When it's really tooo much...

Why do my folks treat me this way? Haven't I been a diligent daughter? Always helping them in every way I can ever since I've started my own career.

Treat them the best I could with what little I have. But still, I have never felt appreciated in my life.

Ego gets in the way of saying nice words to me. Ego gets in the way of praising me. Ego gets in the way of making them feel proud of me.

They think that my career is a joke. Because whenever I go to work, they start hounding me with questions that I can't answer or help them with when I am at my job.

I have told them many times that my job is serious business and employers are keeping hawk's eyes on employees. Employees aren't allowed to do personal business or stuff at work DURING working hours!

I've only started my new job not long ago... and I'm working in a semi-govt multi-national company which is owned by the minister's in-laws or something. I CANNOT be fooling around while these eagles are watching...

And I'm blogging this on my personal pda, ok! Too small for anyone to think that it's actually a mini computer. But then again.. I'm doing it after office hours. I have a hectic day EVERYDAY that involves buttering up to the Directors and Snr Directors and CEOs. It also includes members of parliaments, and grassroots leaders and etc and etc.

These are of VIP status and needs full attention for me to coordinate with my team as to what needs to be done in preparation for their daily or weekly meetings here.. in this building I work in.

Explanations about working in a semi-govt company didn't actually get through my folks minds i think... coz they keep on calling me to solve problems that is impossible to solve through the phone provided how 'wide' their vocabulary is on matters of technology.

I mean, I come home and NOONE bring up the problem. When I go off to work, they start calling me at work! I mean, DID THEY THINK MY JOB IS A JOKE TO THEM?

AM I EARNING MONEY JUST BY SHOWING MY FACE AND DOING NOTHING?

I am the sort of person who sticks to duty and not break rules unless they are really stupid and irrelevant.

I mean... be reasonable.. but when I explained to them about the rules and regulations of my job, they just pretended not to listen.. they heard, but they never listen.

They'll go one saying that I'm not helpful anymore..! Hey!!! Different workplace, different rules!! Some workplace might be flexible, some are not! I have to stick to rules or I'd get kicked out of the company then who would want to pay for all the bills?? Have they ever thought about that?

But no... they assumed that my husband and I are spendthrifts! And that we spend all our money on irrelevant things..!! Little did they realise, that I have incurred a lot of their spending on myself.

Sigh....... Just tired....

Worried about Hamster

I'm in my office and in desperation for my site office's internet broadband has NOT been setup yet and I'm like here for about a month!! Can't do my job properly and communication is bad and work is not done properly as there's no proper execution through black and white. Fax not working, internet not setup, email not setup. Sigh... How can anyone work??

But it makes me wonder how difficult it is during medieval times when they send out messengers (the horse-ridden human ones and not the MSN ones) to another STATE or VILLAGE to get the message across... That's how I feel now.. But times are slower paced during medieval era.

Now when it's a fast-paced environment, IT IS HELL WITHOUT INTERNET AND TECHNOLOGY!!! GAWD!! I CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM, BUT NOWADAYS I CANNOT GET WORK DONE WITHOUT THEM! (okay.. calm down, annie.. calm down... they'll get it up EVENTUALLY)

Well, in desperation, I used my Motorola K3m to connect to the pc using USB cable and logged on to the internet just to vent out my frustrations... Nowadays, without internet nor technologies, I'm bummed out. There's no motivation at all!

Besides having to do things manually, I finished my paperwork at a 'Speedy Gonzales' mode. By afternoon, EVERYTHING's done!!! All I can do to motivate myself more is do research. And without internet I can't do research!!

But enuf about my frustrations, Back to the topic at hand.

I'm just worried about Hamster. She sms me and said her frustrations and depression about losing a loved one and how her family is treating her like sh*t! hellow.. WHY is it that ALL flesh and blood nowadays have NO sense of care and respect towards each other??

Is it ALL about REPUTATION AND MONEY???? I know Hamster is a very loving, caring, sensitive person. And to ruin her self-esteem and hurt her like that is disgusting. Disgusting to the point of me puking my guts out to the person who hurt her.

She's my friend. She's going through hell. The least that these people could do is give her some slack for gawd's sake!!! People who really care for her are really concerned about her well-being.

Hamster!! Princess! Pleaaasseee don't do anything you'll regret later. I know you're missing a big chunk of your heart if a loved one were to go away. I cannot imagine or fathom how you would be feeling right now. But I've lost a loved one before.. and at best, that person PRETENDED to care for me for 9 god-damn ugly wasted years.

YOU helped me out, Hamster!
YOU were there for me even though not physically.. but mentally,
YOU've helped me get through all these.
It's time I HELP YOU...
PLEASEE....
I know you need time to settle down your thoughts and feelings...
But please DON'T do anything stupid okay??

Remember the good times we've had, though only met you and know you for half a year.. but I've known you since you were 17!! Now it's almost 7 years we've known each other.. Doesn't that account to something?

I love you, Hamster. As a friend, I really love you....! You've always been spunky and fun and smiley-faced, and so lovingly irritable with your touchy-feely attitude.

Don't lose that character!

I am glad that someone's always around to keep an eye on you.

I might not be around physically all the time but I'm just a call away and we'll be coming to your aid anytime you need it.

My husband and I pray for your health and safety. I hope when you've settled down your thoughts and feelings, go out with us and just release everything.. We'll always be here to give you a listening ear and heart.

I wish you well, and hope for the best in whatever u are going thru right now...

Just bear in mind...

WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU
TO CARE FOR YOU AND HELP YOU!!
WE LOVE YOU, HAMSTER!

Had my 3rd photography assignment involving kids...

Hey.. I just had a photography assignment last week to photograph an event (okay, corrected the spelling... heehee) involving kindergarten kids.

You know, kids moving around and performing for their graduation day. A tribute to their teachers and the kids dressing up in their graduation gowns and stuff..

I was kinda nervous then, but relieved after the event was over. It was an exciting photography assignment and also to add to my portfolio and experience and learn from my own mistakes.

Now comes the difficult part. Editing pictures and looking at them, makes me wonder and I'm nervous till the pit of my stomach coz I am not sure if the client likes them.

Knowing the viewers are gonna be teachers and parents, I'm sure they'll be fussy about how the pictures will turn out, whether their kid is in the picture, whether the teachers are in the pictures, whether the pictures are clear and to their satisfaction.

I'm really nervous and I hope I can get it done before Monday!!! They want it by Monday!! Just have to rush a bit. It doesn't affect me about the timing. I can make it..

What affects me is the customer's reactions to the photos.

Just wish me luck coz my self-esteem is down and I'm nervous as hell and it would really crush me if the customer is not satisfied as they've paid for my services.

Here's a sample:

(to be input later tonight.. maybe.. if I'm not tired...)