A wolf in sheep's skin among us... (updated: 29th Sept 07)

Sometimes I really wonder...

Why people betray me? Is it because I'm too trustworthy? Is it because I'm gullible? Is it because I trust people too easily when they feed on my sympathy?

I have friends... well,.. so-called friends... I love all my friends and whoever who likes to hang out with me. But as it turned out, friends who ALWAYS say to you "You trust me, right?" or "Don't worry.. tell me.. You don't trust me, is it?", or "I'm your friend, we know each other quite long time and you should know me. I can be trusted"... are always the ones who can't be trusted.

They feed on your empathy about them. They make you think that your enemies are their enemies. They make you think that they're on your side.. But being a gullible person, I guess I trust people too much and that's a habit I've adapted to.

People tend to take advantage of that. I pour out my feelings to friends whom I think are trustworthy, can keep a secret. But I feel that, I've never done anything wrong or betray them.. but they end up betraying me.

You can see that they are your bestest of bestest of friends. You are made to think that whatever you like, your so-called 'best-friend' also like. And thus, trust is established as the person likes what you like, agrees on everything you say and also becomes your spy for you voluntarily. That person will feel insecure if you don't talk or joke with them sometimes, thinking that you found out something bad about them. Or they themselves feel guilty for what they've done but wanna act innocent and still be friends with your enemies to save face.

I've had 'friends' like these throughout my life and I won't know if I'm destined to be betrayed my whole life by friends who thinks they can make you trust them for life.

This changes my perspective in life. NEVER TRUST ANYONE! NOT EVEN YOUR FAMILY OR SPOUSE! BECAUSE EVERYBODY LIES! TO SAVE THEIR OWN ASS.

I'm just pointing out that WE MAY BE FRIENDS, but that doesn't mean that ALL can be trusted.

I love my friends... I will trust them as long as they never betray me one bit.

I have kept all their secrets for may be one day it will act as a weapon for me, WHEN they betray me. (noticed I used the word 'WHEN' instead of 'IF'?) Because friends always betray you in the end.

You have ONLY yourself to trust coz you know what you're doing. Even if you don't know what you're doing, you can trust that YOU KNOW what you do or didn't do, and that's betraying yourself.

This ends my transmission...

I am deeply saddened by people's attitudes that called themselves 'friends' and 'shoulder to cry on'.

I hope that they won't do this to other people in their lives because in the end, THEY WILL END UP ALONE AND MIGHT AS WELL KILL THEMSELVES.

I am a sympathetic person and if you choose to take advantage of my empathy and trust, then it's a guilt you'd have to bear for the rest of your lives for it will haunt you forever.

Complain all you want about me, because I don't even trust any complaints thrown at me without reason.

I love all my dear and closests of friends... Hope you all appreciate the efforts I put in into our friendship and stay true to your words.

I hate to have a dagger stuck in my back. Who doesn't?

To all my friends who thinks they won't betray me, I love you all forever and will still keep in touch with me through happiness or trouble. I love you all.

It's very sad for me to go.. but I must do what I must do in order to survive in a world full of deceit.

And for those of you who betrayed me, I hope you're happy and satisfied with what you've done to my ricebowl. You might not notice that your actions have led to another's destruction but my advise is beware of other daggers pointing at your back in the future. When you've suffered what I am suffering, THEN you'll feel the pinch but it's too late.

For now, I have to find another ricebowl to make sure that my family is being taken care of in terms of living their daily lives in a smooth transaction into tomorrow.

LATEST UPDATE:

I have done some investigations and it turned out my hunch was right. The betrayer is the correct one but little did that person know that I was onto the betrayer's steps.

The best part is people who've read this blog, didn't even realise that it was meant for that person.

I have got feedbacks from various people, on different times and questioning them alone. All of them had justified my feelings. So far about 4 people have confirmed it. That person is very very sly and I don't even know if that person knows what he/she is doing.

By doing what he/she is doing, he/she is hurting people's feelings. By being their 'best friend', he/she is getting in their good books. And by doing that, he/she is gaining their trust.

My good friends, hear my plea. I don't want you to get hurt by this person. So be careful on what u say around others, and be careful what you do too for it can cost you your career and ricebowl just like what this person have done to mine by doing what he/she is doing.

I shall not say anymore for it is for you all to judge and consider. If you all think that I'm the bad one, well, it's up to you coz I'm the victim here.. Just think about it, what have I ever done to you all to deserve this kind of deceit and lies from this particular person.

I have done nothing but be nice to all and try my best to help... but some people just tend to take advantage of my kindness by igniting fire to the oil, taking utmost advantage of me and my husband, to be used like his/her slave at his/her convenience without considering whether we are ourselves needing help.

To this, I end this particular subject and never to be brought up again unless that person realise it him/herself and ask for my forgiveness and admitting his/her wrong doings.

I shall not confront for it will be adding oil to fire. So I leave it at that.

May the guilty person live with it for the rest of his/her life.

To Betrayer: Talking bad about a person that has helped you throughout and THEN pretended to be a good friend to the person you're talking bad about, is nothing more than a betrayal. So my blog is justifiable.

Thanks, pal.

My Photography Portfolio ( Part Deux )

Well, the photography went great last Saturday. I tell you.... PANASSSSSSSSSSSS!! Pictures and the weather, I mean.. haha! It was a fulfilling time doing my photography with my great 'models' with attitude! haha!

Esther didn't know how to pose at first.. Both Shamira and I tot her how, and later on when she got the hang of it, SHE HERSELF gave her own attitude!! Good job, Esther.

I need not say about Shamira, she's a natural POSER! hahah!!!! I don't have to instruct her on anything... mentel, right? HAHAHA!

IT WAS DAMN HOT DAY! We did a few shots behind my office, it was great as there was a lot of 'vintage' & 'rustic' scenery that I love... lots of messy things around but the focal point was the models... I focused on the models, fading the background, and I also made them fade in the background while focusing on an object in front of me... I used perspective views for photography so the model looked like she's hanging vertically from halfway up the ceiling.. stuff like that..

It took us about almost an hour to get ready, Shamira made up Esther's makeup, 'gothically', they brought along their nice clothes. When ready, we went out for the shoot. It was really hot, I was perspiring like it's raining. It was a lot of fun too as we were laughing and laughing.

I had to get Esther to put on seductive poses, slutty poses, attitude poses, well, posses that tell stories on her face... Same goes with Shamira... but I didn't have to tell her anything as she was already having those slutty, attitude, sad, gothic, 'mamasan' poses ready on hand at every click.

We took like one hundred over shots then went back inside the office to cool down, and we took shots in there too... in the cupboard, under table, those office sluts kinda pose, or the bitchy young jap office girl style.. hahah! Amateur tho! But at least all of us gained some experiences.

Caught in the act by my boss while we were resting in the office with all the makeup and clothes... I explained to him we're just doing some photoshoot outside and we came in to cool down... He was asking us whether the place is good for photography? I told him we love the rustic look... and he just nodded in acknowledgement and out of curiosity and he went back to his meeting.

After cooling down, we went out again and this time went further down to the alleys to take pictures... It was getting too hot, and I was getting tired and so, we ended our session at about 3.30pm. I was really exhausted...

Xuezz turned up at the office to pay us a visit during our photography session but we had already finished...I downloaded the photos onto my laptop and we ALL had a blast looking through all the 443 pictures!!! Was doing some captions along the way and was really laughing our heads off making fun of them.. hahah! Some looked like pictures shot out of Matrix, some Ju-On, some The Ring, some like 'Mamasan' and her understudy... it was sooo funny... but we had fun..

I had to wait for my husband to finish his job... and we left about 5plus in the eveining. Shamira & Esther decided to go home. We sent Esther home to put her belongings, and we sent her to the bus station to take the bus back to her kampong in JB, then sent Shamira home and my husband and I break our fast.

LOOOOVE how my pictures turned out, but halfway through editing, my husband decided to get me a new harddisk for my laptop coz my present one was infected with some spamming virus of some sort.. and it really really slowed down my laptop.

So right now, my new harddisk is still a 'virgin'. SOOOOOOOOOOOO EMPTY!!! I had to install back my Windows XP & editing softwares, and right now updating the windows on my laptop. Sigh...... All the pictures and documents in my old harddisk are not accessible at the moment... so my editing will be delayed... haizzzzzzz..., I've turned my old laptop harddisk into my external harddisk... and I've not released the access permission on my old harddisk.. hence... I still can't access it now as a 'slave drive' so I could at least upload a few of the edited pictures for your viewing....

Well, I guess we'll all have to wait a while...

My photography portfolio

Shamira, me and Esther decided to do some photoshoot today with soft photography and gothic.. Hope it will turn out good. It's my first time with models... Hope I can accomplish this with ease since I've played with my Nikons (Coolpix 5700, D70s & Coolpix P5000)... Just some experiences I need after experimenting on my own...

I've asked them to bring clothes and gothic makeup and locations are abundant around here.. Planning to make black and whites too..

Wish me luck!!!

WANTED: ADMIN/CLERICAL JOB FOR ME.

Hi,

Since people here don't like me.

I've been contributing to this company a lot.. and in the end what do I get? Nothing.... You know.. people been complaining about me and these people has got nothing to do with my job AT ALL!! IMAGINE THAT! ALL THE KEPOHS IN THE WORLD! THIS IS THE WORST!

MY OWN BOSS never complained about me.. He's happy with me, I do jobs for him on time, I do my own duties on time and in proper way... I help others in need, I help my own dept boss just as well.

I contributed to every whim of this company, I became an entertainer, emcee and singer during their festivities celebration, I became the deejay, I became part of the organising committee, I make them look good, I became the festive decorator, I became the graphic artist of this company for their website and notice board, I helped out adhoc duties to management and stuff.... but in the end, I'm the victim of deceit. Just because that bimbo gets all the attention and she don't know ANYTHING about doing her own job (simple stationeries distribution and ordering and adhoc paperwork like photocopy and such) but she gets all the attention from the management.. What a sleazeball bitch! She don't even know half the things we talk about in a group and you can actually see her face gone blank and staring at all of us talking... She don't even catch no ball when we joked using synonyms and such. And wow.. her 'England' is damn 'powderful' when she has to email to ALL STAFF (including degree holders and bosses) stating facts and acting as though she's in charge in the email about certain things..

I myself don't understand what she's talking about.. Sheesh.. And she's so 'GOOD' & 'Efficient'???

Oh and her email.. it has all the additional 's' where there shouldn't be and words so simple like 'convenience' or 'convenient' are distributed just like how she distributes the stationeries... so farked.

So, if anyone has heard of any admin asst or clerical job available that requires zero stress cos I don't want any stressed-up job that will get my panties in a bunch, then let me know..

Thank you very much.

STAY AWAY! HAVING PMS! I'M DANGEROUS DURING THESE TIMES.

RIGHT! I'M TELLING THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD TO STAY AWAY.... I'M JUST RANTING AND RAVING BECAUSE I NEED TO RELEASE TENSION BECAUSE OF MY PMS!! IT'S UNCONTROLLABLE! SO I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT ANYONE SAYS RIGHT HERE OR WHATEVER PEOPLE COMMENT... THIS IS ME.. DON'T LIKE IT? F OFF.

Morning come in office and was in pain from this stupid period. My back aching, my mood swings is terrible. I'm usually a nice person.. but there comes the days in every month where I grow cranky.. My friends understand me... my husband understands me and he usually keeps quiet when I get angry around these time of the month.. He knows it's just my hormones talking... Some of my friends don't understand... and some of you holy people will criticise me for my farkin attitude.

Early morning come into the office and I was laying my head on my desk for 10mins to relax myself, there's the stupid bitch came strolling downstairs in her LOUD, PITCHY, SCHOOLGIRL SQUEELS LIKE A PIGLET raped in the sty, being so-called mentel like streetwalkers in Geylang Lorong 14, talking to the guys as if she owns them all. So mentel that it got on my nerves, told her to SHUT UP and called her a bitch. Yeah, that's me when I'm pissed off at some girl who thinks she owns this company and acts as tho she is the boss when she's of lower rank than I am. Slow in the brain, slow in her job, and when there's jokes, she always never gets it...! I called her a stupid airhead bimbo.

She plays drama in front of her 'so-called' manager and acts as though she's under stress and cries.. yeah.. BOOHOO! in front of her 'so-called' manager and the manager takes pity on her and lessened her work burden but adding it to another subordinate whom already had enough burden on her hands.

Hence, this airhead bimbo, gets off scott-free whenever she makes a mistake. The best part is that she is always so kepoh of our directors documents, which by right, she or either any one of admins are prohibited to touch or see... I guess she's sooooo close to this director that most probably she's giving him free 'service' and that he always goes out with her, breakfast, lunch, or dinner and even goes shopping & breakfast in the morning of a WEEKEND! Yes, I'm basing on facts and not rumours. I saw it with my own two eyes that she went out with him sometimes secretly..

You know what the best part is?? The director is married with kids, and the airhead is about to get married to someone else!!! wow... what a story out of OC! Yeuck! It's sooooooooo disgusting that whenever i see her walking around with her nose in the air and her stupid voice like Nyonya in the market selling fish... IT JUST MAKES ME WANNA PUKE THE HELL OUT OF MYSELF! She's soooooooooooooo slimy to the point of toxic and dangerous.

Yeuck!!! DOUBLE YEUCK! When she is trying to act like a decent good girl with her glasses, and pink clothings,, eeeeewwww...... and sometimes she acts innocent 'not knowing' that her silicone-padded BRA is exposed ALMOST exposing her non-existing boobs to the whole god-damned world... and the best part is her 'so-called' manager insists that noone is to dress too sexy in the office (or so she claimes) but makes no notice of her own staff who exposes her tits to the surrounding guys.

Purrrleassee.. as if she got something there to show.. If I were to yell into her bra, there'll be ECHOES a mile away.... Keep your 'mosquito bites' under wraps okay, bitch? We don't need to see those 'raisins' spilling anywhere... We prefer papayas or watermelons or even sufficient grapefruits.. but not 'raisins'.

Stupid bimbo's voice is giving me more grave pain than I already have.

THIS IS JUST MY RANTINGS AND RAVINGS FOR YOUR READING PLEASURES... NOTHING MORE... YOU CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT... BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICISE ME COZ I'M JUST AS A WOMAN AS U ARE.. AND DON'T DENY THAT SOMETIMES, SOMEDAYS YOU TOO FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT SOME IDIOT IN YOUR WORKING LIFE.

Life's a tree full of rotting fruits...

Life's a bitch,

You plant the seed,
You give them water,
You provide them nutrients,
You heal their wounds,
You help them grow,
You love them so,
You correct their mistakes for them,
You dress them up in expensive decorations,
You build a lovely garden to surround them,
They grow up nice and beautiful,
You are proud of them,
You brag about them to your friends and family,
You are proud of what you can do for them,
You love them to bits,
You protect them from harm,
You talk to them when they feel lonely,
They grow up more independent,
Refill their thirsts from the rain when you're not around,
Getting nutrients from the soil when you're not around,
You found your new garden in time,
You love your new garden,
The plant that you nurtured,
You want it to be in that new garden,
But the plant refused,
Hated the fact that you are providing a new and better garden for them,
You end up living in that new garden alone,
You are scorned for having a new garden,
Even though you visit the old garden,
You give the garden what nutrients and care you can give,
But it's not enough for them,
The plant that you nurtured scorned you for having a new garden,
The plant did not realise that with the new garden you are helping the old garden,
The plant did not realise that whatever it feeds on comes from the new garden,
The plant just assumes that it comes from the old garden all these while..
The old garden was out of nutrients,
The old garden has exhausted its nutrients,
New garden provided for the old garden out of love,
The plant doesn't care as it grows taller and stronger and more independent,
The plant forgotten about the care and love it has received from you.
All it ever think about is why you have a new garden and not help the old garden.
The old garden gets all the nutrients but it's not enough as it has tall, healthy plants to feed,
The tall healthy plants bear fruits but it feeds the beautiful birds that visited them,
But the healthy plants have forgotten about the old garden that received nutrients from the new garden to feed them and make them healthy.

You sit alone with your new garden.
Your new garden makes you happy, but in the distant you see the old garden,
Old garden struggling and protecting the healthy plants,
But healthy plants forget about the old garden and scorned the new garden for no reasons.
What can u do but sit in your new garden and nurture your new garden for you are not allowed into the old garden anymore.

Wait till they themselves become a old plants and their flowers wither and fruits rotting on the ground, old garden is not there anymore to feed them, and the new garden has long been gone, and the beautiful birds left them.

Let them rot away in their lonely forest full of deceit for they didn't know better and never want to know what is really the root of all their lives....