don't know of and putting words into our mouths without even finding out the real truth. Does that mean I have to still believe in what they say?

These people are just cowards. Without even asking us directly, they ask people around us who've been living with us or are close to us, thinking that they know everything that we've gone through.

People just don't know how much I've suffered emotionally and physically until at times I just feel like jumping down from a high-rise building so that nobody else will have anything to talk bad about me behind my back.

MENGUMPAT ITU ADALAH DOSA YANG LEBIH BESAR DARI BERZINAH! So I consider you all BERZINAH seratus kali ganda!

Go ahead. Talk about me and my husband all u want. Talk about how bad we are ALL U WANT. Coz in GOD'S eyes, you all who GOSSIP are just pure ADULTRESSES!

My sins and my husband's sins are our own to bear.. but u guys are the worst! You who are involved won't try to understand us and accuse us are much worse! Worse than our own sins. At least we keep to ourselves and try not to get involved in other's affairs, especially to those who accuses us.

THE MORE YOU TALK BAD ABOUT US BEHIND OUR BACKS, THE MORE SINS YOU PUT ON YOURSELVES.

And oh, by the way, YOU WON'T KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH UNTIL YOU HEAR IT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH ITSELF, YOU COWARDS!

I don't care who you people are anymore. You all who talk bad and accuses us with your own assumptions are liable to be sued for demoralising reputation.

So, from now, I JAGA TEPI KAIN SENDIRI (which I have done so for so many years since), and you all got no right to accuse us of anything. We've so much kept to ourselves. Only going out with close friends that WOULDN'T BACKSTAB US as we've done everything possible to help friends and never try to hurt them. WELL, I'M SORRY IF U ALL ARE A BIT TOO OVERLY SENSITIVE about our usual jokes and concerns. WE'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR GOOD! Thanks for nothing!

SEE U ALL WHO ARE INVOLVED, IN COURT!

FIBROIDS: To Op or Not To Op! Please help me!

About 2 years ago, I went for my check up as I was having irregular periods and pain in the abdomen caused by it.

I was referred to a specialist in KK Hospital and referred to a nice lady doctor there who is now my gynaecologist. In her opinion, after scannings, ultra-sounds, pap smears and regular medication, she told me, I had better hold off on the operations of my 7nos fibroids in my womb if I were to want to have kids.

At least, have one child first and when I give birth, they will do the operation on one go.

Reason being, if I were to operate on my womb now, my womb might not be strong enough to hold my fertilized egg long enough to carry it to terms. I may only have a slim-to-none chance of conceiving to full term.

I hold off on my operations after getting 3 different doctor's opinions saying the same thing. 1 is the gynaecologist, 2 other is my personal doctors.

So in the hope of getting a child, I lay off on the operations first. That was 2 years ago.

I struggled with the thought of having a child and that stressed me up so bad that I resorted to drinking all sorts of herbals and stuff that old folks swear by it that can make my womb stronger.

I resorted to torturing my husband to take herbal drinks and pills so that the chances of us conceiving is greater. Many months and many money later, still no results.

I started to have the excrutiating pain on my left side of the womb every month. I've taken all sorts of painkillers and tonics to reduce the pain. Still, I've suffered enough till I'm being questioned about my MCs by the company.

So I decided to take drastic step and a last resort, to save my health and my job.

Operation to remove the fibroids that are constantly growing in my womb.

My husband even assured me that he didn't mind if we didn't have children but get my health back. He will stay with me forever.

But, let's face it, which husband doesn't want a zuriat of his own seed? In time to come, he will have the wanting of pitter patter of small feet around the house.

In the meantime, we'd have to settle on my cats to keep him entertained.

Who knows! Insya'allah, when I go for my operations, with the permission of God, I might have kids!

What's your opinion, girls!

I really need your support.

Life's like this for me... Why?

Sometimes I wonder why I do things for others and help others. Is my generosity and kindness are targets for people to take advantage of me and when they don't need me or my husband, we are just cast aside like disposable containers?

I feel sad just thinking of how much I loved my friends but when I'm away, I make efforts to try and keep in touch with them, or ask them how they are doing or even set a date for all of us to meet.

It seems that nowadays, some of my friends just 'shy' away from my invitations to meet up as a group of friends. I am just wondering why.

My questions have not been answered. Some friends are avoiding me to the extent of not answering my sms or emails or messenger messages.

I am concerned of their M.I.A. Are they in trouble? Are they having a problem and needed to be left alone? Did I do anything wrong that I never realised? Did I do anything that's sooo bad til they refuse to return my calls?

I feel sad. It seems that people might have misunderstood me for some reason. And I'm not even sure why or what.

If people choose to shun me away because of misunderstandings, well, then, that's not very mature, is it?

Yes, people who has problems will shy away from crowd or friends.. but please, don't tell me, you're in contact with some friends and not the others.

I feel that people have positioned me in such a manner that I feel that I'm not worth making friends with.

I will always try to help others who asks for help or do things for friends I love and adore.. but if people chose to avoid me, then I can't do anything to please them.

If they hate me for no apparent reason, then I'll let it be.

But in any way what so ever, I will apologise if I happen to unconsciously made a mistake or hurt someone. People can always point it out to me, instead of shutting me out.

But never mind. I will still remember them wherever I go, or wherever I am.

Even when I'm travelling I will always tell my husband, eh.. this friend likes this stuff! I will buy it for their birthday.. hence I will buy it and keep it till I give it to them on their birthday.. coz I want them to know I care and still think of them...

Hope they do the same for me.... because all these years, even with my Secondary school friends, I will still keep in touch and give them a ring once in a while or wish them Happy Birthdays and stuff like that.

Never in my mind, have I ever tried to hurt my friends unless they hurt me first.

This is just a pouring of my heart out.

If I'm not worth making friends with, just let me know and I will leave you all alone...

Thanks for everything...

Taking It In Strides

These past few days got me thinking, IF WE DON'T help ourselves, will anyone else?

My husband and I been trying our best to save money for our future. Maybe who knows, if God permits, I would have a child of my own and the savings would of course be a great help.

One thing tho... I have to be selfish at times to a lot of people in order to have savings for my future.

Having to suffer some ailments in my aging body, I too need savings to cope with my medical. On the outlook I might be happy and cheerful and healthy to people.. but I'm just bearing the pain inside.

So, in my bid to restore my self-esteem and my confidence in my future, I HAD to be selfish. Sometimes blood members tend to need help when it's not so important at the moment, I just have to refuse, knowing they've got other sources to get from. I HAD to refuse with a tinge of guilt.

Gosh, When will I be able to stop feeling guilty for other's mistakes and mishaps? When will I able to feel guilty for not taking care of my own needs? When will I be able to feel guilty for not being able to care for my husband's needs, now that I'm married? Will my guilt overwhelm my priorities in my own marriage?

After all, in my religion as taught by religious teachers all over my country and others, all said the same thing. A woman, when married, her obligations and priorities shift from her own family and parents to her husband as a wife. A man, when married, his obligations and priorities shift from his family and parents to his wife, as a husband.

They are bounded to each other by marriage no matter the outcomes of their family, after the blissful union bounded by ties of matrimony. The husband is supposed to provide and care for the wife FIRST before taking care of his other family member's needs and the wife, is bounded to the husband and her priorities are to take care of the husband's needs, well-being, and to obey his wishes.

I wonder..... it hasn't come up in my dictionary for I am still bounded by my own family as long as I'm staying under one roof with them.

When will I be able to have my own castle to build? My own moat, my own guardian dragon and my own Prince Charming all to myself?

I'm under a spell that bounded my hands and feet to the family's dungeon.

It's time I take it in strides and do something for myself before it gets worse. I seek solace and the company of good people to help me through this excrutiating ordeal. 

I especially love my husband for always being there for me, in sickness and in health, thru good times and bad times, we stuck together, never knowing the meaning of giving up hope and always working things out between us together. Never caring what people think about us.

Sure, there are ups and downs in our relationship, but it has never ever reached to the point of not talking to each other. hehe...

But above all, as an individual, we all must learn how to be independent sometimes, knowing what we want in life and make an effort to make it better and make it happen instead of sitting around waiting for the moon to fall into your lap.

If it's not right, and you've got the opportunity to correct it, just DO IT! If you think it's worth the try, DO IT! If you think it's good for you even when people around you say it's not, and it's not gonna hurt anyone or do any disastrous damage to anyone, but benefits you in return, just DO IT!

F***kin Lazy Day & Upset with the F***kin world

Waaah.. very the garang u know my title! But really, I'm just fedup...

People made me fedup and caused wrinkles and crow's feet around my eyes coz I'm always scowling at people for the wrong reasons.

Bear in mind, ladies. Make yourselves cheerful all the time to reduce wrinkles betwen your brows and around your eyes... PLUS a tip from my wonderful makeup artist guide, PUT CUCUMBER SLICES ON EYES AND RELAX!!

Trust me... this comes from a mother of a teenager, who does NOT look a day older than 25! And she remained looking like that for years already.. POW!!! FOO YOH!! I envy her actually but can't seem to keep up with her beauty routines... But BOY does SHE LOOK GREAT!

Still, I'm really pissed at people for taking me for granted and treating me the way they treat me.

HAVE THEY LOST THEIR MINDS...????? I'M FARKIN WORKING HERE!!! I HAVE A LIFE OF MY OWN!!!!! WHY!!!? WHY MUST THEY BOTHER ME??? WHY MUST THEY KEEP TABS ON ME WHEN I'M ALREADY MARRIED????????? FOR FOUR YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AM I SUPPOSED TO DROP EVERYTHING AND PAY 100% ATTENTION????

BESIDES THAT, my stupid, ignorant, push-over manager is giving me a HELL of a headache!! He's pushing me all his duties.. Man!!! Just give me your pay and I'll become the MANAGER! Since I'm doing his job!!!

I feel like telling my BIG BOSS to replace him with someone more efficient!

Another option is when my husband's pay reaches $4.5k soon, I'll just be a Tai-Tai!! hehehe...
No work, ALL PLAY! (psst... dreaming... dreaming.. but maybe your dream will come true soon enough)

I'm just hoping and wishing he'd get the job in Dubai, which will make me a wholesome Tai-Tai.. AWAY FROM TROUBLE AND PROBLEMS! AND VERY NEAR GREAT SHOPPING AREA... (all items included in package). House provided, car provided, expenses provided, flight provided, and I just enjoy the view and tour the whole of Dubai... haiiizzz... dreaming, dreaming...

I just dont like it here anymore.. sorry, patriots of this country. But I'm really pissed at this money-faced society.

I've learned to live the hard life.. sometimes with just $2 in my pocket, $10 in my EZ Link Card, and Billing Officers hounding me with overdue payments.
I've cried alone at night before, during the downward fall of economy.
I've suffered in silence before when I had to help my family and left me with nothing to eat.
I've gone hungry and depended on 'sideline' boyfriends to treat me to dinner.
All because I didn't want my other family members to suffer.
Yes, I was that desperate..
..But I was silent.

But still, people took me for granted. My silence is my mistake coz they always take it as though I'm well to do and I am stable financially.

But even if I were to say, I WANT TO BE A TAI-TAI, HUSBAND EARNING $4.5K AND I LIVE IN THE PENTHOUSE WITH AN AUDI R8 TO DRIVE AROUND IN, I WILL SAY....

I DESERVE IT FOR ALL THE LONG YEARS OF SACRIFICES I HAVE MADE AND IT'S HIGH TIME I BE HAPPY FOR MYSELF!

THERE!! I SAID IT! SO WHAT? YOU WANNA CALL ME CONCEITED AND MONEY-FACED? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! COZ I HAVE NOT HAVE THE PLEASURE SINCE BIRTH!

SO I DESERVE IT!!

When it's really tooo much...

Why do my folks treat me this way? Haven't I been a diligent daughter? Always helping them in every way I can ever since I've started my own career.

Treat them the best I could with what little I have. But still, I have never felt appreciated in my life.

Ego gets in the way of saying nice words to me. Ego gets in the way of praising me. Ego gets in the way of making them feel proud of me.

They think that my career is a joke. Because whenever I go to work, they start hounding me with questions that I can't answer or help them with when I am at my job.

I have told them many times that my job is serious business and employers are keeping hawk's eyes on employees. Employees aren't allowed to do personal business or stuff at work DURING working hours!

I've only started my new job not long ago... and I'm working in a semi-govt multi-national company which is owned by the minister's in-laws or something. I CANNOT be fooling around while these eagles are watching...

And I'm blogging this on my personal pda, ok! Too small for anyone to think that it's actually a mini computer. But then again.. I'm doing it after office hours. I have a hectic day EVERYDAY that involves buttering up to the Directors and Snr Directors and CEOs. It also includes members of parliaments, and grassroots leaders and etc and etc.

These are of VIP status and needs full attention for me to coordinate with my team as to what needs to be done in preparation for their daily or weekly meetings here.. in this building I work in.

Explanations about working in a semi-govt company didn't actually get through my folks minds i think... coz they keep on calling me to solve problems that is impossible to solve through the phone provided how 'wide' their vocabulary is on matters of technology.

I mean, I come home and NOONE bring up the problem. When I go off to work, they start calling me at work! I mean, DID THEY THINK MY JOB IS A JOKE TO THEM?

AM I EARNING MONEY JUST BY SHOWING MY FACE AND DOING NOTHING?

I am the sort of person who sticks to duty and not break rules unless they are really stupid and irrelevant.

I mean... be reasonable.. but when I explained to them about the rules and regulations of my job, they just pretended not to listen.. they heard, but they never listen.

They'll go one saying that I'm not helpful anymore..! Hey!!! Different workplace, different rules!! Some workplace might be flexible, some are not! I have to stick to rules or I'd get kicked out of the company then who would want to pay for all the bills?? Have they ever thought about that?

But no... they assumed that my husband and I are spendthrifts! And that we spend all our money on irrelevant things..!! Little did they realise, that I have incurred a lot of their spending on myself.

Sigh....... Just tired....

Worried about Hamster

I'm in my office and in desperation for my site office's internet broadband has NOT been setup yet and I'm like here for about a month!! Can't do my job properly and communication is bad and work is not done properly as there's no proper execution through black and white. Fax not working, internet not setup, email not setup. Sigh... How can anyone work??

But it makes me wonder how difficult it is during medieval times when they send out messengers (the horse-ridden human ones and not the MSN ones) to another STATE or VILLAGE to get the message across... That's how I feel now.. But times are slower paced during medieval era.

Now when it's a fast-paced environment, IT IS HELL WITHOUT INTERNET AND TECHNOLOGY!!! GAWD!! I CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM, BUT NOWADAYS I CANNOT GET WORK DONE WITHOUT THEM! (okay.. calm down, annie.. calm down... they'll get it up EVENTUALLY)

Well, in desperation, I used my Motorola K3m to connect to the pc using USB cable and logged on to the internet just to vent out my frustrations... Nowadays, without internet nor technologies, I'm bummed out. There's no motivation at all!

Besides having to do things manually, I finished my paperwork at a 'Speedy Gonzales' mode. By afternoon, EVERYTHING's done!!! All I can do to motivate myself more is do research. And without internet I can't do research!!

But enuf about my frustrations, Back to the topic at hand.

I'm just worried about Hamster. She sms me and said her frustrations and depression about losing a loved one and how her family is treating her like sh*t! hellow.. WHY is it that ALL flesh and blood nowadays have NO sense of care and respect towards each other??

Is it ALL about REPUTATION AND MONEY???? I know Hamster is a very loving, caring, sensitive person. And to ruin her self-esteem and hurt her like that is disgusting. Disgusting to the point of me puking my guts out to the person who hurt her.

She's my friend. She's going through hell. The least that these people could do is give her some slack for gawd's sake!!! People who really care for her are really concerned about her well-being.

Hamster!! Princess! Pleaaasseee don't do anything you'll regret later. I know you're missing a big chunk of your heart if a loved one were to go away. I cannot imagine or fathom how you would be feeling right now. But I've lost a loved one before.. and at best, that person PRETENDED to care for me for 9 god-damn ugly wasted years.

YOU helped me out, Hamster!
YOU were there for me even though not physically.. but mentally,
YOU've helped me get through all these.
It's time I HELP YOU...
PLEASEE....
I know you need time to settle down your thoughts and feelings...
But please DON'T do anything stupid okay??

Remember the good times we've had, though only met you and know you for half a year.. but I've known you since you were 17!! Now it's almost 7 years we've known each other.. Doesn't that account to something?

I love you, Hamster. As a friend, I really love you....! You've always been spunky and fun and smiley-faced, and so lovingly irritable with your touchy-feely attitude.

Don't lose that character!

I am glad that someone's always around to keep an eye on you.

I might not be around physically all the time but I'm just a call away and we'll be coming to your aid anytime you need it.

My husband and I pray for your health and safety. I hope when you've settled down your thoughts and feelings, go out with us and just release everything.. We'll always be here to give you a listening ear and heart.

I wish you well, and hope for the best in whatever u are going thru right now...

Just bear in mind...

WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU
TO CARE FOR YOU AND HELP YOU!!
WE LOVE YOU, HAMSTER!

Had my 3rd photography assignment involving kids...

Hey.. I just had a photography assignment last week to photograph an event (okay, corrected the spelling... heehee) involving kindergarten kids.

You know, kids moving around and performing for their graduation day. A tribute to their teachers and the kids dressing up in their graduation gowns and stuff..

I was kinda nervous then, but relieved after the event was over. It was an exciting photography assignment and also to add to my portfolio and experience and learn from my own mistakes.

Now comes the difficult part. Editing pictures and looking at them, makes me wonder and I'm nervous till the pit of my stomach coz I am not sure if the client likes them.

Knowing the viewers are gonna be teachers and parents, I'm sure they'll be fussy about how the pictures will turn out, whether their kid is in the picture, whether the teachers are in the pictures, whether the pictures are clear and to their satisfaction.

I'm really nervous and I hope I can get it done before Monday!!! They want it by Monday!! Just have to rush a bit. It doesn't affect me about the timing. I can make it..

What affects me is the customer's reactions to the photos.

Just wish me luck coz my self-esteem is down and I'm nervous as hell and it would really crush me if the customer is not satisfied as they've paid for my services.

Here's a sample:

(to be input later tonight.. maybe.. if I'm not tired...)

Hari Raya 2007 - Colourful decors.

Hari Raya came on the 13th of October... Celebrated with much foooood.. and not forgetting the pride and joys of decorating... every year....

Here are some beautiful house I've visited, including my own house.. hehe.

Zania Cher's House. VIBRANT & DARING.









Uncle Wahid & Aunt Anim's house: ARTISTIC AND CLASSY.

My Grand Uncle's (Tok Jasid) house: MEDITERRANEAN TOUCH

My Grand Uncle's (Tok Muji) house: RETRO FEEL

My Uncle Ali's House: MODERN BUT SUBTLE.

My Own House

I cost $145.50

here's the deal. you look it over the following list and see how many of these things you have done. BUT you have to ADD up the money amount along the way. then post the amount that you are as the title of your blog.

1. Had sex: $25.00
2. Smoked: $10.00
3. drank: $5.00
4. Went skinny dipping: $10.00
5. Kissed someone of the opposite sex: $1.00
6. Kissed someone of the same sex: $5.00
7. Cheated on a test: $7.00
8. Fell asleep in class: $5.00
9. Been expelled: $10.00
10. Been in a fist fight: $10.00
11. Given oral: $10.00
12. Got oral: $10.00
13. Prank called the cops: $10.00
14. Stole something: $10.00
15. Done drugs: $10.00
16.Dyed your hair: $5.00
17. Done something with someone older (like a few years): $10.00.
18. Went out with someone OVER 18 (if your under 18): $10.00
19. Ate a whole bag of oreos: $10.00
20. Cried yourself to sleep: $0.50
21. Said you love someone but didnt mean it: $1.00
22. Been in love: $5.00
23. Got caught doing something that you shouldnt have been doing: $10.00
24. Went streaking: $1.00
25. Got arrested: $10.00
26. Cuddled: $1.00
27. Peed in the pool: $5.00
28. Played spin the bottle: $10.00
29. Done something you regret: $5.00

I am screwed up. haha! Guys and girls.. Must try it. haha! Very fun!

A wolf in sheep's skin among us... (updated: 29th Sept 07)

Sometimes I really wonder...

Why people betray me? Is it because I'm too trustworthy? Is it because I'm gullible? Is it because I trust people too easily when they feed on my sympathy?

I have friends... well,.. so-called friends... I love all my friends and whoever who likes to hang out with me. But as it turned out, friends who ALWAYS say to you "You trust me, right?" or "Don't worry.. tell me.. You don't trust me, is it?", or "I'm your friend, we know each other quite long time and you should know me. I can be trusted"... are always the ones who can't be trusted.

They feed on your empathy about them. They make you think that your enemies are their enemies. They make you think that they're on your side.. But being a gullible person, I guess I trust people too much and that's a habit I've adapted to.

People tend to take advantage of that. I pour out my feelings to friends whom I think are trustworthy, can keep a secret. But I feel that, I've never done anything wrong or betray them.. but they end up betraying me.

You can see that they are your bestest of bestest of friends. You are made to think that whatever you like, your so-called 'best-friend' also like. And thus, trust is established as the person likes what you like, agrees on everything you say and also becomes your spy for you voluntarily. That person will feel insecure if you don't talk or joke with them sometimes, thinking that you found out something bad about them. Or they themselves feel guilty for what they've done but wanna act innocent and still be friends with your enemies to save face.

I've had 'friends' like these throughout my life and I won't know if I'm destined to be betrayed my whole life by friends who thinks they can make you trust them for life.

This changes my perspective in life. NEVER TRUST ANYONE! NOT EVEN YOUR FAMILY OR SPOUSE! BECAUSE EVERYBODY LIES! TO SAVE THEIR OWN ASS.

I'm just pointing out that WE MAY BE FRIENDS, but that doesn't mean that ALL can be trusted.

I love my friends... I will trust them as long as they never betray me one bit.

I have kept all their secrets for may be one day it will act as a weapon for me, WHEN they betray me. (noticed I used the word 'WHEN' instead of 'IF'?) Because friends always betray you in the end.

You have ONLY yourself to trust coz you know what you're doing. Even if you don't know what you're doing, you can trust that YOU KNOW what you do or didn't do, and that's betraying yourself.

This ends my transmission...

I am deeply saddened by people's attitudes that called themselves 'friends' and 'shoulder to cry on'.

I hope that they won't do this to other people in their lives because in the end, THEY WILL END UP ALONE AND MIGHT AS WELL KILL THEMSELVES.

I am a sympathetic person and if you choose to take advantage of my empathy and trust, then it's a guilt you'd have to bear for the rest of your lives for it will haunt you forever.

Complain all you want about me, because I don't even trust any complaints thrown at me without reason.

I love all my dear and closests of friends... Hope you all appreciate the efforts I put in into our friendship and stay true to your words.

I hate to have a dagger stuck in my back. Who doesn't?

To all my friends who thinks they won't betray me, I love you all forever and will still keep in touch with me through happiness or trouble. I love you all.

It's very sad for me to go.. but I must do what I must do in order to survive in a world full of deceit.

And for those of you who betrayed me, I hope you're happy and satisfied with what you've done to my ricebowl. You might not notice that your actions have led to another's destruction but my advise is beware of other daggers pointing at your back in the future. When you've suffered what I am suffering, THEN you'll feel the pinch but it's too late.

For now, I have to find another ricebowl to make sure that my family is being taken care of in terms of living their daily lives in a smooth transaction into tomorrow.

LATEST UPDATE:

I have done some investigations and it turned out my hunch was right. The betrayer is the correct one but little did that person know that I was onto the betrayer's steps.

The best part is people who've read this blog, didn't even realise that it was meant for that person.

I have got feedbacks from various people, on different times and questioning them alone. All of them had justified my feelings. So far about 4 people have confirmed it. That person is very very sly and I don't even know if that person knows what he/she is doing.

By doing what he/she is doing, he/she is hurting people's feelings. By being their 'best friend', he/she is getting in their good books. And by doing that, he/she is gaining their trust.

My good friends, hear my plea. I don't want you to get hurt by this person. So be careful on what u say around others, and be careful what you do too for it can cost you your career and ricebowl just like what this person have done to mine by doing what he/she is doing.

I shall not say anymore for it is for you all to judge and consider. If you all think that I'm the bad one, well, it's up to you coz I'm the victim here.. Just think about it, what have I ever done to you all to deserve this kind of deceit and lies from this particular person.

I have done nothing but be nice to all and try my best to help... but some people just tend to take advantage of my kindness by igniting fire to the oil, taking utmost advantage of me and my husband, to be used like his/her slave at his/her convenience without considering whether we are ourselves needing help.

To this, I end this particular subject and never to be brought up again unless that person realise it him/herself and ask for my forgiveness and admitting his/her wrong doings.

I shall not confront for it will be adding oil to fire. So I leave it at that.

May the guilty person live with it for the rest of his/her life.

To Betrayer: Talking bad about a person that has helped you throughout and THEN pretended to be a good friend to the person you're talking bad about, is nothing more than a betrayal. So my blog is justifiable.

Thanks, pal.

My Photography Portfolio ( Part Deux )

Well, the photography went great last Saturday. I tell you.... PANASSSSSSSSSSSS!! Pictures and the weather, I mean.. haha! It was a fulfilling time doing my photography with my great 'models' with attitude! haha!

Esther didn't know how to pose at first.. Both Shamira and I tot her how, and later on when she got the hang of it, SHE HERSELF gave her own attitude!! Good job, Esther.

I need not say about Shamira, she's a natural POSER! hahah!!!! I don't have to instruct her on anything... mentel, right? HAHAHA!

IT WAS DAMN HOT DAY! We did a few shots behind my office, it was great as there was a lot of 'vintage' & 'rustic' scenery that I love... lots of messy things around but the focal point was the models... I focused on the models, fading the background, and I also made them fade in the background while focusing on an object in front of me... I used perspective views for photography so the model looked like she's hanging vertically from halfway up the ceiling.. stuff like that..

It took us about almost an hour to get ready, Shamira made up Esther's makeup, 'gothically', they brought along their nice clothes. When ready, we went out for the shoot. It was really hot, I was perspiring like it's raining. It was a lot of fun too as we were laughing and laughing.

I had to get Esther to put on seductive poses, slutty poses, attitude poses, well, posses that tell stories on her face... Same goes with Shamira... but I didn't have to tell her anything as she was already having those slutty, attitude, sad, gothic, 'mamasan' poses ready on hand at every click.

We took like one hundred over shots then went back inside the office to cool down, and we took shots in there too... in the cupboard, under table, those office sluts kinda pose, or the bitchy young jap office girl style.. hahah! Amateur tho! But at least all of us gained some experiences.

Caught in the act by my boss while we were resting in the office with all the makeup and clothes... I explained to him we're just doing some photoshoot outside and we came in to cool down... He was asking us whether the place is good for photography? I told him we love the rustic look... and he just nodded in acknowledgement and out of curiosity and he went back to his meeting.

After cooling down, we went out again and this time went further down to the alleys to take pictures... It was getting too hot, and I was getting tired and so, we ended our session at about 3.30pm. I was really exhausted...

Xuezz turned up at the office to pay us a visit during our photography session but we had already finished...I downloaded the photos onto my laptop and we ALL had a blast looking through all the 443 pictures!!! Was doing some captions along the way and was really laughing our heads off making fun of them.. hahah! Some looked like pictures shot out of Matrix, some Ju-On, some The Ring, some like 'Mamasan' and her understudy... it was sooo funny... but we had fun..

I had to wait for my husband to finish his job... and we left about 5plus in the eveining. Shamira & Esther decided to go home. We sent Esther home to put her belongings, and we sent her to the bus station to take the bus back to her kampong in JB, then sent Shamira home and my husband and I break our fast.

LOOOOVE how my pictures turned out, but halfway through editing, my husband decided to get me a new harddisk for my laptop coz my present one was infected with some spamming virus of some sort.. and it really really slowed down my laptop.

So right now, my new harddisk is still a 'virgin'. SOOOOOOOOOOOO EMPTY!!! I had to install back my Windows XP & editing softwares, and right now updating the windows on my laptop. Sigh...... All the pictures and documents in my old harddisk are not accessible at the moment... so my editing will be delayed... haizzzzzzz..., I've turned my old laptop harddisk into my external harddisk... and I've not released the access permission on my old harddisk.. hence... I still can't access it now as a 'slave drive' so I could at least upload a few of the edited pictures for your viewing....

Well, I guess we'll all have to wait a while...

My photography portfolio

Shamira, me and Esther decided to do some photoshoot today with soft photography and gothic.. Hope it will turn out good. It's my first time with models... Hope I can accomplish this with ease since I've played with my Nikons (Coolpix 5700, D70s & Coolpix P5000)... Just some experiences I need after experimenting on my own...

I've asked them to bring clothes and gothic makeup and locations are abundant around here.. Planning to make black and whites too..

Wish me luck!!!

WANTED: ADMIN/CLERICAL JOB FOR ME.

Hi,

Since people here don't like me.

I've been contributing to this company a lot.. and in the end what do I get? Nothing.... You know.. people been complaining about me and these people has got nothing to do with my job AT ALL!! IMAGINE THAT! ALL THE KEPOHS IN THE WORLD! THIS IS THE WORST!

MY OWN BOSS never complained about me.. He's happy with me, I do jobs for him on time, I do my own duties on time and in proper way... I help others in need, I help my own dept boss just as well.

I contributed to every whim of this company, I became an entertainer, emcee and singer during their festivities celebration, I became the deejay, I became part of the organising committee, I make them look good, I became the festive decorator, I became the graphic artist of this company for their website and notice board, I helped out adhoc duties to management and stuff.... but in the end, I'm the victim of deceit. Just because that bimbo gets all the attention and she don't know ANYTHING about doing her own job (simple stationeries distribution and ordering and adhoc paperwork like photocopy and such) but she gets all the attention from the management.. What a sleazeball bitch! She don't even know half the things we talk about in a group and you can actually see her face gone blank and staring at all of us talking... She don't even catch no ball when we joked using synonyms and such. And wow.. her 'England' is damn 'powderful' when she has to email to ALL STAFF (including degree holders and bosses) stating facts and acting as though she's in charge in the email about certain things..

I myself don't understand what she's talking about.. Sheesh.. And she's so 'GOOD' & 'Efficient'???

Oh and her email.. it has all the additional 's' where there shouldn't be and words so simple like 'convenience' or 'convenient' are distributed just like how she distributes the stationeries... so farked.

So, if anyone has heard of any admin asst or clerical job available that requires zero stress cos I don't want any stressed-up job that will get my panties in a bunch, then let me know..

Thank you very much.

STAY AWAY! HAVING PMS! I'M DANGEROUS DURING THESE TIMES.

RIGHT! I'M TELLING THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD TO STAY AWAY.... I'M JUST RANTING AND RAVING BECAUSE I NEED TO RELEASE TENSION BECAUSE OF MY PMS!! IT'S UNCONTROLLABLE! SO I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT ANYONE SAYS RIGHT HERE OR WHATEVER PEOPLE COMMENT... THIS IS ME.. DON'T LIKE IT? F OFF.

Morning come in office and was in pain from this stupid period. My back aching, my mood swings is terrible. I'm usually a nice person.. but there comes the days in every month where I grow cranky.. My friends understand me... my husband understands me and he usually keeps quiet when I get angry around these time of the month.. He knows it's just my hormones talking... Some of my friends don't understand... and some of you holy people will criticise me for my farkin attitude.

Early morning come into the office and I was laying my head on my desk for 10mins to relax myself, there's the stupid bitch came strolling downstairs in her LOUD, PITCHY, SCHOOLGIRL SQUEELS LIKE A PIGLET raped in the sty, being so-called mentel like streetwalkers in Geylang Lorong 14, talking to the guys as if she owns them all. So mentel that it got on my nerves, told her to SHUT UP and called her a bitch. Yeah, that's me when I'm pissed off at some girl who thinks she owns this company and acts as tho she is the boss when she's of lower rank than I am. Slow in the brain, slow in her job, and when there's jokes, she always never gets it...! I called her a stupid airhead bimbo.

She plays drama in front of her 'so-called' manager and acts as though she's under stress and cries.. yeah.. BOOHOO! in front of her 'so-called' manager and the manager takes pity on her and lessened her work burden but adding it to another subordinate whom already had enough burden on her hands.

Hence, this airhead bimbo, gets off scott-free whenever she makes a mistake. The best part is that she is always so kepoh of our directors documents, which by right, she or either any one of admins are prohibited to touch or see... I guess she's sooooo close to this director that most probably she's giving him free 'service' and that he always goes out with her, breakfast, lunch, or dinner and even goes shopping & breakfast in the morning of a WEEKEND! Yes, I'm basing on facts and not rumours. I saw it with my own two eyes that she went out with him sometimes secretly..

You know what the best part is?? The director is married with kids, and the airhead is about to get married to someone else!!! wow... what a story out of OC! Yeuck! It's sooooooooo disgusting that whenever i see her walking around with her nose in the air and her stupid voice like Nyonya in the market selling fish... IT JUST MAKES ME WANNA PUKE THE HELL OUT OF MYSELF! She's soooooooooooooo slimy to the point of toxic and dangerous.

Yeuck!!! DOUBLE YEUCK! When she is trying to act like a decent good girl with her glasses, and pink clothings,, eeeeewwww...... and sometimes she acts innocent 'not knowing' that her silicone-padded BRA is exposed ALMOST exposing her non-existing boobs to the whole god-damned world... and the best part is her 'so-called' manager insists that noone is to dress too sexy in the office (or so she claimes) but makes no notice of her own staff who exposes her tits to the surrounding guys.

Purrrleassee.. as if she got something there to show.. If I were to yell into her bra, there'll be ECHOES a mile away.... Keep your 'mosquito bites' under wraps okay, bitch? We don't need to see those 'raisins' spilling anywhere... We prefer papayas or watermelons or even sufficient grapefruits.. but not 'raisins'.

Stupid bimbo's voice is giving me more grave pain than I already have.

THIS IS JUST MY RANTINGS AND RAVINGS FOR YOUR READING PLEASURES... NOTHING MORE... YOU CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT... BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICISE ME COZ I'M JUST AS A WOMAN AS U ARE.. AND DON'T DENY THAT SOMETIMES, SOMEDAYS YOU TOO FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT SOME IDIOT IN YOUR WORKING LIFE.

Life's a tree full of rotting fruits...

Life's a bitch,

You plant the seed,
You give them water,
You provide them nutrients,
You heal their wounds,
You help them grow,
You love them so,
You correct their mistakes for them,
You dress them up in expensive decorations,
You build a lovely garden to surround them,
They grow up nice and beautiful,
You are proud of them,
You brag about them to your friends and family,
You are proud of what you can do for them,
You love them to bits,
You protect them from harm,
You talk to them when they feel lonely,
They grow up more independent,
Refill their thirsts from the rain when you're not around,
Getting nutrients from the soil when you're not around,
You found your new garden in time,
You love your new garden,
The plant that you nurtured,
You want it to be in that new garden,
But the plant refused,
Hated the fact that you are providing a new and better garden for them,
You end up living in that new garden alone,
You are scorned for having a new garden,
Even though you visit the old garden,
You give the garden what nutrients and care you can give,
But it's not enough for them,
The plant that you nurtured scorned you for having a new garden,
The plant did not realise that with the new garden you are helping the old garden,
The plant did not realise that whatever it feeds on comes from the new garden,
The plant just assumes that it comes from the old garden all these while..
The old garden was out of nutrients,
The old garden has exhausted its nutrients,
New garden provided for the old garden out of love,
The plant doesn't care as it grows taller and stronger and more independent,
The plant forgotten about the care and love it has received from you.
All it ever think about is why you have a new garden and not help the old garden.
The old garden gets all the nutrients but it's not enough as it has tall, healthy plants to feed,
The tall healthy plants bear fruits but it feeds the beautiful birds that visited them,
But the healthy plants have forgotten about the old garden that received nutrients from the new garden to feed them and make them healthy.

You sit alone with your new garden.
Your new garden makes you happy, but in the distant you see the old garden,
Old garden struggling and protecting the healthy plants,
But healthy plants forget about the old garden and scorned the new garden for no reasons.
What can u do but sit in your new garden and nurture your new garden for you are not allowed into the old garden anymore.

Wait till they themselves become a old plants and their flowers wither and fruits rotting on the ground, old garden is not there anymore to feed them, and the new garden has long been gone, and the beautiful birds left them.

Let them rot away in their lonely forest full of deceit for they didn't know better and never want to know what is really the root of all their lives....

My 34th Birthday...the most fun I've had.

My 34th birthday was the most fun I've had in years. This time was really full of suprises....

23rd August: The day started out as usual.. Go to work, reach work before 8.30am, switched on my computer and do my job. Usual day.. and at 11am, started our usual calling on carpooling during lunch, asking around on who is following who for lunch. My husband called me and asked me if anyone's coming with us for lunch.

So, I asked Yaty if she wanted to follow. She said she might not be joining me for lunch as she has a lot of things to finish up. So I said Okay. I asked Shamira, and she said she had to help Yaty do the job. Yati & Eshter at another job site wanted to join us but I said it was too far to fetch them and they changed their minds. And so, Manzur, my husband and I set off to go for lunch.

We went to Hjh Maimunah restaurant near Joo Chiat for lunch. Wow a good treat today. My husband told the waiter, that we have bookings for 12 people. I was like 'Huh? 12 people? Who's coming?' And then I had a thought, 'Maybe, my husband's treating his technicians for lunch after successfully completing the electrical shutdown service?' I just shrugged and just sat at the long table reserved for 12 people as directed by the waiter. My husband went to choose the type of dishes for us to eat.. or so I thought.

When he came up about half an hour later, he brought along 4 other colleagues from HQ - Yaty, Constance, Joanne & Shamira! And all along I thought my husband is treating the workers under his care, a lunch treat. I put on my bestest pout at my 4 friends and they laughed at me. hahah! But I was so happy that they came... We enjoyed the food there and I was like all the while taking pictures and eating coz I was really, really hungry... hahah... Shamira tried to eat the 'chut-chut' - a shelled seafood which you'd have to suck out the content. They are usually cooked in spices and coconut milk. It's kind of savoury and only a little hot. And so she tried and tried to suck out the little bugger from it's shell... I've recorded it on video so watch how funny she was trying to suck the 'chut-chut'. Must have skill....

After the lunch, the 4 of them decided to leave earlier than my husband, Mansur and I. So as not to arouse suspicions or jealousy among other colleagues. (Sheesh! Give us a break once in a while!)

And so the rest of the 3 of us, went back to HQ as usual and finish the other half of the day working. A small pile of documents for me to finish. (SOMEBODY was pissed because under my boss' instructions, she must stamp the received date stamp & sign on EVERY document that she received before passing it to me. Well, tough luck, B****! That instruction comes from a higher authority! Neh neh neh neeeeh neh...! )

Evening came, and as I was finishing up my paperwork, Yaty came to my desk and asked about my husband. I thought she was merely asking if they could get a lift to the MRT station or something. So I asked my husband about it. And he said he got some work to finish up and might be a bit late. I told my colleagues... and Yaty told me to come upstairs with her and I thought why not? I've finished work and she most probably hasn't and needed my company.

And so I went upstairs, but I noticed Yati grabbed my camera along, and dragged me to go upstairs. I was puzzled. Why would she grab my camera? And WHERE IS EVERYBODY ELSE? When I went upstairs, the pantry was pitch dark. I groped around but could see some light lah.. not so dramatic sia.. Then a bunch of people started singing birthday song and I saw the lit candles and I was surprised..!! Oh My Gawd! A surprise birthday for me!! I was sooo damn *bleep* happy! Never had a surprise birthday in donno how many years!!

They sang me the song, gave me the present along with a small and sweet purplish bouquet of flowers.. how sweet.... Even SARAVANAN was there! I could just slap him.. but I didn't ..hahahah! It's a love-hate kinda thing between colleagues. He's so goondu sometimes. Eunice, Mary, Joanne, Shamira, Yaty, 'Mat Container', my hubby all there to wish me happy birthday. I waited for my husband to come up to the pantry to make my wish actually. But I did it anyways, with or without him. Made my wish.. (can't tell you), blow out candles, cut the cake, read the birthday card and open the present. Hell.. it was good fun!! But I really did not expect them to buy me a present that I've always wanted sia!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're really good friends... they know what I like! At first I thought it was a bottle of perfume or something lame like that (ahah! just kidding!). But to my surprise, it was something that only recently had found but my husband said to buy it next time when we've saved the money - Tarot Cards! I love them! Always wanted to own a set, always wanted to know how the future readers do it. Wanted to learn how out of curiosity but never get to because couldn't find those cards. It's not common here in Singapore. And even when I found it, it was dang expensive! But my friends got it for me!!!! I SOOOOOOOOO LOVE THEM! THIS WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY FOR ME!!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!!Here are some goofy pictures of the birthday...! And so ends my pre-birthday day.

(to be continued... about 24th August)

Yesterday was a lot of confusions and coincidences...

Hey,
Yesterday, work was as usual... But lunchtime came and everyone wanted to join me and hubby for lunch.. and since most of us are big sized.. and my car can only fit 5 people, one by one backed out from joining us for lunch.. but I didn't mind coz we all had lunches together almost everyday. Yati A, Yati B & Shamira decided to stay in from lunch.

E.P. from one of our site offices came to HQ to do some blueprintings for submission and she joined my husband, Manzur and me for lunch.

We did some cam-whoring in the car... whaahahahah!



Did a little black and white photography of old building staircases at Geylang.

We went to Joo Chiat coffeeshop for lunch. Upon reaching Geylang and on our way to the coffeeshop after parking the car, we came across a shop named Shamira. Manzur made a joke. "Eh! Since when Shamira got shop here!?" Wahaha!

At the coffeeshop, see below..


E.P. ate rice with sambal sotong (her favourite), veggies and sambal kerang.

I eat Nasi Rawon.

My hubby ate white rice with this wierd looking fish called 'Ikan Ayam-ayam'. Ayam = chicken. This fish doesn't look like a chicken but its meat texture is like chicken. Well, they say 'Everything tastes like chicken!" wahahahah!

Manzur & hubby tucking into their lunch with full concentration.


This cute cat begged me for food.. So manja!

Then after lunch, we went to pick up my tailored Baju Kurung from Joo Chiat for a while. Here's a glimpse of it.

The receipt showed this name because my husband reminded the tailor of the so called famous 70s singer because of his sideburns. haha! What a joker!

Here is Manzur and E.P. posing at the tailor shop. hahah!



Came back to office. Did our work... Evening came...

Went back towards our home after dropping E.P. off at her home. Went to have our dinner at our neighbourhood hawker stalls...

While we were having our Mutton Soup and bread (still full from our rice lunch), I saw a drink stall named Shamira!!!



What a coincidence! All in one day... ! Maybe because this is what I get from not having lunch with Shamira! AARRGGH!!! The witch!!! HAHAHA!

Goddamned FREELOADERS!!

You know I am a generous person... but there are limits to my generosity. There's a limit when people are freeloading from me ALL THE TIME!!

I don't mind if I buy things or food for my friends and they love it and appreciate it. I'm not a stingy person like some or certain people thinks I am. I love to help people and I love to give people things or food whenever I can and can afford it.

They're my friends so.. why don't they deserve my generosity when they've been good to me? BUT FREELOADERS!? NO WAY.

I work, yes. I do favours for my colleagues, yes when it's concerning work. But some people tends to step over the boundaries and never realise it that they are being stingy and also freeloading to the extent of irritating me.

I do things for work, yes. But when it comes to personal and they are linking it with work.. then sorry.. I'm not that type.

I do freelancing photography and stuff like that. I DO get paid for my efforts and talent. After all, my cameras and my accessories and my energy are NOT FREE.

But when it comes to my doing it as a hobby and I get recognised for my talents, I don't appreciate it when people freeload from me.

Out of work context, I was doing photography as a favour to a friend for her birthday. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with work, even though people attending the birthday are co-workers and colleagues and friends. I have no idea WHEN was I announced as the company's OFFICIAL FREE photographer.

I don't mind doing it when it's officially announced AND doint it FOR THE COMPANY! But for personal birthdays??? And asking me for the softcopy of ALL the photos! That's too much! I can give it to my friend who's birthday I took photos of as a favour and gift to her.. BUT NOT, distributing my work as some useless pieces of photos and of no value, as and when they like! And anyways, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPANY'S EVENTS! I HAVE COPYRIGHTS RIGHTS, OKAY? AND BY THE WAY, I would really like it if people appreciate my work a little bit more than just to ASKING EVERYTHING FROM ME FOR FREE!
SHEEESSSH!!! LIKE MY LIFE AND MY CAMERA AND MY EQUIPMENTS BELONG TO THEM????

Please lah..... You can appreciate my work.. but then, come to think of it... Where's my benefit from doing all the photography for them?

I get my freelance fees for my own efforts and THANKS TO MY HUSBAND, MY PARENTS AND MY FRIENDS, NOT the company where I work my day job!

And they got the cheek to DEMAND.. yes, demand, not ask or willing to buy my work - ALL THE PHOTOS FROM ME!

WHAT THE......!!!??!?!

Company events, yes. Personal events, depends on me. Whether I wanna give it to the friend I'm doing a favour for, OR to charge my work.

THERE IS a borderline to generosity when people TEND TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! I HAVE MORALS AND INTEGRITY TOO! AND I TOO AM NOT A FREELOADER! I like to pay for things when I want them.

Much to other's hissings, I DO treasure my efforts.

I dunno... You think!?

Something happened to someone that got me thinking.. Are all your friends and colleagues honest to you? Or are they just making friends with you to cover up their ass? Or your superiors who showed interests and buttered you up so that you are motivated to work hard and please them but stab you in the back just because you're a different colour?

Is this a racial issue? Noo... it's obviously office politics... In which, I don't play. I don't like office politics but everyday we ARE surrounded by it and we have to play by it, no matter how hurt we were.

The BEST thing is that... bitches who pretended they were hurt by rumours spreading, really have cold hearts and would keep on doing what in others' eyes are wrong... and they felt nothing.. no embarrasment, no shame for their morals... and they kept on doing it, no matter if their loved one felt hurt when they witnessed it themselves... but still the bitches kept on doing what they think are right to them... but the fact is they are wrong.

And we wonder,... why all of a sudden, the bitch who just entered into the office just barely a year, gets all the superiors - even the ones whose jobs doesn't have anything to do with the bitch AT ALL - eating out of the her hands!

I thought to myself... Wow... she must have really either drugged these people to follow whatever she says or... she must've done some voodoo magic hocus-pocus spells on them to be wagging their tails whenever she danggle a bone in front of them....

Wow.. What a witch! Basically, I love witches.... but NOT that BITCH OF A WITCH.
Back to the topic... I had to make a little detour to 'The Bitch of the Week' story which I was gonna tell later but just to rope in a few ideas, that's all.

Well, the question is.. When will you know that it's time to move on in your career..? Make the next step? Or know that you're not wanted anymore in your office and be the butt of all jokes (career-wise) with your superiors who'd rather listen to office rumours and jeolous co-workers, than listen from the horse's mouth? I thought they're much smarter than that and that's why they're made superiors?

Or is it that the world is coming to an end when people starting stamping on employees foreheads the race they are and NOT the TALENTS they are!? And superiors started believing in rumours rather than 'seeing it to believe it'!?
Sometimes, we gave everything in our lives to our career just to satisfy our superiors,.. but they don't see it,......... just because......... they don't like you OR the color of your skin OR your cultures OR the culture in which you were brought up!

Reality check! THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO SEES YOUR TALENT BASED ON THE COLOUR OF YOUR SKIN in this world! CAN'T DENY IT! THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE LIKE THESE! It's just that they don't admit it for fear of being reprimanded by the MINISTRY OF MANPOWER which spells the government who in turns protects their citizens by imposing rules to make everyone happy but the followers are just followers for fear of ... again.... being reprimanded. NOT because they like the idea... but because they have fears... fears for their lives... fears for their worldly things and fear of their future...

Reality check! THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO SEES QUALIFICATIONS IN PAPER RATHER THAN RAW 'BORN-WITH' TALENTS! WHY WOULD THEY WORK SO HARD WHEN THEIR PARENTS EDUCATED THEM WITH FIRST CLASS EDUCATION AND BORN WITH SILVER SPOON IN THEIR MOUTHS so that they can achieve a piece of paper that says they're qualified to do so-and-so? But basically, has no talent whatsoever in the working world. NO experiences. All they have is a piece of paper that says, they know these things... Try FACING them with the challenges and they're dumbfounded.

I AM so sick of office politics. As I have observed, those who knows how to butter up superiors with words of 'fake love' deserves a better understanding, a better pay, a better respect, a better acceptance into society than those who toils hard with years of experiences on their hands to path them into a better future & having all the knowledge in their minds and thinking power rather than refer to 'Book of Dummies' for further instructions.

Well, these are office politics... You'll know it when you're not wanted anymore and there's time for you to leave to face a better future, despite knowing that your career was based on RUMOURS from other's mouths that you're incompetent rather than seeing it themselves what we've done all these years to suit their needs.

Without us - the hard labourers - there wouldn't even be superiors... or even a whole company.
So... thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankkk youuuuuuuuuuuu!

Met ANOTHER old friend!!! What a small world!

Yesterday, I had to stay with my husband as he had to put in extra hours (till 1am... *yaaawn*) at his worksite as there were some problems that had occured which needed to be attended to urgently.

But before we go to his worksite, we had dinner after office hours @ Anjappar opposite Mustafa Centre. It was the first time we ate there, but my husband insisted that it was recommended by our Indian comrades. And so we ate there... We had the Na'an bread to be eaten with their side dishes & gravy. We had the Butter Na'an, Garlic Na'an & the Plain Na'an. Side dishes were the Lobster dish (spectacular to the taste buds & cheap too), Crab in some dark curry sauce & the Vegetable cooked in yogurt! Wow... 3 half pieces of different flavoured Na'an bread and 3 different gravies, we were full! That was the tastiest Indian food I've eaten!

While I was washing my hands and my husband paying for the bill, upon returning to our table, my husband told me he saw one of my old friends passed by outside the restaurant. He described her to me and told me that she recognised him and was looking at him and almost slipped on the sidewalk while walking towards another eatery. He described to me how my friend looked like and I knew it was my old friend and former colleague, Murni! She and I were colleagues in the same department in Singapore Press Holdings for about 4 years before I moved on to another department (Asiaone.com).

I went to look for her and greeted her and we were so happy to have met each other since Kushi's wedding and she asked me if I was still in contact with Kushi. I told her Kushi does contact me when she's in Singapore but it has been a while now since she's contacted me. The last time was in February and I haven't heard from her since.... I missed her too. I'm guessing by now, she's already flew back to England to be with her husband, Rob.

I remembered her wedding well... It was so colourful and festive in Indian traditions & culture. I wouldn't know how she hold her wedding in England.. most probably in England's way and cultures. Hope Kushi will contact me again soon.. I missed her much.

Murni and I still contact each other through our friendster.com accounts. She was always so bubbly and cheerful! So we decided to take a picture together for the memory...

Later around 9pm, back to my husband's work site to do my updatings online while waiting for him to finish his duties in solving the problems. I wasn't bored at all... coz even though I couldn't watch my 'Prison Break' hero in action at 10pm on Channel 5, I got to watch my husband's colleague's DVD collection of 'Prison Break', Season 2. I only watched the one they are showing on Channel 5 yesterday. I didn't wanna touch the next episode for I wanna keep the suspense till next week. Shhhhhh... don't tell me!

Updating my friendster, editing my pictures, chatting, surfing and watching 'Prison Break' all at the same time helped me to pass the time... I didn't even realised that it was midnight later when my husband finished the job. But we had to get up early next day to get to his work site as early as possible to be able to attend immediately if anymore problems popped up.

There ends my day... tune in next time for more updates! hehehe...

I've got issues today..... sigh...

Was helping a friend of a friend today to find a job in photography and suddenly I thought of Richard Simko. Yes... he's an angmoh... I sorta fell in love with him before I even met him. Because he's such an honest and a nice guy... a glimpse of wat he looks like.... Val Kilmer.. kinda.

We knew each other through chatlines and we never missed talking to each other everyday or our lives... talking about anything under the sun.


We kinda got crushes on each other and turned to video-messenger to talk to each other to pass the time and when we miss each other... We even said 'I love you's to each other.. and was aching in each other's heart to meet each other one day... We sometimes talked on the phone.. not long conversations though.. if we wanted to, we'd turn on the video-messenger. We could talk and chat for hours.... talking about photography, digital arts and travelling & cultures. He learned a few Malay words from me daily. Hope he still remember those words I tot him.

He's one talented guy! Check out his website http://www.richardsimko.com/


In the end, after almost 2 years of knowing each other, we could not stand missing each other so much that after much deliberations and considerations and mutual understanding, we decided to see other people. And all because of this long-distance relationship....sigh...


My heart aches for the one person who fell in love with me because of who I am and we have never crossed paths or get to meet each other. Even tho we both have been through tough times with our separate love lives...


But that was a long time ago... We're friends now.. although I think he is the one who permanently declared that we are just friends now... even though I secretly love him.

I met someone else over the internet and got married to this prince charming of mine... but somehow, somewhere in my heart, I still ached to see Richard.... one day.

Richard moved on dating other girls and one of them broke his heart and he told me about it and I would really love to slap that girl who broke my Richard's heart.

Well, he's travelling to Thailand for vacation right now.... Hope he'll be back soon. Can't wait to see his photography. Told him I'll miss him. But don't think he knows that I really DO miss him and love him secretly only.

Have fun on your journey, Richard dear.

It's a sin I have to bear despite being married to a husband I really love for his love for me. He's a wonderful husband... wished I could give him more as a wife. I remain true to my husband.

I may hate them sometimes but...

Family is our flesh & blood... I may hate my idiotic brother or my spoilt-brat sister, my old-fashioned thinking mother or my fierce dad or my troublesome brats cats... but they're still my family...

I hate the way they put me under a microscope.
I hate their old way of thinking.
I hate their selfish acts.
I hate that they forget about what I've done for them all these years.
I hate that I can't move an inch without asking their permission.
I hate that they treat me like kids when I'm already married.
I hate that whatever decisions I make, they disagree with it.
I hate that they asked for my advise but when I gave them, they never take heed.
I hate that they think that I am not considerate.
I hate that they think that I'm always pocket-full-of-money.
I hate that they exclude me and my husband whenever they shared a good meal.
I hate that whatever we do, we feel obligated to serve them too.
I hate that I feel guilty sometimes for not having enough money to buy food home for them.
I hate that they make me feel guilty for not being able to buy them what they want for their birthday.
I hate that my brother thinks of me as an imbecile.
I hate that my sister is drifting apart from me since she's turned teenager.
I hate that I am not able to be open-minded with them sometimes coz they always think that I'm making wrong decisions.
I hate it when they think that whatever I do with my husband DOES NOT SATISFY them.
I hate it when I want to feel free with my husband, but they made me feel obligated to help them on that day.
I hate it when I am trying to help them but they're never seemed satisfied with whatever I can afford to give them.
I hate it when I feel upset when my mom just went overseas without uttering so much as 'Goodbye' to me.
I hate it when I feel that I missed the old times with my family and don't want to admit it because there are certain things I can't admit that will cause more problems being brought up in conversations rather than comfort of acknowledgement.
I hate it that I'm staying under one roof with them and if I happen to leave, they'll be pissed poor without my help.
I hate it when I feel like an outcast among my other 2 siblilngs.
I hate it when my mom favours my brother and sister rather than me.
I hate it when she defends them not matter if they're wrong and blamed it on me.
I hate it when I'm feeling divided and torn between the affections of my husband and affections of my family.
I hate it that I'm not in Australia or New Zealand starting a new life of my own with my husband and having my own ranch or farmhouse.
I hate it that I'm not able to give whatever my family desires JUST to make them happy and satisfied if $$ is all that counts in their eyes.
I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT.

But what can I do? They're family.

Meeting an old friend for the FIRST TIME!

Wow... today was great. I heard yesterday that my friend, Shamira was coming to my office to have an interview for a job. I had emailed her resume to my HR dept and she got an interview.

So at 9plus in the morning, I got an SMS from her asking me how to reach my office from the train station. Told her to take a bus and stop at the 3rd bus-stop and walk to my office street. Being the 'blur' Shamira today, she walked in the opposite direction and was a bit lost. So I directed her back to my street and waited for her to arrive.

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I MET HER! AFTER ABOUT 6 YEARS OF CHATTING OUR HEARTS OUT TO EACH OTHER, I FINALLY MET HER! SHE'S AS PRETTY AS HER PHOTOS! AND WOAH... NICE BOOBS! HAHAH! You might think I'm a les sia... but I'm not... I love to envy friends... cos I don't have that big of boobs! haha!
But you're in great shape Shamira! Love u, babe!

After her 'exciting' interview with my HR manager, we got on talking in the meeting room and told her to join me and my husband for lunch later.... so she decided to wait till my official lunch time and she waited outside my office at the sitting area. So sweet of her to wait... very patient person...We went out to lunch at New Hawa Restaurant somewhere in Geylang. I had my century egg porridge, my hubby - fried chillied bee hoon, Shamira - Chicken Fried Rice & Esther P had Seafood Fried Rice. Side dishes are Tom Yam Seafood Soup & Lemon Fried Chicken. Yum yum... slurp!

We got on talking and I was as usual making a fool of myself while Shamira took pictures of me eating and talking and making funny faces! OI! SITI NUR HAMTARO! DON'T make me look fat and round in your pictures ah! hahaha!

Anyways, I will put up the pictures when I finished editing.. hehehe....

It was fun meeting a blogger friend for the first time. We were both cam-whores, taking pictures with our handphones.. hahah!

Batam trip with my web friends...(updated 18/07/07)

Yo! Yet another Batam Spa weekend trip (16th June 2007) but this time it's with my web friends and ex-colleague... TO SOME OF YOU WHO CANNOT MAKE IT TIME AND AGAIN, MAKE IT A POINT TO GO!

My former colleague, Zul, have gone to Batam with me twice and this time he brought his elder bro along! They all had fun....

He brought his brother but when his friend, Jaja, heard about it, she decided to follow and dragged her family members and also friends along for the trip - 5 of them. I'm missing one or two or three more friend though. They said they'll be joining me and my friends but they always kena postpone their trip. OI! MAKE A STAND! NO MORE ASSIGNMENTS OR APPOINTMENTS WHEN U WANNA GO BATAM WITH ME! HAHAH! (Shamira Shake-Your-Bon-Bon! Siti Aminah Yunos! Yati Mohammed! When!!??)



So, in total there were 9 of us going on this trip. It was a total havoc just booking for the trip, spa & our own transportation. Tho we took the travel package, we need to book our own transport to bring us around as we booked free & easy. So, I called upon my trusted regular chauffer in Batam. And Jaja's friend, Kak Kiah called her friend in Batam to book their van.

But above all, the trip was fantastic! All we all ever did was eat & shop! And not forgetting the Spa retreat! Syok, man!

Upon reaching the new jetty in Sekupang, we went to the money-changers there. There were much hagglings between the 2 or 3 money-changer shops trying to get customers and the customers were trying to get a good deal of exchange rates. Finally, on that day, we got SG$1=5880 Indonesian Rupiah. It was more expensive that previous week which was about SG$1=6100 Rupiah but money rates was always fluctuating in Batam Island. So we settled for the best price we could get there.

My chauffer, Johni was already there waiting for us. So was Kak Rokiah's friend who got to rent the van from someone there. Luggages was loaded and we were brought to Vista Hotel to check-in and drop our luggages first.

Jaja, got the Family Suite as there are 7 of them. The Family Suite consists of 3 separate bedrooms with their own bathroom & TV, 2 of the rooms connected to 1 large balcony where they can hang out. There's also a kitchen pantry and a dining room. It was huge. They were happy. As we usually do, my husband and I was located at the groundfloor deluxe room near the Reception.

We gather at the lobby after putting down our bags and discussed where to go next. All were hungry so we decided to go and eat at a local Sederhana Restaurant.

For Nasi Padang meal in Indonesia, guests will be seated and dishes will be laid out in front of them in small plates. There'll be like tons of delicious dishes to choose from to eat with your plate of rice.



But once you touch one of the small dishes, it is already counted in your bill. As long as you don't touch the dish, it won't be included in your bill. Unless you go by package that INCLUDES lunch. So whatever u eat or don't eat will already be in the bill.



So all 9 of us were seated in the airconditioned area and served up dishes and dishes of yummies. I don't know who's hand was that but he/she was really eager to grab the dishes. hahah! Just joking, ah!

Here's a sample of the dishes... Lemak Sotong (squid cooked in coconut milk and chilli)



The Aftermath...


After, we finished our meal, called on the waiter for the check. Being Singaporeans, we were always so kiasu... Everything also want! And so we ate a lot of dishes. Got the waiter confused as to how to calculate the amount we consumed. BUUURRPP!
See him scratch his head here...

It was really funny... we all laughed and the waiter laughed too!

After lunch, my husband and I went back to the hotel to arrange the spas and our spa was at 2pm that day, but the rest of the gang carried on shopping.

The spa was as usual wonderful... (1) Body scrub using the traditional 'lulur', (2) Full body massage (my regular masseuse knows my body well so she knows what type of massage helps me), (3) a half hour (or until you're satisfied but not more than required according to spa advise) in the sauna room & (4) a soak in the warm tub with herbs and flowers. Waaaaaahhh. syok....

We finished our spa at around 4pm and arranged for our other friends to have their spa. We went to our room to rest a bit while waiting for them to finish their spa.

Zul had a male massuesse to massage his aching body and also his brother was having the 'bekam' treatment. It was a gross sight coz the process was clinical and involved removing 'dirty' or toxic blood from the body through the skin from the back of the body and also the back of the legs. I took a picture of what 'bekam' treatment is like. Quite a number of guys like to do this 'bekam' treatment. It's good for their body.

(to be continued soon.. hopefully by this week.. wahahah! I keep telling myself that)

No easy money but at least EARN JUST BY READING EMAILS.

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I'm trying right now. So far I've got $0.054! hahah! not much but at least I earn something out of reading emails. Try it!

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