Darkness Serenity

I am with a heavy heart…

2009-01-02T01:00:00.000-05:00

Standing here at the internet station in Terminal 1, I have 12mins surfing time remaining. Sigh….

I said goodbye to my mom who insisted that she send me off along with Cik Wahid, Cik Anim, Ajin, Cik Pozi, Cik Idah, Cik Ramli, Cik Jo, Adi, Aish, my younger sister, ‘Kikimora’, my Zoolanders friends, Zul ‘Ulat’, Kim ‘Kong’ (who got to meet me at T2, but had to go back early), Manzur ‘Giraffe’, Kak Xana ‘Anaconda’, Abang Yus ‘Scorpio’…….

I love you all.. especially my dearest Mom who hugged me for a good 5mins and cried… saying that she’ll be alone… she’ll be alone… My heart grew heavier by the minute but I can’t help the situation…

I told her to be strong for dad, always think of him when we were having a good time, to have his fond good memories and not the sad ones…

I am amazed at my strength for not crying in front of her…

People might say I’m cold-hearted… but I’m dying inside.

Just stepping foot beyond the immigration line into the Terminal, had my heart just dropped to the floor….

I am now pouring out my feelings here in the Internet station before proceeding to…. Gate C… U… Later…

I am just devastated…. but nobody knows except God HIMSELF…

I got to go…

My husband found someone online whom I grew up with along with my family and have been close to….

To tell him of the sad news of my father’s passing….

I am sure he’s going to be devastated and shocked.

To everyone out there who knows me….

I LOVE YOU ALL TO THE VERY END…

PLEASE HELP ME COMFORT AND CARE FOR MY MOTHER IN HER SAD TIMES.
REMIND HER OF THE FUNNY DAD… NOT THE SAD ONES….

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

It's been a year since...

2008-12-07T02:17:00.003-05:00

People might not have wondered why I have not written for so long...

The reason being, I have no intentions of writing as much as I am now preoccupied with my new job in another country altogether.

To highlight those who HAVE ACTUALLY been reading my blog, here are a few updates of moi.

1) On February 2008, I've been transferred by the company I worked with to another country where they got a Facilities Management project to be managed. Also to be with my husband as he got the job as Operations Manager that same site in the same company. Our boss has this open mind concept, that if u are too far away from your family, you have less than 100% concentration on the job.

And so, I was also transferred to the same country and project site as my husband.
We've never been to that country before in our lives and so we try our best to live it day by day and knowing the culture and people here.

Pictures tell a thousand words so I shan't say much.. but u can take a look at the pictures....

2) 15th March - Flew off (though it upsets my parents, I knew that this was the best step for me.

So, now I'm working happily in this country along side my husband and a lot of other colleagues whom I now treat as my family here in this country.

We became close-knitted friends, having barbecues fortnightly by the pool, experiencing the culture here, the food, the politics, the unbelievable wealth of these people, and also what it means to be away from your own home country and not knowing anyone else except ur colleagues.

Anyways, I am happier before than I ever will be.

Well, here are some clips below...

Well, u just saw my first 10 days out of the months I am here.

New Sayings for the Internet

2008-01-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C: is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.
19. Modulation in all things.
20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
21. There's no place like home.com.
22. Know what to expect before you connect.
23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
24. Speed thrills.
25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Enjoy!

New Year Again.. But makes no difference to me.

2008-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

First of all,

Girly Comments & Graphics

Happy New Year to Everyone!!

I'm just living my life day to day.. It doesn't make any difference if it's the new year because my life is soooo boring, so disappointing that I never looked forward to a new year.

But then, being with friends on New Year's Eve and all, having a short weekend holiday is just some of the highlights in my life. It makes me happy for a while, when the rest of my loved ones just chose to ignore me totally and made me feel unwanted, unloved, unnoticed.

I'm just happier to be with my friends rather than stay at home..

People said 'Home is where the heart is..' But it's not so for me..

Anyways, I really enjoyed my holiday and looking forward to posting it in this blog as soon as I've edited the pictures.

Been tired and lazy lately because of lowered self-esteem.

Came back from holiday and noone even mentioned that they missed me. Saw my dad at the terminal, waiting for my mom. He chose to not talk a single word to me or my hubby when I handed him some thing I remembered to buy for him. Not even a thanks. He just stared at us and my friends till they're even scared to approach to greet him and pay respects.

One of them even said, 'Your dad looks pissed'. So he was scared to approach.

It's okay. I'm not anyone's daughter. I don't deserve the attention they dote on my younger brother and younger sister.

To me, I just keep myself scarce where I'm not wanted. Just to avoid any disputes. I'm tired...

How I think my friends are more caring than my own blood...How sad...

2007-12-30T01:56:00.000-05:00

Blinking noisy neighbourS upstairs.. or is it just those 'things' making a hell of a racket coz they are not able to penetrate my humble abode to snatch some of my life's savings?

Well, let them make noise all they want, knocking on the ceiling, banging on my windows.. I don't give a rat's ass of that.

Couldn't sleep.

Just thinking of how shallow thinking these people are. I'm about to go on my vacation this weekend, .. well, tomorrow..oops.. it's already tomorrow..well, OKAY! Sunday, 7am! to pickup Ulat at the train station and head on down to our vacation destination with all the other friends who'll wait for us there.

Told my mom that I'm going on a trip with the company my husband's working in. She just asked me 'When?' 'Tomorrow' I said. She couldn't care less and just ignored me after that. So I just walked off into my room as usual. Hurt.

I know I've told them to stop bothering my life and scrutinise everything my husband do or I do, for that matter, in our lives. Doesn't mean they'd have to ignore me totally.

Now, living under one roof with the whole family. I still feel that I'm home alone.

Listening to the soft, rythmic snoring of my husband right now, the only comfort in my life is to assure myself that my marriage is strong and steady with him all the time and that it won't crumble (touch wood) like all the rest of the world's marriages.

Marriage is like a Souffle... You shout one hurtful word and the whole thing falls, crumbles, sink in. You stick a knife in it, it will go out of shape and remain that way.. tho it's still there.. it's not the same..

(sorry.. taking a moment to watch this beautiful giant python on tv in National Geographic.. woah... big snake..! Long and giant snake! These people are crazy!!!! They caught the snake that needed about 6 people to carry!! They're weighing that snake just to break record of the heaviest snake they've caught! sheesh!)

Oh ya.. back to the topic! Sorry... a bit sidetracked there.

Here I am, trying to do the best I can to keep my relationship as husband and wife with my hubby, people are just trying to ruin it. I don't understand why people have to be so jealous that we both are happy! I don't understand why people have to say hurtful things about my husband just to spike me against him!

"You cannot be totally honest to your husband! Certain things you must keep to yourself! What if he leaves you in the future and use all those against you? (Are you hoping that'll happen to us? Are you telling me now that you don't like my husband after a couple of years knowing him and THEN you decide that he's no good for me and trying your best to poison my mind against him for the following 2 yrs? What the hell you allow me to get married to him for in the first place? Couldn't you have said something before the wedding? Well, I guess SOME people are never satisfied with their lives that they had to ruin other's happy lives!)

People are just jealous that I have a husband who's caring, soft-spoken, considerate, helpful, a great cook, who dotes on me, takes care of me 100% when I'm sick, buys me stuff to keep me from being lonely when he's busy at work, who brings me to a spa every month, who is a graduate from Australia with honors, who's earning twice as much as my fuckin' ex-fiance and who says that he will remain faithful with me till we grow old even if we don't have kids!

Jealous yet? Of course!!! Because my life previously was a stinking pile of shit that everyone looooves to take advantage of. I had no life, so they made me commit to helping them throughout!

But now that I'm married, it seems that they're feeling that I'm being pulled away from the family and that they feared that they can't get my help anymore..

Being bullied, when I told them to tell me in advance what they wanted me to do so I'd have ample time to prepare and get it ready for them.. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... they prefered to tell me at the last minute and wee hours so that I'd spend my time helping them instead of spending precious times with my hubby in bed!

There! I said it!

So now.. when my husband's pissed off at the constant inconsiderations, and I wanted a little bit of privacy... they decided to be childish and totally ignored me.. and THEN said.. "oh. I thot you and your husband want some PRIVACY.. so we thought we can't disturb you or tell you ANYTHING at all!"

Wow... how childish can you be? How old are you, by the way?

I'd rather be with friends, who never compared me, who always try to help me, who always supported me in anything I wanted to do unless it's bad and they would advice me based on experiences.

I'm fuckin 34 years old, for god's sake! Don't they think that I should learn to live on my own with my own husband??? Don't they think that I am ALLOWED to make bad decisions and wrong execution of my life? NOBODY would learn ANYTHING if they're not allowed to do these things rather than to stick to their family's rules all the time.

Plus, other members of the family, chose to ignore me after I was being humiliated in front of my husband by them and yet my mother just snide and smiled at the corner of her mouth and never tried to do anything to stop it from happening. She never defended me because she thinks I have someone to defend me and I'm married to him.

erm.. helllow!! They're still under your care! I'm the eldest! You let them talk to me like that?? After years and years of sacrifices I've made for them?

Oh.. I guess they forgotten after they've reached puberty that somehow depleted them of some braincells that gives them a good brain to think what is wrong or right. Oh, and they're old enough to get married.. oh.............. I forgot!!!!! They can't get married because their wife or husband will be criticised and they will get humiliated in front of them!!!

Riiiiiighhttt!!!!!!!

You dote on them, thinking they'll support you at your old age.. but guess what... if they're willing to turn a cold shoulder on me for the slightest things and can barely stand to be in the same room with me, how would you know that they won't do that to you in the future... They're too conceited to see my sufferings and sacrifices all these while because YOU chose to keep it a secret from them! Which made them think that I'M the one who is disobedient and inconsiderate!

PISS OFF!

We'll see who has the last laugh!

As Bon Jovi said, IT'S MY LIFE! AND HAVE A NICE DAY! YOU SHALLOW-THINKING IMMATURE PEOPLE! I REALLY DON'T NEED YOU, AT ALL.

People are sometimes cowards...

2007-12-25T19:09:00.000-05:00

You know.. sometimes, some people are just cowards.

Instead of talking to us and finding out what happened, they'd go around asking other people and making their own assumptions of what is going on with our lives..

Like, please, Jagalah tepi kain sendiri, instead of being overly kaypoh towards our own lives.

If we hear a friend who seemed to be sulking and seems to be in trouble, we'd approach and ask him/her what happened. If that person doesn't wanna open up to us, it means that he/she is hating us. That's fine with me. But like hell, even if we did something wrong, they could've at least confronted us instead of being cowards! Right? We can accept if we are in the wrong.. But hey! If we never do anything wrong, how can people accuse us for no reason and worse - making their own assumptions!!

Hey, like I'm not an adult and like I'm not married. I've got the right to live my own freakin life with my husband. We've got the right to stand up on our own feet and do what we want.

Just because we don't go visiting, doesn't mean that we are cutting off relationship with relatives.. Come on... How shallow thinking can u be? You all accuse us of avoiding relatives.. but do you ever consider asking us why? Do you ever consider asking your mothers if they've ever said that they hated us because we can't visit?

Do you ever consider how difficult our lives are while you all grouped together and go out with cousins and aunties together on vacations without even asking us along or consulting us?

While u all are enjoying yourselves, do you ever think that we too have feelings? Why? Why in the world would people think that we decided to avoid everyone?

Did you ever think that the problem is with my health? SOME people have cursed us not to have children of our own.. Does that mean I have to still love them somehow?

SOME people accused us of things that we never do or things that we don't know of and putting words into our mouths without even finding out the real truth. Does that mean I have to still believe in what they say?

These people are just cowards. Without even asking us directly, they ask people around us who've been living with us or are close to us, thinking that they know everything that we've gone through.

People just don't know how much I've suffered emotionally and physically until at times I just feel like jumping down from a high-rise building so that nobody else will have anything to talk bad about me behind my back.

MENGUMPAT ITU ADALAH DOSA YANG LEBIH BESAR DARI BERZINAH! So I consider you all BERZINAH seratus kali ganda!

Go ahead. Talk about me and my husband all u want. Talk about how bad we are ALL U WANT. Coz in GOD'S eyes, you all who GOSSIP are just pure ADULTRESSES!

My sins and my husband's sins are our own to bear.. but u guys are the worst! You who are involved won't try to understand us and accuse us are much worse! Worse than our own sins. At least we keep to ourselves and try not to get involved in other's affairs, especially to those who accuses us.

THE MORE YOU TALK BAD ABOUT US BEHIND OUR BACKS, THE MORE SINS YOU PUT ON YOURSELVES.

And oh, by the way, YOU WON'T KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH UNTIL YOU HEAR IT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH ITSELF, YOU COWARDS!

I don't care who you people are anymore. You all who talk bad and accuses us with your own assumptions are liable to be sued for demoralising reputation.

So, from now, I JAGA TEPI KAIN SENDIRI (which I have done so for so many years since), and you all got no right to accuse us of anything. We've so much kept to ourselves. Only going out with close friends that WOULDN'T BACKSTAB US as we've done everything possible to help friends and never try to hurt them. WELL, I'M SORRY IF U ALL ARE A BIT TOO OVERLY SENSITIVE about our usual jokes and concerns. WE'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR GOOD! Thanks for nothing!

SEE U ALL WHO ARE INVOLVED, IN COURT!

FIBROIDS: To Op or Not To Op! Please help me!

2007-12-21T02:21:00.000-05:00

About 2 years ago, I went for my check up as I was having irregular periods and pain in the abdomen caused by it.

I was referred to a specialist in KK Hospital and referred to a nice lady doctor there who is now my gynaecologist. In her opinion, after scannings, ultra-sounds, pap smears and regular medication, she told me, I had better hold off on the operations of my 7nos fibroids in my womb if I were to want to have kids.

At least, have one child first and when I give birth, they will do the operation on one go.

Reason being, if I were to operate on my womb now, my womb might not be strong enough to hold my fertilized egg long enough to carry it to terms. I may only have a slim-to-none chance of conceiving to full term.

I hold off on my operations after getting 3 different doctor's opinions saying the same thing. 1 is the gynaecologist, 2 other is my personal doctors.

So in the hope of getting a child, I lay off on the operations first. That was 2 years ago.

I struggled with the thought of having a child and that stressed me up so bad that I resorted to drinking all sorts of herbals and stuff that old folks swear by it that can make my womb stronger.

I resorted to torturing my husband to take herbal drinks and pills so that the chances of us conceiving is greater. Many months and many money later, still no results.

I started to have the excrutiating pain on my left side of the womb every month. I've taken all sorts of painkillers and tonics to reduce the pain. Still, I've suffered enough till I'm being questioned about my MCs by the company.

So I decided to take drastic step and a last resort, to save my health and my job.

Operation to remove the fibroids that are constantly growing in my womb.

My husband even assured me that he didn't mind if we didn't have children but get my health back. He will stay with me forever.

But, let's face it, which husband doesn't want a zuriat of his own seed? In time to come, he will have the wanting of pitter patter of small feet around the house.

In the meantime, we'd have to settle on my cats to keep him entertained.

Who knows! Insya'allah, when I go for my operations, with the permission of God, I might have kids!

What's your opinion, girls!

I really need your support.

Life's like this for me... Why?

2007-12-19T04:01:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I wonder why I do things for others and help others. Is my generosity and kindness are targets for people to take advantage of me and when they don't need me or my husband, we are just cast aside like disposable containers?

I feel sad just thinking of how much I loved my friends but when I'm away, I make efforts to try and keep in touch with them, or ask them how they are doing or even set a date for all of us to meet.

It seems that nowadays, some of my friends just 'shy' away from my invitations to meet up as a group of friends. I am just wondering why.

My questions have not been answered. Some friends are avoiding me to the extent of not answering my sms or emails or messenger messages.

I am concerned of their M.I.A. Are they in trouble? Are they having a problem and needed to be left alone? Did I do anything wrong that I never realised? Did I do anything that's sooo bad til they refuse to return my calls?

I feel sad. It seems that people might have misunderstood me for some reason. And I'm not even sure why or what.

If people choose to shun me away because of misunderstandings, well, then, that's not very mature, is it?

Yes, people who has problems will shy away from crowd or friends.. but please, don't tell me, you're in contact with some friends and not the others.

I feel that people have positioned me in such a manner that I feel that I'm not worth making friends with.

I will always try to help others who asks for help or do things for friends I love and adore.. but if people chose to avoid me, then I can't do anything to please them.

If they hate me for no apparent reason, then I'll let it be.

But in any way what so ever, I will apologise if I happen to unconsciously made a mistake or hurt someone. People can always point it out to me, instead of shutting me out.

But never mind. I will still remember them wherever I go, or wherever I am.

Even when I'm travelling I will always tell my husband, eh.. this friend likes this stuff! I will buy it for their birthday.. hence I will buy it and keep it till I give it to them on their birthday.. coz I want them to know I care and still think of them...

Hope they do the same for me.... because all these years, even with my Secondary school friends, I will still keep in touch and give them a ring once in a while or wish them Happy Birthdays and stuff like that.

Never in my mind, have I ever tried to hurt my friends unless they hurt me first.

This is just a pouring of my heart out.

If I'm not worth making friends with, just let me know and I will leave you all alone...

Thanks for everything...

Taking It In Strides

2007-12-13T15:52:00.000-05:00

These past few days got me thinking, IF WE DON'T help ourselves, will anyone else?

My husband and I been trying our best to save money for our future. Maybe who knows, if God permits, I would have a child of my own and the savings would of course be a great help.

One thing tho... I have to be selfish at times to a lot of people in order to have savings for my future.

Having to suffer some ailments in my aging body, I too need savings to cope with my medical. On the outlook I might be happy and cheerful and healthy to people.. but I'm just bearing the pain inside.

So, in my bid to restore my self-esteem and my confidence in my future, I HAD to be selfish. Sometimes blood members tend to need help when it's not so important at the moment, I just have to refuse, knowing they've got other sources to get from. I HAD to refuse with a tinge of guilt.

Gosh, When will I be able to stop feeling guilty for other's mistakes and mishaps? When will I able to feel guilty for not taking care of my own needs? When will I be able to feel guilty for not being able to care for my husband's needs, now that I'm married? Will my guilt overwhelm my priorities in my own marriage?

After all, in my religion as taught by religious teachers all over my country and others, all said the same thing. A woman, when married, her obligations and priorities shift from her own family and parents to her husband as a wife. A man, when married, his obligations and priorities shift from his family and parents to his wife, as a husband.

They are bounded to each other by marriage no matter the outcomes of their family, after the blissful union bounded by ties of matrimony. The husband is supposed to provide and care for the wife FIRST before taking care of his other family member's needs and the wife, is bounded to the husband and her priorities are to take care of the husband's needs, well-being, and to obey his wishes.

I wonder..... it hasn't come up in my dictionary for I am still bounded by my own family as long as I'm staying under one roof with them.

When will I be able to have my own castle to build? My own moat, my own guardian dragon and my own Prince Charming all to myself?

I'm under a spell that bounded my hands and feet to the family's dungeon.

It's time I take it in strides and do something for myself before it gets worse. I seek solace and the company of good people to help me through this excrutiating ordeal.

I especially love my husband for always being there for me, in sickness and in health, thru good times and bad times, we stuck together, never knowing the meaning of giving up hope and always working things out between us together. Never caring what people think about us.

Sure, there are ups and downs in our relationship, but it has never ever reached to the point of not talking to each other. hehe...

But above all, as an individual, we all must learn how to be independent sometimes, knowing what we want in life and make an effort to make it better and make it happen instead of sitting around waiting for the moon to fall into your lap.

If it's not right, and you've got the opportunity to correct it, just DO IT! If you think it's worth the try, DO IT! If you think it's good for you even when people around you say it's not, and it's not gonna hurt anyone or do any disastrous damage to anyone, but benefits you in return, just DO IT!

Fkin Lazy Day & Upset with the Fkin world

2007-12-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

Waaah.. very the garang u know my title! But really, I'm just fedup...

People made me fedup and caused wrinkles and crow's feet around my eyes coz I'm always scowling at people for the wrong reasons.

Bear in mind, ladies. Make yourselves cheerful all the time to reduce wrinkles betwen your brows and around your eyes... PLUS a tip from my wonderful makeup artist guide, PUT CUCUMBER SLICES ON EYES AND RELAX!!

Trust me... this comes from a mother of a teenager, who does NOT look a day older than 25! And she remained looking like that for years already.. POW!!! FOO YOH!! I envy her actually but can't seem to keep up with her beauty routines... But BOY does SHE LOOK GREAT!

Still, I'm really pissed at people for taking me for granted and treating me the way they treat me.

HAVE THEY LOST THEIR MINDS...????? I'M FARKIN WORKING HERE!!! I HAVE A LIFE OF MY OWN!!!!! WHY!!!? WHY MUST THEY BOTHER ME??? WHY MUST THEY KEEP TABS ON ME WHEN I'M ALREADY MARRIED????????? FOR FOUR YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AM I SUPPOSED TO DROP EVERYTHING AND PAY 100% ATTENTION????

BESIDES THAT, my stupid, ignorant, push-over manager is giving me a HELL of a headache!! He's pushing me all his duties.. Man!!! Just give me your pay and I'll become the MANAGER! Since I'm doing his job!!!

I feel like telling my BIG BOSS to replace him with someone more efficient!

Another option is when my husband's pay reaches $4.5k soon, I'll just be a Tai-Tai!! hehehe...
No work, ALL PLAY! (psst... dreaming... dreaming.. but maybe your dream will come true soon enough)

I'm just hoping and wishing he'd get the job in Dubai, which will make me a wholesome Tai-Tai.. AWAY FROM TROUBLE AND PROBLEMS! AND VERY NEAR GREAT SHOPPING AREA... (all items included in package). House provided, car provided, expenses provided, flight provided, and I just enjoy the view and tour the whole of Dubai... haiiizzz... dreaming, dreaming...

I just dont like it here anymore.. sorry, patriots of this country. But I'm really pissed at this money-faced society.

I've learned to live the hard life.. sometimes with just $2 in my pocket, $10 in my EZ Link Card, and Billing Officers hounding me with overdue payments.
I've cried alone at night before, during the downward fall of economy.
I've suffered in silence before when I had to help my family and left me with nothing to eat.
I've gone hungry and depended on 'sideline' boyfriends to treat me to dinner.
All because I didn't want my other family members to suffer.
Yes, I was that desperate..
..But I was silent.

But still, people took me for granted. My silence is my mistake coz they always take it as though I'm well to do and I am stable financially.

But even if I were to say, I WANT TO BE A TAI-TAI, HUSBAND EARNING $4.5K AND I LIVE IN THE PENTHOUSE WITH AN AUDI R8 TO DRIVE AROUND IN, I WILL SAY....

I DESERVE IT FOR ALL THE LONG YEARS OF SACRIFICES I HAVE MADE AND IT'S HIGH TIME I BE HAPPY FOR MYSELF!

THERE!! I SAID IT! SO WHAT? YOU WANNA CALL ME CONCEITED AND MONEY-FACED? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! COZ I HAVE NOT HAVE THE PLEASURE SINCE BIRTH!

SO I DESERVE IT!!

When it's really tooo much...

2007-11-30T14:25:00.000-05:00

Why do my folks treat me this way? Haven't I been a diligent daughter? Always helping them in every way I can ever since I've started my own career.

Treat them the best I could with what little I have. But still, I have never felt appreciated in my life.

Ego gets in the way of saying nice words to me. Ego gets in the way of praising me. Ego gets in the way of making them feel proud of me.

They think that my career is a joke. Because whenever I go to work, they start hounding me with questions that I can't answer or help them with when I am at my job.

I have told them many times that my job is serious business and employers are keeping hawk's eyes on employees. Employees aren't allowed to do personal business or stuff at work DURING working hours!

I've only started my new job not long ago... and I'm working in a semi-govt multi-national company which is owned by the minister's in-laws or something. I CANNOT be fooling around while these eagles are watching...

And I'm blogging this on my personal pda, ok! Too small for anyone to think that it's actually a mini computer. But then again.. I'm doing it after office hours. I have a hectic day EVERYDAY that involves buttering up to the Directors and Snr Directors and CEOs. It also includes members of parliaments, and grassroots leaders and etc and etc.

These are of VIP status and needs full attention for me to coordinate with my team as to what needs to be done in preparation for their daily or weekly meetings here.. in this building I work in.

Explanations about working in a semi-govt company didn't actually get through my folks minds i think... coz they keep on calling me to solve problems that is impossible to solve through the phone provided how 'wide' their vocabulary is on matters of technology.

I mean, I come home and NOONE bring up the problem. When I go off to work, they start calling me at work! I mean, DID THEY THINK MY JOB IS A JOKE TO THEM?

AM I EARNING MONEY JUST BY SHOWING MY FACE AND DOING NOTHING?

I am the sort of person who sticks to duty and not break rules unless they are really stupid and irrelevant.

I mean... be reasonable.. but when I explained to them about the rules and regulations of my job, they just pretended not to listen.. they heard, but they never listen.

They'll go one saying that I'm not helpful anymore..! Hey!!! Different workplace, different rules!! Some workplace might be flexible, some are not! I have to stick to rules or I'd get kicked out of the company then who would want to pay for all the bills?? Have they ever thought about that?

But no... they assumed that my husband and I are spendthrifts! And that we spend all our money on irrelevant things..!! Little did they realise, that I have incurred a lot of their spending on myself.

Sigh....... Just tired....

Worried about Hamster

2007-11-26T13:39:00.000-05:00

I'm in my office and in desperation for my site office's internet broadband has NOT been setup yet and I'm like here for about a month!! Can't do my job properly and communication is bad and work is not done properly as there's no proper execution through black and white. Fax not working, internet not setup, email not setup. Sigh... How can anyone work??

But it makes me wonder how difficult it is during medieval times when they send out messengers (the horse-ridden human ones and not the MSN ones) to another STATE or VILLAGE to get the message across... That's how I feel now.. But times are slower paced during medieval era.

Now when it's a fast-paced environment, IT IS HELL WITHOUT INTERNET AND TECHNOLOGY!!! GAWD!! I CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM, BUT NOWADAYS I CANNOT GET WORK DONE WITHOUT THEM! (okay.. calm down, annie.. calm down... they'll get it up EVENTUALLY)

Well, in desperation, I used my Motorola K3m to connect to the pc using USB cable and logged on to the internet just to vent out my frustrations... Nowadays, without internet nor technologies, I'm bummed out. There's no motivation at all!

Besides having to do things manually, I finished my paperwork at a 'Speedy Gonzales' mode. By afternoon, EVERYTHING's done!!! All I can do to motivate myself more is do research. And without internet I can't do research!!

But enuf about my frustrations, Back to the topic at hand.

I'm just worried about Hamster. She sms me and said her frustrations and depression about losing a loved one and how her family is treating her like sh*t! hellow.. WHY is it that ALL flesh and blood nowadays have NO sense of care and respect towards each other??

Is it ALL about REPUTATION AND MONEY???? I know Hamster is a very loving, caring, sensitive person. And to ruin her self-esteem and hurt her like that is disgusting. Disgusting to the point of me puking my guts out to the person who hurt her.

She's my friend. She's going through hell. The least that these people could do is give her some slack for gawd's sake!!! People who really care for her are really concerned about her well-being.

Hamster!! Princess! Pleaaasseee don't do anything you'll regret later. I know you're missing a big chunk of your heart if a loved one were to go away. I cannot imagine or fathom how you would be feeling right now. But I've lost a loved one before.. and at best, that person PRETENDED to care for me for 9 god-damn ugly wasted years.

YOU helped me out, Hamster!
YOU were there for me even though not physically.. but mentally,
YOU've helped me get through all these.
It's time I HELP YOU...
PLEASEE....
I know you need time to settle down your thoughts and feelings...
But please DON'T do anything stupid okay??

Remember the good times we've had, though only met you and know you for half a year.. but I've known you since you were 17!! Now it's almost 7 years we've known each other.. Doesn't that account to something?

I love you, Hamster. As a friend, I really love you....! You've always been spunky and fun and smiley-faced, and so lovingly irritable with your touchy-feely attitude.

Don't lose that character!

I am glad that someone's always around to keep an eye on you.

I might not be around physically all the time but I'm just a call away and we'll be coming to your aid anytime you need it.

My husband and I pray for your health and safety. I hope when you've settled down your thoughts and feelings, go out with us and just release everything.. We'll always be here to give you a listening ear and heart.

I wish you well, and hope for the best in whatever u are going thru right now...

Just bear in mind...

WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU
TO CARE FOR YOU AND HELP YOU!!
WE LOVE YOU, HAMSTER!

Had my 3rd photography assignment involving kids...

2007-11-24T15:52:00.000-05:00

Hey.. I just had a photography assignment last week to photograph an event (okay, corrected the spelling... heehee) involving kindergarten kids.

You know, kids moving around and performing for their graduation day. A tribute to their teachers and the kids dressing up in their graduation gowns and stuff..

I was kinda nervous then, but relieved after the event was over. It was an exciting photography assignment and also to add to my portfolio and experience and learn from my own mistakes.

Now comes the difficult part. Editing pictures and looking at them, makes me wonder and I'm nervous till the pit of my stomach coz I am not sure if the client likes them.

Knowing the viewers are gonna be teachers and parents, I'm sure they'll be fussy about how the pictures will turn out, whether their kid is in the picture, whether the teachers are in the pictures, whether the pictures are clear and to their satisfaction.

I'm really nervous and I hope I can get it done before Monday!!! They want it by Monday!! Just have to rush a bit. It doesn't affect me about the timing. I can make it..

What affects me is the customer's reactions to the photos.

Just wish me luck coz my self-esteem is down and I'm nervous as hell and it would really crush me if the customer is not satisfied as they've paid for my services.

Here's a sample:

(to be input later tonight.. maybe.. if I'm not tired...)

Hari Raya 2007 - Colourful decors.

2007-10-16T16:29:00.000-04:00

Hari Raya came on the 13th of October... Celebrated with much foooood.. and not forgetting the pride and joys of decorating... every year....

Here are some beautiful house I've visited, including my own house.. hehe.

Zania Cher's House. VIBRANT & DARING.

Uncle Wahid & Aunt Anim's house: ARTISTIC AND CLASSY.

My Grand Uncle's (Tok Jasid) house: MEDITERRANEAN TOUCH

My Grand Uncle's (Tok Muji) house: RETRO FEEL

My Uncle Ali's House: MODERN BUT SUBTLE.

My Own House

I cost $145.50

2007-10-12T13:36:00.000-04:00

here's the deal. you look it over the following list and see how many of these things you have done. BUT you have to ADD up the money amount along the way. then post the amount that you are as the title of your blog.

1. Had sex: $25.00
2. Smoked: $10.00
3. drank: $5.00
4. Went skinny dipping: $10.00
5. Kissed someone of the opposite sex: $1.00
6. Kissed someone of the same sex: $5.00
7. Cheated on a test: $7.00
8. Fell asleep in class: $5.00
9. Been expelled: $10.00
10. Been in a fist fight: $10.00
11. Given oral: $10.00
12. Got oral: $10.00
13. Prank called the cops: $10.00
14. Stole something: $10.00
15. Done drugs: $10.00
16.Dyed your hair: $5.00
17. Done something with someone older (like a few years): $10.00.
18. Went out with someone OVER 18 (if your under 18): $10.00
19. Ate a whole bag of oreos: $10.00
20. Cried yourself to sleep: $0.50
21. Said you love someone but didnt mean it: $1.00
22. Been in love: $5.00
23. Got caught doing something that you shouldnt have been doing: $10.00
24. Went streaking: $1.00
25. Got arrested: $10.00
26. Cuddled: $1.00
27. Peed in the pool: $5.00
28. Played spin the bottle: $10.00
29. Done something you regret: $5.00

I am screwed up. haha! Guys and girls.. Must try it. haha! Very fun!

A wolf in sheep's skin among us... (updated: 29th Sept 07)

2007-09-29T13:58:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I really wonder...

Why people betray me? Is it because I'm too trustworthy? Is it because I'm gullible? Is it because I trust people too easily when they feed on my sympathy?

I have friends... well,.. so-called friends... I love all my friends and whoever who likes to hang out with me. But as it turned out, friends who ALWAYS say to you "You trust me, right?" or "Don't worry.. tell me.. You don't trust me, is it?", or "I'm your friend, we know each other quite long time and you should know me. I can be trusted"... are always the ones who can't be trusted.

They feed on your empathy about them. They make you think that your enemies are their enemies. They make you think that they're on your side.. But being a gullible person, I guess I trust people too much and that's a habit I've adapted to.

People tend to take advantage of that. I pour out my feelings to friends whom I think are trustworthy, can keep a secret. But I feel that, I've never done anything wrong or betray them.. but they end up betraying me.

You can see that they are your bestest of bestest of friends. You are made to think that whatever you like, your so-called 'best-friend' also like. And thus, trust is established as the person likes what you like, agrees on everything you say and also becomes your spy for you voluntarily. That person will feel insecure if you don't talk or joke with them sometimes, thinking that you found out something bad about them. Or they themselves feel guilty for what they've done but wanna act innocent and still be friends with your enemies to save face.

I've had 'friends' like these throughout my life and I won't know if I'm destined to be betrayed my whole life by friends who thinks they can make you trust them for life.

This changes my perspective in life. NEVER TRUST ANYONE! NOT EVEN YOUR FAMILY OR SPOUSE! BECAUSE EVERYBODY LIES! TO SAVE THEIR OWN ASS.

I'm just pointing out that WE MAY BE FRIENDS, but that doesn't mean that ALL can be trusted.

I love my friends... I will trust them as long as they never betray me one bit.

I have kept all their secrets for may be one day it will act as a weapon for me, WHEN they betray me. (noticed I used the word 'WHEN' instead of 'IF'?) Because friends always betray you in the end.

You have ONLY yourself to trust coz you know what you're doing. Even if you don't know what you're doing, you can trust that YOU KNOW what you do or didn't do, and that's betraying yourself.

This ends my transmission...

I am deeply saddened by people's attitudes that called themselves 'friends' and 'shoulder to cry on'.

I hope that they won't do this to other people in their lives because in the end, THEY WILL END UP ALONE AND MIGHT AS WELL KILL THEMSELVES.

I am a sympathetic person and if you choose to take advantage of my empathy and trust, then it's a guilt you'd have to bear for the rest of your lives for it will haunt you forever.

Complain all you want about me, because I don't even trust any complaints thrown at me without reason.

I love all my dear and closests of friends... Hope you all appreciate the efforts I put in into our friendship and stay true to your words.

I hate to have a dagger stuck in my back. Who doesn't?

To all my friends who thinks they won't betray me, I love you all forever and will still keep in touch with me through happiness or trouble. I love you all.

It's very sad for me to go.. but I must do what I must do in order to survive in a world full of deceit.

And for those of you who betrayed me, I hope you're happy and satisfied with what you've done to my ricebowl. You might not notice that your actions have led to another's destruction but my advise is beware of other daggers pointing at your back in the future. When you've suffered what I am suffering, THEN you'll feel the pinch but it's too late.

For now, I have to find another ricebowl to make sure that my family is being taken care of in terms of living their daily lives in a smooth transaction into tomorrow.

LATEST UPDATE:

I have done some investigations and it turned out my hunch was right. The betrayer is the correct one but little did that person know that I was onto the betrayer's steps.

The best part is people who've read this blog, didn't even realise that it was meant for that person.

I have got feedbacks from various people, on different times and questioning them alone. All of them had justified my feelings. So far about 4 people have confirmed it. That person is very very sly and I don't even know if that person knows what he/she is doing.

By doing what he/she is doing, he/she is hurting people's feelings. By being their 'best friend', he/she is getting in their good books. And by doing that, he/she is gaining their trust.

My good friends, hear my plea. I don't want you to get hurt by this person. So be careful on what u say around others, and be careful what you do too for it can cost you your career and ricebowl just like what this person have done to mine by doing what he/she is doing.

I shall not say anymore for it is for you all to judge and consider. If you all think that I'm the bad one, well, it's up to you coz I'm the victim here.. Just think about it, what have I ever done to you all to deserve this kind of deceit and lies from this particular person.

I have done nothing but be nice to all and try my best to help... but some people just tend to take advantage of my kindness by igniting fire to the oil, taking utmost advantage of me and my husband, to be used like his/her slave at his/her convenience without considering whether we are ourselves needing help.

To this, I end this particular subject and never to be brought up again unless that person realise it him/herself and ask for my forgiveness and admitting his/her wrong doings.

I shall not confront for it will be adding oil to fire. So I leave it at that.

May the guilty person live with it for the rest of his/her life.

To Betrayer: Talking bad about a person that has helped you throughout and THEN pretended to be a good friend to the person you're talking bad about, is nothing more than a betrayal. So my blog is justifiable.

Thanks, pal.

My Photography Portfolio ( Part Deux )

2007-09-24T10:55:00.000-04:00

Well, the photography went great last Saturday. I tell you.... PANASSSSSSSSSSSS!! Pictures and the weather, I mean.. haha! It was a fulfilling time doing my photography with my great 'models' with attitude! haha!

Esther didn't know how to pose at first.. Both Shamira and I tot her how, and later on when she got the hang of it, SHE HERSELF gave her own attitude!! Good job, Esther.

I need not say about Shamira, she's a natural POSER! hahah!!!! I don't have to instruct her on anything... mentel, right? HAHAHA!

IT WAS DAMN HOT DAY! We did a few shots behind my office, it was great as there was a lot of 'vintage' & 'rustic' scenery that I love... lots of messy things around but the focal point was the models... I focused on the models, fading the background, and I also made them fade in the background while focusing on an object in front of me... I used perspective views for photography so the model looked like she's hanging vertically from halfway up the ceiling.. stuff like that..

It took us about almost an hour to get ready, Shamira made up Esther's makeup, 'gothically', they brought along their nice clothes. When ready, we went out for the shoot. It was really hot, I was perspiring like it's raining. It was a lot of fun too as we were laughing and laughing.

I had to get Esther to put on seductive poses, slutty poses, attitude poses, well, posses that tell stories on her face... Same goes with Shamira... but I didn't have to tell her anything as she was already having those slutty, attitude, sad, gothic, 'mamasan' poses ready on hand at every click.

We took like one hundred over shots then went back inside the office to cool down, and we took shots in there too... in the cupboard, under table, those office sluts kinda pose, or the bitchy young jap office girl style.. hahah! Amateur tho! But at least all of us gained some experiences.

Caught in the act by my boss while we were resting in the office with all the makeup and clothes... I explained to him we're just doing some photoshoot outside and we came in to cool down... He was asking us whether the place is good for photography? I told him we love the rustic look... and he just nodded in acknowledgement and out of curiosity and he went back to his meeting.

After cooling down, we went out again and this time went further down to the alleys to take pictures... It was getting too hot, and I was getting tired and so, we ended our session at about 3.30pm. I was really exhausted...

Xuezz turned up at the office to pay us a visit during our photography session but we had already finished...I downloaded the photos onto my laptop and we ALL had a blast looking through all the 443 pictures!!! Was doing some captions along the way and was really laughing our heads off making fun of them.. hahah! Some looked like pictures shot out of Matrix, some Ju-On, some The Ring, some like 'Mamasan' and her understudy... it was sooo funny... but we had fun..

I had to wait for my husband to finish his job... and we left about 5plus in the eveining. Shamira & Esther decided to go home. We sent Esther home to put her belongings, and we sent her to the bus station to take the bus back to her kampong in JB, then sent Shamira home and my husband and I break our fast.

LOOOOVE how my pictures turned out, but halfway through editing, my husband decided to get me a new harddisk for my laptop coz my present one was infected with some spamming virus of some sort.. and it really really slowed down my laptop.

So right now, my new harddisk is still a 'virgin'. SOOOOOOOOOOOO EMPTY!!! I had to install back my Windows XP & editing softwares, and right now updating the windows on my laptop. Sigh...... All the pictures and documents in my old harddisk are not accessible at the moment... so my editing will be delayed... haizzzzzzz..., I've turned my old laptop harddisk into my external harddisk... and I've not released the access permission on my old harddisk.. hence... I still can't access it now as a 'slave drive' so I could at least upload a few of the edited pictures for your viewing....

Well, I guess we'll all have to wait a while...

My photography portfolio

2007-09-22T12:42:00.000-04:00

Shamira, me and Esther decided to do some photoshoot today with soft photography and gothic.. Hope it will turn out good. It's my first time with models... Hope I can accomplish this with ease since I've played with my Nikons (Coolpix 5700, D70s & Coolpix P5000)... Just some experiences I need after experimenting on my own...

I've asked them to bring clothes and gothic makeup and locations are abundant around here.. Planning to make black and whites too..

Wish me luck!!!

WANTED: ADMIN/CLERICAL JOB FOR ME.

2007-09-18T10:54:00.000-04:00

Hi,

Since people here don't like me.

I've been contributing to this company a lot.. and in the end what do I get? Nothing.... You know.. people been complaining about me and these people has got nothing to do with my job AT ALL!! IMAGINE THAT! ALL THE KEPOHS IN THE WORLD! THIS IS THE WORST!

MY OWN BOSS never complained about me.. He's happy with me, I do jobs for him on time, I do my own duties on time and in proper way... I help others in need, I help my own dept boss just as well.

I contributed to every whim of this company, I became an entertainer, emcee and singer during their festivities celebration, I became the deejay, I became part of the organising committee, I make them look good, I became the festive decorator, I became the graphic artist of this company for their website and notice board, I helped out adhoc duties to management and stuff.... but in the end, I'm the victim of deceit. Just because that bimbo gets all the attention and she don't know ANYTHING about doing her own job (simple stationeries distribution and ordering and adhoc paperwork like photocopy and such) but she gets all the attention from the management.. What a sleazeball bitch! She don't even know half the things we talk about in a group and you can actually see her face gone blank and staring at all of us talking... She don't even catch no ball when we joked using synonyms and such. And wow.. her 'England' is damn 'powderful' when she has to email to ALL STAFF (including degree holders and bosses) stating facts and acting as though she's in charge in the email about certain things..

I myself don't understand what she's talking about.. Sheesh.. And she's so 'GOOD' & 'Efficient'???

Oh and her email.. it has all the additional 's' where there shouldn't be and words so simple like 'convenience' or 'convenient' are distributed just like how she distributes the stationeries... so farked.

So, if anyone has heard of any admin asst or clerical job available that requires zero stress cos I don't want any stressed-up job that will get my panties in a bunch, then let me know..

Thank you very much.

STAY AWAY! HAVING PMS! I'M DANGEROUS DURING THESE TIMES.

2007-09-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

RIGHT! I'M TELLING THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD TO STAY AWAY.... I'M JUST RANTING AND RAVING BECAUSE I NEED TO RELEASE TENSION BECAUSE OF MY PMS!! IT'S UNCONTROLLABLE! SO I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT ANYONE SAYS RIGHT HERE OR WHATEVER PEOPLE COMMENT... THIS IS ME.. DON'T LIKE IT? F OFF.

Morning come in office and was in pain from this stupid period. My back aching, my mood swings is terrible. I'm usually a nice person.. but there comes the days in every month where I grow cranky.. My friends understand me... my husband understands me and he usually keeps quiet when I get angry around these time of the month.. He knows it's just my hormones talking... Some of my friends don't understand... and some of you holy people will criticise me for my farkin attitude.

Early morning come into the office and I was laying my head on my desk for 10mins to relax myself, there's the stupid bitch came strolling downstairs in her LOUD, PITCHY, SCHOOLGIRL SQUEELS LIKE A PIGLET raped in the sty, being so-called mentel like streetwalkers in Geylang Lorong 14, talking to the guys as if she owns them all. So mentel that it got on my nerves, told her to SHUT UP and called her a bitch. Yeah, that's me when I'm pissed off at some girl who thinks she owns this company and acts as tho she is the boss when she's of lower rank than I am. Slow in the brain, slow in her job, and when there's jokes, she always never gets it...! I called her a stupid airhead bimbo.

She plays drama in front of her 'so-called' manager and acts as though she's under stress and cries.. yeah.. BOOHOO! in front of her 'so-called' manager and the manager takes pity on her and lessened her work burden but adding it to another subordinate whom already had enough burden on her hands.

Hence, this airhead bimbo, gets off scott-free whenever she makes a mistake. The best part is that she is always so kepoh of our directors documents, which by right, she or either any one of admins are prohibited to touch or see... I guess she's sooooo close to this director that most probably she's giving him free 'service' and that he always goes out with her, breakfast, lunch, or dinner and even goes shopping & breakfast in the morning of a WEEKEND! Yes, I'm basing on facts and not rumours. I saw it with my own two eyes that she went out with him sometimes secretly..

You know what the best part is?? The director is married with kids, and the airhead is about to get married to someone else!!! wow... what a story out of OC! Yeuck! It's sooooooooo disgusting that whenever i see her walking around with her nose in the air and her stupid voice like Nyonya in the market selling fish... IT JUST MAKES ME WANNA PUKE THE HELL OUT OF MYSELF! She's soooooooooooooo slimy to the point of toxic and dangerous.

Yeuck!!! DOUBLE YEUCK! When she is trying to act like a decent good girl with her glasses, and pink clothings,, eeeeewwww...... and sometimes she acts innocent 'not knowing' that her silicone-padded BRA is exposed ALMOST exposing her non-existing boobs to the whole god-damned world... and the best part is her 'so-called' manager insists that noone is to dress too sexy in the office (or so she claimes) but makes no notice of her own staff who exposes her tits to the surrounding guys.

Purrrleassee.. as if she got something there to show.. If I were to yell into her bra, there'll be ECHOES a mile away.... Keep your 'mosquito bites' under wraps okay, bitch? We don't need to see those 'raisins' spilling anywhere... We prefer papayas or watermelons or even sufficient grapefruits.. but not 'raisins'.

Stupid bimbo's voice is giving me more grave pain than I already have.

THIS IS JUST MY RANTINGS AND RAVINGS FOR YOUR READING PLEASURES... NOTHING MORE... YOU CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT... BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICISE ME COZ I'M JUST AS A WOMAN AS U ARE.. AND DON'T DENY THAT SOMETIMES, SOMEDAYS YOU TOO FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT SOME IDIOT IN YOUR WORKING LIFE.

Life's a tree full of rotting fruits...

2007-09-14T23:12:00.000-04:00

Life's a bitch,

You plant the seed,
You give them water,
You provide them nutrients,
You heal their wounds,
You help them grow,
You love them so,
You correct their mistakes for them,
You dress them up in expensive decorations,
You build a lovely garden to surround them,
They grow up nice and beautiful,
You are proud of them,
You brag about them to your friends and family,
You are proud of what you can do for them,
You love them to bits,
You protect them from harm,
You talk to them when they feel lonely,
They grow up more independent,
Refill their thirsts from the rain when you're not around,
Getting nutrients from the soil when you're not around,
You found your new garden in time,
You love your new garden,
The plant that you nurtured,
You want it to be in that new garden,
But the plant refused,
Hated the fact that you are providing a new and better garden for them,
You end up living in that new garden alone,
You are scorned for having a new garden,
Even though you visit the old garden,
You give the garden what nutrients and care you can give,
But it's not enough for them,
The plant that you nurtured scorned you for having a new garden,
The plant did not realise that with the new garden you are helping the old garden,
The plant did not realise that whatever it feeds on comes from the new garden,
The plant just assumes that it comes from the old garden all these while..
The old garden was out of nutrients,
The old garden has exhausted its nutrients,
New garden provided for the old garden out of love,
The plant doesn't care as it grows taller and stronger and more independent,
The plant forgotten about the care and love it has received from you.
All it ever think about is why you have a new garden and not help the old garden.
The old garden gets all the nutrients but it's not enough as it has tall, healthy plants to feed,
The tall healthy plants bear fruits but it feeds the beautiful birds that visited them,
But the healthy plants have forgotten about the old garden that received nutrients from the new garden to feed them and make them healthy.

You sit alone with your new garden.
Your new garden makes you happy, but in the distant you see the old garden,
Old garden struggling and protecting the healthy plants,
But healthy plants forget about the old garden and scorned the new garden for no reasons.
What can u do but sit in your new garden and nurture your new garden for you are not allowed into the old garden anymore.

Wait till they themselves become a old plants and their flowers wither and fruits rotting on the ground, old garden is not there anymore to feed them, and the new garden has long been gone, and the beautiful birds left them.

Let them rot away in their lonely forest full of deceit for they didn't know better and never want to know what is really the root of all their lives....

My 34th Birthday...the most fun I've had.

2007-08-23T23:19:00.000-04:00

My 34th birthday was the most fun I've had in years. This time was really full of suprises....

23rd August: The day started out as usual.. Go to work, reach work before 8.30am, switched on my computer and do my job. Usual day.. and at 11am, started our usual calling on carpooling during lunch, asking around on who is following who for lunch. My husband called me and asked me if anyone's coming with us for lunch.

So, I asked Yaty if she wanted to follow. She said she might not be joining me for lunch as she has a lot of things to finish up. So I said Okay. I asked Shamira, and she said she had to help Yaty do the job. Yati & Eshter at another job site wanted to join us but I said it was too far to fetch them and they changed their minds. And so, Manzur, my husband and I set off to go for lunch.

We went to Hjh Maimunah restaurant near Joo Chiat for lunch. Wow a good treat today. My husband told the waiter, that we have bookings for 12 people. I was like 'Huh? 12 people? Who's coming?' And then I had a thought, 'Maybe, my husband's treating his technicians for lunch after successfully completing the electrical shutdown service?' I just shrugged and just sat at the long table reserved for 12 people as directed by the waiter. My husband went to choose the type of dishes for us to eat.. or so I thought.

When he came up about half an hour later, he brought along 4 other colleagues from HQ - Yaty, Constance, Joanne & Shamira! And all along I thought my husband is treating the workers under his care, a lunch treat. I put on my bestest pout at my 4 friends and they laughed at me. hahah! But I was so happy that they came... We enjoyed the food there and I was like all the while taking pictures and eating coz I was really, really hungry... hahah... Shamira tried to eat the 'chut-chut' - a shelled seafood which you'd have to suck out the content. They are usually cooked in spices and coconut milk. It's kind of savoury and only a little hot. And so she tried and tried to suck out the little bugger from it's shell... I've recorded it on video so watch how funny she was trying to suck the 'chut-chut'. Must have skill....

After the lunch, the 4 of them decided to leave earlier than my husband, Mansur and I. So as not to arouse suspicions or jealousy among other colleagues. (Sheesh! Give us a break once in a while!)

And so the rest of the 3 of us, went back to HQ as usual and finish the other half of the day working. A small pile of documents for me to finish. (SOMEBODY was pissed because under my boss' instructions, she must stamp the received date stamp & sign on EVERY document that she received before passing it to me. Well, tough luck, B****! That instruction comes from a higher authority! Neh neh neh neeeeh neh...! )

Evening came, and as I was finishing up my paperwork, Yaty came to my desk and asked about my husband. I thought she was merely asking if they could get a lift to the MRT station or something. So I asked my husband about it. And he said he got some work to finish up and might be a bit late. I told my colleagues... and Yaty told me to come upstairs with her and I thought why not? I've finished work and she most probably hasn't and needed my company.

And so I went upstairs, but I noticed Yati grabbed my camera along, and dragged me to go upstairs. I was puzzled. Why would she grab my camera? And WHERE IS EVERYBODY ELSE? When I went upstairs, the pantry was pitch dark. I groped around but could see some light lah.. not so dramatic sia.. Then a bunch of people started singing birthday song and I saw the lit candles and I was surprised..!! Oh My Gawd! A surprise birthday for me!! I was sooo damn *bleep* happy! Never had a surprise birthday in donno how many years!!

They sang me the song, gave me the present along with a small and sweet purplish bouquet of flowers.. how sweet.... Even SARAVANAN was there! I could just slap him.. but I didn't ..hahahah! It's a love-hate kinda thing between colleagues. He's so goondu sometimes. Eunice, Mary, Joanne, Shamira, Yaty, 'Mat Container', my hubby all there to wish me happy birthday. I waited for my husband to come up to the pantry to make my wish actually. But I did it anyways, with or without him. Made my wish.. (can't tell you), blow out candles, cut the cake, read the birthday card and open the present. Hell.. it was good fun!! But I really did not expect them to buy me a present that I've always wanted sia!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're really good friends... they know what I like! At first I thought it was a bottle of perfume or something lame like that (ahah! just kidding!). But to my surprise, it was something that only recently had found but my husband said to buy it next time when we've saved the money - Tarot Cards! I love them! Always wanted to own a set, always wanted to know how the future readers do it. Wanted to learn how out of curiosity but never get to because couldn't find those cards. It's not common here in Singapore. And even when I found it, it was dang expensive! But my friends got it for me!!!! I SOOOOOOOOO LOVE THEM! THIS WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY FOR ME!!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!!Here are some goofy pictures of the birthday...! And so ends my pre-birthday day.

(to be continued... about 24th August)

Yesterday was a lot of confusions and coincidences...

2007-08-17T17:10:00.000-04:00

Hey,
Yesterday, work was as usual... But lunchtime came and everyone wanted to join me and hubby for lunch.. and since most of us are big sized.. and my car can only fit 5 people, one by one backed out from joining us for lunch.. but I didn't mind coz we all had lunches together almost everyday. Yati A, Yati B & Shamira decided to stay in from lunch.

E.P. from one of our site offices came to HQ to do some blueprintings for submission and she joined my husband, Manzur and me for lunch.

We did some cam-whoring in the car... whaahahahah!

Did a little black and white photography of old building staircases at Geylang.

We went to Joo Chiat coffeeshop for lunch. Upon reaching Geylang and on our way to the coffeeshop after parking the car, we came across a shop named Shamira. Manzur made a joke. "Eh! Since when Shamira got shop here!?" Wahaha!

At the coffeeshop, see below..

E.P. ate rice with sambal sotong (her favourite), veggies and sambal kerang.

I eat Nasi Rawon.

My hubby ate white rice with this wierd looking fish called 'Ikan Ayam-ayam'. Ayam = chicken. This fish doesn't look like a chicken but its meat texture is like chicken. Well, they say 'Everything tastes like chicken!" wahahahah!

Manzur & hubby tucking into their lunch with full concentration.

This cute cat begged me for food.. So manja!

Then after lunch, we went to pick up my tailored Baju Kurung from Joo Chiat for a while. Here's a glimpse of it.

The receipt showed this name because my husband reminded the tailor of the so called famous 70s singer because of his sideburns. haha! What a joker!

Here is Manzur and E.P. posing at the tailor shop. hahah!

Came back to office. Did our work... Evening came...

Went back towards our home after dropping E.P. off at her home. Went to have our dinner at our neighbourhood hawker stalls...

While we were having our Mutton Soup and bread (still full from our rice lunch), I saw a drink stall named Shamira!!!

What a coincidence! All in one day... ! Maybe because this is what I get from not having lunch with Shamira! AARRGGH!!! The witch!!! HAHAHA!

Goddamned FREELOADERS!!

2007-08-05T23:34:00.001-04:00

You know I am a generous person... but there are limits to my generosity. There's a limit when people are freeloading from me ALL THE TIME!!

I don't mind if I buy things or food for my friends and they love it and appreciate it. I'm not a stingy person like some or certain people thinks I am. I love to help people and I love to give people things or food whenever I can and can afford it.

They're my friends so.. why don't they deserve my generosity when they've been good to me? BUT FREELOADERS!? NO WAY.

I work, yes. I do favours for my colleagues, yes when it's concerning work. But some people tends to step over the boundaries and never realise it that they are being stingy and also freeloading to the extent of irritating me.

I do things for work, yes. But when it comes to personal and they are linking it with work.. then sorry.. I'm not that type.

I do freelancing photography and stuff like that. I DO get paid for my efforts and talent. After all, my cameras and my accessories and my energy are NOT FREE.

But when it comes to my doing it as a hobby and I get recognised for my talents, I don't appreciate it when people freeload from me.

Out of work context, I was doing photography as a favour to a friend for her birthday. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with work, even though people attending the birthday are co-workers and colleagues and friends. I have no idea WHEN was I announced as the company's OFFICIAL FREE photographer.

I don't mind doing it when it's officially announced AND doint it FOR THE COMPANY! But for personal birthdays??? And asking me for the softcopy of ALL the photos! That's too much! I can give it to my friend who's birthday I took photos of as a favour and gift to her.. BUT NOT, distributing my work as some useless pieces of photos and of no value, as and when they like! And anyways, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPANY'S EVENTS! I HAVE COPYRIGHTS RIGHTS, OKAY? AND BY THE WAY, I would really like it if people appreciate my work a little bit more than just to ASKING EVERYTHING FROM ME FOR FREE!
SHEEESSSH!!! LIKE MY LIFE AND MY CAMERA AND MY EQUIPMENTS BELONG TO THEM????

Please lah..... You can appreciate my work.. but then, come to think of it... Where's my benefit from doing all the photography for them?

I get my freelance fees for my own efforts and THANKS TO MY HUSBAND, MY PARENTS AND MY FRIENDS, NOT the company where I work my day job!

And they got the cheek to DEMAND.. yes, demand, not ask or willing to buy my work - ALL THE PHOTOS FROM ME!

WHAT THE......!!!??!?!

Company events, yes. Personal events, depends on me. Whether I wanna give it to the friend I'm doing a favour for, OR to charge my work.

THERE IS a borderline to generosity when people TEND TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! I HAVE MORALS AND INTEGRITY TOO! AND I TOO AM NOT A FREELOADER! I like to pay for things when I want them.

Much to other's hissings, I DO treasure my efforts.

I dunno... You think!?

2007-07-31T00:23:00.000-04:00

Something happened to someone that got me thinking.. Are all your friends and colleagues honest to you? Or are they just making friends with you to cover up their ass? Or your superiors who showed interests and buttered you up so that you are motivated to work hard and please them but stab you in the back just because you're a different colour?

Is this a racial issue? Noo... it's obviously office politics... In which, I don't play. I don't like office politics but everyday we ARE surrounded by it and we have to play by it, no matter how hurt we were.

The BEST thing is that... bitches who pretended they were hurt by rumours spreading, really have cold hearts and would keep on doing what in others' eyes are wrong... and they felt nothing.. no embarrasment, no shame for their morals... and they kept on doing it, no matter if their loved one felt hurt when they witnessed it themselves... but still the bitches kept on doing what they think are right to them... but the fact is they are wrong.

And we wonder,... why all of a sudden, the bitch who just entered into the office just barely a year, gets all the superiors - even the ones whose jobs doesn't have anything to do with the bitch AT ALL - eating out of the her hands!

I thought to myself... Wow... she must have really either drugged these people to follow whatever she says or... she must've done some voodoo magic hocus-pocus spells on them to be wagging their tails whenever she danggle a bone in front of them....

Wow.. What a witch! Basically, I love witches.... but NOT that BITCH OF A WITCH.
Back to the topic... I had to make a little detour to 'The Bitch of the Week' story which I was gonna tell later but just to rope in a few ideas, that's all.

Well, the question is.. When will you know that it's time to move on in your career..? Make the next step? Or know that you're not wanted anymore in your office and be the butt of all jokes (career-wise) with your superiors who'd rather listen to office rumours and jeolous co-workers, than listen from the horse's mouth? I thought they're much smarter than that and that's why they're made superiors?

Or is it that the world is coming to an end when people starting stamping on employees foreheads the race they are and NOT the TALENTS they are!? And superiors started believing in rumours rather than 'seeing it to believe it'!?
Sometimes, we gave everything in our lives to our career just to satisfy our superiors,.. but they don't see it,......... just because......... they don't like you OR the color of your skin OR your cultures OR the culture in which you were brought up!

Reality check! THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO SEES YOUR TALENT BASED ON THE COLOUR OF YOUR SKIN in this world! CAN'T DENY IT! THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE LIKE THESE! It's just that they don't admit it for fear of being reprimanded by the MINISTRY OF MANPOWER which spells the government who in turns protects their citizens by imposing rules to make everyone happy but the followers are just followers for fear of ... again.... being reprimanded. NOT because they like the idea... but because they have fears... fears for their lives... fears for their worldly things and fear of their future...

Reality check! THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO SEES QUALIFICATIONS IN PAPER RATHER THAN RAW 'BORN-WITH' TALENTS! WHY WOULD THEY WORK SO HARD WHEN THEIR PARENTS EDUCATED THEM WITH FIRST CLASS EDUCATION AND BORN WITH SILVER SPOON IN THEIR MOUTHS so that they can achieve a piece of paper that says they're qualified to do so-and-so? But basically, has no talent whatsoever in the working world. NO experiences. All they have is a piece of paper that says, they know these things... Try FACING them with the challenges and they're dumbfounded.

I AM so sick of office politics. As I have observed, those who knows how to butter up superiors with words of 'fake love' deserves a better understanding, a better pay, a better respect, a better acceptance into society than those who toils hard with years of experiences on their hands to path them into a better future & having all the knowledge in their minds and thinking power rather than refer to 'Book of Dummies' for further instructions.

Well, these are office politics... You'll know it when you're not wanted anymore and there's time for you to leave to face a better future, despite knowing that your career was based on RUMOURS from other's mouths that you're incompetent rather than seeing it themselves what we've done all these years to suit their needs.

Without us - the hard labourers - there wouldn't even be superiors... or even a whole company.
So... thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankkk youuuuuuuuuuuu!

Met ANOTHER old friend!!! What a small world!

2007-07-27T09:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had to stay with my husband as he had to put in extra hours (till 1am... *yaaawn*) at his worksite as there were some problems that had occured which needed to be attended to urgently.

But before we go to his worksite, we had dinner after office hours @ Anjappar opposite Mustafa Centre. It was the first time we ate there, but my husband insisted that it was recommended by our Indian comrades. And so we ate there... We had the Na'an bread to be eaten with their side dishes & gravy. We had the Butter Na'an, Garlic Na'an & the Plain Na'an. Side dishes were the Lobster dish (spectacular to the taste buds & cheap too), Crab in some dark curry sauce & the Vegetable cooked in yogurt! Wow... 3 half pieces of different flavoured Na'an bread and 3 different gravies, we were full! That was the tastiest Indian food I've eaten!

While I was washing my hands and my husband paying for the bill, upon returning to our table, my husband told me he saw one of my old friends passed by outside the restaurant. He described her to me and told me that she recognised him and was looking at him and almost slipped on the sidewalk while walking towards another eatery. He described to me how my friend looked like and I knew it was my old friend and former colleague, Murni! She and I were colleagues in the same department in Singapore Press Holdings for about 4 years before I moved on to another department (Asiaone.com).

I went to look for her and greeted her and we were so happy to have met each other since Kushi's wedding and she asked me if I was still in contact with Kushi. I told her Kushi does contact me when she's in Singapore but it has been a while now since she's contacted me. The last time was in February and I haven't heard from her since.... I missed her too. I'm guessing by now, she's already flew back to England to be with her husband, Rob.

I remembered her wedding well... It was so colourful and festive in Indian traditions & culture. I wouldn't know how she hold her wedding in England.. most probably in England's way and cultures. Hope Kushi will contact me again soon.. I missed her much.

Murni and I still contact each other through our friendster.com accounts. She was always so bubbly and cheerful! So we decided to take a picture together for the memory...

Later around 9pm, back to my husband's work site to do my updatings online while waiting for him to finish his duties in solving the problems. I wasn't bored at all... coz even though I couldn't watch my 'Prison Break' hero in action at 10pm on Channel 5, I got to watch my husband's colleague's DVD collection of 'Prison Break', Season 2. I only watched the one they are showing on Channel 5 yesterday. I didn't wanna touch the next episode for I wanna keep the suspense till next week. Shhhhhh... don't tell me!

Updating my friendster, editing my pictures, chatting, surfing and watching 'Prison Break' all at the same time helped me to pass the time... I didn't even realised that it was midnight later when my husband finished the job. But we had to get up early next day to get to his work site as early as possible to be able to attend immediately if anymore problems popped up.

There ends my day... tune in next time for more updates! hehehe...

I've got issues today..... sigh...

2007-07-26T16:44:00.000-04:00

Was helping a friend of a friend today to find a job in photography and suddenly I thought of Richard Simko. Yes... he's an angmoh... I sorta fell in love with him before I even met him. Because he's such an honest and a nice guy... a glimpse of wat he looks like.... Val Kilmer.. kinda.

We knew each other through chatlines and we never missed talking to each other everyday or our lives... talking about anything under the sun.

We kinda got crushes on each other and turned to video-messenger to talk to each other to pass the time and when we miss each other... We even said 'I love you's to each other.. and was aching in each other's heart to meet each other one day... We sometimes talked on the phone.. not long conversations though.. if we wanted to, we'd turn on the video-messenger. We could talk and chat for hours.... talking about photography, digital arts and travelling & cultures. He learned a few Malay words from me daily. Hope he still remember those words I tot him.

He's one talented guy! Check out his website http://www.richardsimko.com/

In the end, after almost 2 years of knowing each other, we could not stand missing each other so much that after much deliberations and considerations and mutual understanding, we decided to see other people. And all because of this long-distance relationship....sigh...

My heart aches for the one person who fell in love with me because of who I am and we have never crossed paths or get to meet each other. Even tho we both have been through tough times with our separate love lives...

But that was a long time ago... We're friends now.. although I think he is the one who permanently declared that we are just friends now... even though I secretly love him.

I met someone else over the internet and got married to this prince charming of mine... but somehow, somewhere in my heart, I still ached to see Richard.... one day.

Richard moved on dating other girls and one of them broke his heart and he told me about it and I would really love to slap that girl who broke my Richard's heart.

Well, he's travelling to Thailand for vacation right now.... Hope he'll be back soon. Can't wait to see his photography. Told him I'll miss him. But don't think he knows that I really DO miss him and love him secretly only.

Have fun on your journey, Richard dear.

It's a sin I have to bear despite being married to a husband I really love for his love for me. He's a wonderful husband... wished I could give him more as a wife. I remain true to my husband.

I may hate them sometimes but...

2007-07-26T15:24:00.000-04:00

Family is our flesh & blood... I may hate my idiotic brother or my spoilt-brat sister, my old-fashioned thinking mother or my fierce dad or my troublesome brats cats... but they're still my family...

I hate the way they put me under a microscope.
I hate their old way of thinking.
I hate their selfish acts.
I hate that they forget about what I've done for them all these years.
I hate that I can't move an inch without asking their permission.
I hate that they treat me like kids when I'm already married.
I hate that whatever decisions I make, they disagree with it.
I hate that they asked for my advise but when I gave them, they never take heed.
I hate that they think that I am not considerate.
I hate that they think that I'm always pocket-full-of-money.
I hate that they exclude me and my husband whenever they shared a good meal.
I hate that whatever we do, we feel obligated to serve them too.
I hate that I feel guilty sometimes for not having enough money to buy food home for them.
I hate that they make me feel guilty for not being able to buy them what they want for their birthday.
I hate that my brother thinks of me as an imbecile.
I hate that my sister is drifting apart from me since she's turned teenager.
I hate that I am not able to be open-minded with them sometimes coz they always think that I'm making wrong decisions.
I hate it when they think that whatever I do with my husband DOES NOT SATISFY them.
I hate it when I want to feel free with my husband, but they made me feel obligated to help them on that day.
I hate it when I am trying to help them but they're never seemed satisfied with whatever I can afford to give them.
I hate it when I feel upset when my mom just went overseas without uttering so much as 'Goodbye' to me.
I hate it when I feel that I missed the old times with my family and don't want to admit it because there are certain things I can't admit that will cause more problems being brought up in conversations rather than comfort of acknowledgement.
I hate it that I'm staying under one roof with them and if I happen to leave, they'll be pissed poor without my help.
I hate it when I feel like an outcast among my other 2 siblilngs.
I hate it when my mom favours my brother and sister rather than me.
I hate it when she defends them not matter if they're wrong and blamed it on me.
I hate it when I'm feeling divided and torn between the affections of my husband and affections of my family.
I hate it that I'm not in Australia or New Zealand starting a new life of my own with my husband and having my own ranch or farmhouse.
I hate it that I'm not able to give whatever my family desires JUST to make them happy and satisfied if $$ is all that counts in their eyes.
I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT.

But what can I do? They're family.

Meeting an old friend for the FIRST TIME!

2007-07-18T04:25:00.000-04:00

Wow... today was great. I heard yesterday that my friend, Shamira was coming to my office to have an interview for a job. I had emailed her resume to my HR dept and she got an interview.

So at 9plus in the morning, I got an SMS from her asking me how to reach my office from the train station. Told her to take a bus and stop at the 3rd bus-stop and walk to my office street. Being the 'blur' Shamira today, she walked in the opposite direction and was a bit lost. So I directed her back to my street and waited for her to arrive.

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I MET HER! AFTER ABOUT 6 YEARS OF CHATTING OUR HEARTS OUT TO EACH OTHER, I FINALLY MET HER! SHE'S AS PRETTY AS HER PHOTOS! AND WOAH... NICE BOOBS! HAHAH! You might think I'm a les sia... but I'm not... I love to envy friends... cos I don't have that big of boobs! haha!
But you're in great shape Shamira! Love u, babe!

After her 'exciting' interview with my HR manager, we got on talking in the meeting room and told her to join me and my husband for lunch later.... so she decided to wait till my official lunch time and she waited outside my office at the sitting area. So sweet of her to wait... very patient person...We went out to lunch at New Hawa Restaurant somewhere in Geylang. I had my century egg porridge, my hubby - fried chillied bee hoon, Shamira - Chicken Fried Rice & Esther P had Seafood Fried Rice. Side dishes are Tom Yam Seafood Soup & Lemon Fried Chicken. Yum yum... slurp!

We got on talking and I was as usual making a fool of myself while Shamira took pictures of me eating and talking and making funny faces! OI! SITI NUR HAMTARO! DON'T make me look fat and round in your pictures ah! hahaha!

Anyways, I will put up the pictures when I finished editing.. hehehe....

It was fun meeting a blogger friend for the first time. We were both cam-whores, taking pictures with our handphones.. hahah!

Batam trip with my web friends...(updated 18/07/07)

2007-06-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

Yo! Yet another Batam Spa weekend trip (16th June 2007) but this time it's with my web friends and ex-colleague... TO SOME OF YOU WHO CANNOT MAKE IT TIME AND AGAIN, MAKE IT A POINT TO GO!

My former colleague, Zul, have gone to Batam with me twice and this time he brought his elder bro along! They all had fun....

He brought his brother but when his friend, Jaja, heard about it, she decided to follow and dragged her family members and also friends along for the trip - 5 of them. I'm missing one or two or three more friend though. They said they'll be joining me and my friends but they always kena postpone their trip. OI! MAKE A STAND! NO MORE ASSIGNMENTS OR APPOINTMENTS WHEN U WANNA GO BATAM WITH ME! HAHAH! (Shamira Shake-Your-Bon-Bon! Siti Aminah Yunos! Yati Mohammed! When!!??)

So, in total there were 9 of us going on this trip. It was a total havoc just booking for the trip, spa & our own transportation. Tho we took the travel package, we need to book our own transport to bring us around as we booked free & easy. So, I called upon my trusted regular chauffer in Batam. And Jaja's friend, Kak Kiah called her friend in Batam to book their van.

But above all, the trip was fantastic! All we all ever did was eat & shop! And not forgetting the Spa retreat! Syok, man!

Upon reaching the new jetty in Sekupang, we went to the money-changers there. There were much hagglings between the 2 or 3 money-changer shops trying to get customers and the customers were trying to get a good deal of exchange rates. Finally, on that day, we got SG$1=5880 Indonesian Rupiah. It was more expensive that previous week which was about SG$1=6100 Rupiah but money rates was always fluctuating in Batam Island. So we settled for the best price we could get there.

My chauffer, Johni was already there waiting for us. So was Kak Rokiah's friend who got to rent the van from someone there. Luggages was loaded and we were brought to Vista Hotel to check-in and drop our luggages first.

Jaja, got the Family Suite as there are 7 of them. The Family Suite consists of 3 separate bedrooms with their own bathroom & TV, 2 of the rooms connected to 1 large balcony where they can hang out. There's also a kitchen pantry and a dining room. It was huge. They were happy. As we usually do, my husband and I was located at the groundfloor deluxe room near the Reception.

We gather at the lobby after putting down our bags and discussed where to go next. All were hungry so we decided to go and eat at a local Sederhana Restaurant.

For Nasi Padang meal in Indonesia, guests will be seated and dishes will be laid out in front of them in small plates. There'll be like tons of delicious dishes to choose from to eat with your plate of rice.

But once you touch one of the small dishes, it is already counted in your bill. As long as you don't touch the dish, it won't be included in your bill. Unless you go by package that INCLUDES lunch. So whatever u eat or don't eat will already be in the bill.

So all 9 of us were seated in the airconditioned area and served up dishes and dishes of yummies. I don't know who's hand was that but he/she was really eager to grab the dishes. hahah! Just joking, ah!

Here's a sample of the dishes... Lemak Sotong (squid cooked in coconut milk and chilli)

The Aftermath...

After, we finished our meal, called on the waiter for the check. Being Singaporeans, we were always so kiasu... Everything also want! And so we ate a lot of dishes. Got the waiter confused as to how to calculate the amount we consumed. BUUURRPP!
See him scratch his head here...

It was really funny... we all laughed and the waiter laughed too!

After lunch, my husband and I went back to the hotel to arrange the spas and our spa was at 2pm that day, but the rest of the gang carried on shopping.

The spa was as usual wonderful... (1) Body scrub using the traditional 'lulur', (2) Full body massage (my regular masseuse knows my body well so she knows what type of massage helps me), (3) a half hour (or until you're satisfied but not more than required according to spa advise) in the sauna room & (4) a soak in the warm tub with herbs and flowers. Waaaaaahhh. syok....

We finished our spa at around 4pm and arranged for our other friends to have their spa. We went to our room to rest a bit while waiting for them to finish their spa.

Zul had a male massuesse to massage his aching body and also his brother was having the 'bekam' treatment. It was a gross sight coz the process was clinical and involved removing 'dirty' or toxic blood from the body through the skin from the back of the body and also the back of the legs. I took a picture of what 'bekam' treatment is like. Quite a number of guys like to do this 'bekam' treatment. It's good for their body.

(to be continued soon.. hopefully by this week.. wahahah! I keep telling myself that)

No easy money but at least EARN JUST BY READING EMAILS.

2007-06-13T23:10:00.000-04:00

Hi, all
Just started this earn at home thingie. I've never tried before and was not always convinced about these things until a personal friend of mine introduce to me.

They won't ask u for your account number or anything too personal. Just your email address for you to keep track of your free account with them of your points and your earnings by JUST READING YOUR EMAILS and clicking a link in them to collect your points. THEY NEVER ask you for your bank account number. DON'T think this is easy money. It's not.. but however don't you think it's high time you earn something by reading their emails? So far I wasn't convinced till my friend showed me a copy of the cheque they sent to her mailbox. Well, it's only $11 at first, but through spreading this method, who knows you'll be earning up to a thousand dollars a month!

I'm trying right now. So far I've got $0.054! hahah! not much but at least I earn something out of reading emails. Try it!

http://www.emailcashpro.com/?source=Source_Name&r=missdarkness73

Just spend only 5-10 minutes checking ur emails and earning the points.

My monthly trip to batam (16th June 2007)

2007-06-11T21:54:00.000-04:00

Hi, all,

Seems that I'm in pain in my womb and my back is killing me. The only thing I have to do besides taking painkillers everday and suffer every night is to have my massage with my regular masseuse in Batam. She's good in this sorta thing. I'm gonna spend at least 3 days there just relaxing, de-stressing and getting myself back to health.

U guys wanna join me for spa? (read my blog dated 6th June 2007) Contact me and let me know by tomorrow morning (13 June 2007).

I'm going on the 16th June and will be relaxing and de-stressing so that I don't suffer from depressions like I did long time ago, till I felt like killing myself, sitting on window ledges and slashing my wrists. So long as I have my husband with me to comfort me and de-stress me, it's okay.

I'm really suffering physically and mentally in self-esteem but I seemed to be invisible to a lot of people but it's okay. I just have my husband to depend on or to give my love and care to.

Besides that, I'm gonna buy my mom the branded bag she always wanted for her belated birthday present. I was looking around in Batam also and saw an electric gibson guitar - thought of buying it for someone but it seemed that I'm invisible so I'd just save my money.

It seemed that I'm always thinking about other people when I'm on vacation or whenever something reminded me of what they always liked or their favourite things and I always manage to buy those things for them... but it seemed to me, caring and thinking about them, does nothing but conjure up their hatred towards me.

I've always loved all of them... but maybe I'm just not wanted or loved anymore. People seemed to think that my husband and I are selfish people but they just don't know what sacrifices we have made and what we've suffered and still suffering till now.

But it's okay. I'm not going to fret about it like they always do about how they've spent their money on me and saying if it's not because of them I wouldn't even get to be where I am now.

That's fine with me... but it's time I fly the coop and take care of my own nest.

So far, I've been helping and sacrificing and if people still think I'm selfish. It's okay.

As they say, 'Absence make the heart grow fonder' & also 'You won't know what you have until you lose it'.

And so... feeling useless and rejected and invisible, I'm trying my best to make myself scarce and trying my best to take my leave from this place and start a new life of my own.

I am guessing people won't miss me that much when I'm gone coz they simply hate me and my husband for I don't know what reasons.

As whitney houston said 'It's not right, but it's okay.' I'm gonna love them anyways... quietly. In my heart. It will be my secret. For however I showed my love, not by saying them, but by doing small little things for them everyday, I'm just invisible and of no use anymore.

So I'll take my leave.

Really thanks for everything.

Our Batam Trip

2007-06-06T05:36:00.000-04:00

My husband and I went to Batam recently (26/05/07) to help out my parents who has a group of travellers from a company who wanted to make their yearly celebration there. We've arranged for them the hotel, meals, event hall usage, transportation and tours.

It was hectic & tiring but it's kinda okay too coz I get to go to my monthly spa over there. I used to stay at the Vista Hotel in Batam but because this particular group which I was bringing over, wanted to stay at the Planet Holiday Hotel in Batam and so I had to stay in that same hotel in order to meet up with the hotel staff on the arrangements of facilities for the event.

Saw a very thick cluster of cloud... decided to take a picture of it....

But nevertheless, here are some of the photos and descriptions of the 2 days I was in Batam.

On the tour bus upon reaching Batam.

The tour guide
Lunch time at the Bundo Kanduang 'Padang' restaurant.

While guests settle down to eat in the private airconditioned eating area, my husband discussed with the tour leader in Batam (below) on other arrangements to be made for the event.

After the discussion, we sat at a table with the tour guide and designated bus driver to eat the delicious lunch. Lots of local dishes to choose from, but remember, they're being laid out for u on the table, but once you touch a certain dish, you'd have to finish everything on the plate as they will charge you by the plate of dishes you've touched.

After lunch, my husband and I were dropped off at the hotel while the rest of the group went on a tour around the island.

Pictures Above: Planet Holiday Hotel & the lobby the hotel, Batam Island, Indonesia.

Upon checking into my hotel room, I've got this habit of checking out the toilet first just to make sure everything's in order or there's no leaky gadgets or if the flush is working or not. The hotel checked us into a Deluxe room with a balcony where I have a nice view of Batam Island and the hotel pool (pictures below).

After checking in and resting a while, we met the tour leader to discuss more of the hotel arrangements for the event. About an hour later, we went out to buy some stuff and called upon our trusted chauffer, Johni (picture below).

After buying the stuff we need - products there are really cheap, by the way - , we went back to the hotel to have our spa retreat for about 2 hours.

My husband and I had our body scrub, full body massage, sauna & warm herbal bath in the tub to relax our body and mind to the sound of javanese music in the background. After a month's hard work and stress, this is our time to de-stress.

But at around 5pm, it's time for us to get back to our job of making sure things run smoothly for the event.

We made sure the event hall at the hotel was arranged properly, lightings there, and the Emcee for that night - who were coincidentally was crowned Miss Batam 2004 at their local beauty pagent (pictures of my husband & I with the beauty queen).

My husband became the deejay for that night. Unfortunately, the facilities for a small party wasn't quite sufficient so we end up playing songs from whatever CDs we had on us which was limited. If only I had the 'jack connector' for my MP3 player, I could just plug in all my hip hop songs into the speaker.. but alas, we got to make do with what we had and make it the best we could.

My Husband, the part-time deejay. haha!

When the event hall was filled with the guests, the even started with games and such, arranged by the guests' leaders themselves. I was the one doing the photography and such. After a lot of gun games and lucky draws, the guests just enjoyed their food from the buffet, while my husband and I went out to meet up with the tour leader again for courtesy and discussions just to update him on what's going on or whatever it is that we needed for the event.

Though there were a little bit of hiccups and such, we managed to go through the night without major disappointments. The event ended around 11pm close to midnight, and everyone retired to their own hotel rooms.

The next day was free and easy time for everyone. After breakfast, I called my personal masseuse to my hotel room to have my private 2nd body massage. I had to regain my health and my regular personal masseuse was the only person who knows how my body works and she gave it her best shot at massaging me and getting all my body muscles back to health.

Later, after my masseuse left, my husband and I got a full hour sleep before we check out of the hotel.

Taking pictures of my handsome husband for fun.

At about 1pm, we made sure every one of the guests in our group were settled into the bus and their ferry back to Singapore were arranged and greeted them off as formality and smiling at them, (despite being treated invisible by three-quarter of the group members). When they were off, we waited for our chauffer, Johni to have lunch at our favourite restaurant in town. See pictures of my favourite local dishes and bottled tea below.

After lunch, my husband and I went window-shopping at one of the famous shopping centre nearby the ferry terminal.

We still got a couple hours left before our trip back to Singapore. So we decided to hang out at a local Donut cafe called J.Co and surf the net using our iPaq.

I was sick again...!

2007-06-06T03:19:00.000-04:00

I don't know what's wrong with me, man... Maybe it's the ventilation in the office? Maybe the non-ergonomic chair I'm sitting in at my desk? Maybe it's the weather? Sigh...

I was sick again past few days, my tummy wasn't feeling good, my joints aching, my back ached every damn morning and I had to take two types of painkillers prescribed by doctors.

This time I didn't take MC coz you know how people talk in the office. Although I'm genuinely sick, if I take MC too frequently, HR mgmt will enquire.. sigh... Life's like this... It's so unfair that you get questioned all sorts when you're sick.... and sometimes not only colleagues or mgmt are skeptical, even family members don't believe that you're really sick.

I took painkillers yesterday and couldn't even work as it was too painful. My husband bought for me medicated muscle relief patches to put on my back and I took about 2 hours of sleep at my desk here coz I couldn't even concentrate on my job. I informed my other colleagues and they helped me do some stuff.

I'm grateful and appreciative of them for helping me out and my boss for understanding me.

I'm better today... after a lot of rest.. but I don' t know if my husband is okay coz around midnight to about 2am he had to leave the house to drive all the way back to his jobsite as there was something wrong with the chiller that provided the cooling atmosphere through aircon to the server room and it is very crucial for the server room to be cold all the time in order to keep the computers working 24hours.

I can't remember wat time he came back home as I was already knocked out after taking the muscle relaxant and couldn't wake up even if a bomb exploded next block. I hope tonight upon returning home, my husband get to sleep well and hope nothing goes wrong with the stupid chiller at his job site again.

I'm sick, man..!

2007-05-29T11:41:00.000-04:00

Whatever lah... today i'm sick. MC for 2 days. And Thursday will be a Public Holiday so I am able to get lots of rest. Hopefully will be back to work on Friday. It sucks to be sick, man. I'm in pain, can't surf much and chat with my friends.

My paperwork, I'm sure, will pile up like almost halfway towards the office ceiling. I know because if I don't work for even half a day, paperworks stacked up.

But nevertheless, I get to lie down on my bed with my laptop in front of me, listening to my Indonesian Spa soothing sounds of softly chirping birds, Indonesian gamelan being played and sounds of seaside waves, also some cricket sounds and forest sounds, on my CD player, and burn my aromatherapy oil to relax me and make me endure my pain a bit.

The day is not so hot so I just turned on my wooden ceiling fan to number 2 and I'll feel like I'm in a spectacular Banyan-tree-like resort somewhere, where breezes blow softly, leaves rustling and sounds of kookabooras, birds and other birdcalls softly in the distant.

Imagine that and feel how relaxed u are.....

Going to sleep and rest now... I'm in another world altogether....

Wacky Thursday!

2007-05-25T16:55:00.000-04:00

Had a wacky Thursday yesterday... Don't know what gotten into me... Just having fun I guess.. or relieve stress that has been mounting over the week...

Came in in the early morning, accompany my husband to his work site to collect some filed documents to bring to HQ. Was sleeping in the car while waiting for him...

Reached office 15 mins early than official time. And had my coffee. And suddenly my day was wacky...

I disturbed everyone in the office. Stepped on open-shoe toes, hearing screams from them coz I was wearing my Timberland boots and can't feel anyone's toes whom I had stepped on.. hahah! Well, they chose to wear those sexy open-toed girl's shoes.. for I rarely wear them. That's why I say they're girly shoes. I'm a rugged sort you know.

Started freaking out my colleagues, while doing work.. My motormouth at work saying all sorts of rubbish, cursing at the smallest thing that went wrong like my stupid mouse doesn't move.. (maybe it's dead.. awwww... )

Irritating my next door neighbour, Hii (right). He looks angry.. but I know he's not. Terrorising my stupid MCP friend, Saravanan, 2 cubicles from me... saying funny greetings to my former cubicle neighbour, Aman. Teasing my admin neighbours who sits in front of me.

All these in one morning, while I do my job at the same time, managed to finish a whole bloody stack of documents. Phew! Trying to hide from my boss coz he's giving everyone a 'black face' and seems like a cloud of rain is following him.. haha! But I didn't mind. He's got things on his mind. I just try not to get in his path.

Talked nonsense with my upstairs neighbour, Yati, she's fretting about being transferred to a site office where she didn't wanna go. She said it was more fun and crazy here. We teased my new neighbour, Hii, who was also her neighbour upstairs.

Took pictures of people working, and disturbing them at their desk.

Hasta (top) is blurred when I tried to take her picture, E.P. (below) is just smiles and at peace with the world...

Here, Aman (holding the sharp tool) tried to stab Sara (smiling like an idiot) in the back with a sharp tool or something... but being Sara, he just too oblivious about all these things. They hate each other, but I think it's a love-hate relationship.. Shhh.. U didn't hear it from me.

Lunch time! We decided to go out for lunch. Joanne, my husband and I hitched a ride George's van to go to Sims market for lunch..

Here is George (right) eating his 'Nasi Lemak'* from a chinese stall. Concentrate.... Don't let spoon not reach your mouth... Girls (those of u reading this), don't drool over George. I know he's cute and good-looking but alas, HE'S TAKEN! You can look all u want tho. (psst.. he's in my friendster list of friends).

Here is Joanne (below), trying to figure out which dish of the Nasi Lemak she wants to start eating first. BTW, I think she looks sweet here.. Natural look. I don't think she looks ugly or wat.

My husband ate 'Tahu Goreng'** (below, left) and I ate 'Kachang Phool'*** (below, right) we eat minimal nowadays... indulging in full meal once in a while tho. Accompanying the food are our Blueberry flavoured drinks (bottom).

After lunch, we waited for George to 'Da Bao'**** lunch for another colleague in the office. I got shots of pigeons scurrying on the floor to grab whatever scraps they can grab - oblivious to people walking around....

Took picture of a washing basin area centerpiece at the food market there.

Me and my husband did crazy stuff in George's van while waiting for George to buy his weekly TOTO nearby .. hahaha..

Wacky pictures of my hubby...

Nothing to do and looking around the inside of the van, I decided to fool around with some things in it.

I acted like a fierce site supervisor with my safety helmet and those neon coloured safety vest. My husband acted like he's sleeping lazily. (Bad acting, tho).

So he decided to play with his.... iPaq!

George was teasing us by shaking the van from the outside as though we were doing 'IT'. hahahah! Very funny, George.

Back in the office, my crazy friend Yati, fooled around with a plastic toy gun that uses small balls as bullets.. so I acted like a police detective hiding behind cubicle partitions and trying to shoot George and my husband.

But then I thought to myself, this is a good photo op and so.. this is the result... HAHAH!

CRAZY WOMAN ON THE LOOSE!

** Tahu Goreng is fried tofu with vegetable stuffings, topped with sweet and sometimes a bit hot, peanut gravy.

***Kachang Phoo - red kidney beans, boiled and grinded into sauce with some 'Ghee' oil and some spices, eaten with bread, poached egg, diced raw onions and green chilli.

****Da Bao - pack, or to pack eg. lunch (This meaning is wat i know so far, hahah!)

Why do I feel the need to forgive him... again? Help me...

2007-05-23T03:37:00.000-04:00

My friend apologised to me today through email coz he's got short term memory of phone numbers. He can't remember mine. And anyways, I've changed my numbers due to unavoidable circumstances.

We argued at first (thru emails). Hurtful words came and hurled. He told me he'd throw away all the gifts I gave him a few years back which was only a few and he kept it for memories of me. Not being able to see each other is painful. Even tho he's just a friend, sometimes we miss our friends. Tho it's not necessary to meet, sometimes it helps to see each other and keep in touch... not literally though.

For me, when anyone gives me gifts, even the smallest and insignificant, I treasure it for life and will never throw it away.

I told him, if it meant very little to him, then just throw them away forever into the drain or incinerator or something. But no matter what he did, I will cherish and remember our friendship .. or what's left of it.

But in my heart, I knew he wouldn't because I know him better than that.. He was just saying those things out of anger...

Then came the next email... He apologised for his rude behaviour. That got my hopes up of keeping the friendship alive. He told me to call him in his office... and I did.

I melted hearing his sorrowful apologies but somehow his marriage was in topsy turvy right now. It somehow made me feel guilty for calling him. But his apology was sincere and from the heart...

But I screwed him by saying he's a weak person. He's supposed to be the head of the house and yet he's weak. He said he's trying his best because as far as he knows, we didn't do anything wrong by calling and talking...

I told him that she was a menace because she called my office and asked about me but I managed with the help of my friend to push her off.

Where in the world did he find this woman to be the love of his life? She simply has no trust at all over him... not even friends or colleagues! What the hell, man!

All I did was say hello and I thought I called the wrong number. But she wasn't convinced that he didn't have affairs with anyone.

I just don't know how right now.... Should I forgive him for he didn't know what he was getting into when he married her? or Should I forgive him and treat our friendship as per normal? or Should I not forgive him and destroy our friendship altogether.

He apologised but I didn't say okay. I just kept on arguing with him.. but he kept himself calm and talked to me and told me wat happened after that.

It was my fault for not minding the time I called and it was also his fault for not warning me that he wasn't working.

He told me things were still sour with her... but he had done enough convincing all these years that he hadn't had any affair. And now he simply gave up convincing.

I believed him.. because he's not the type and he hasn't been the type to stray. He loved his family.. but maybe that was not enough for them at all.

Sigh..... I'm in dilemma. I missed my friend, but he hurt me many times since. But then he didn't mean to. He's just in a situation where he can't avoid crisis.

Should I or shouldn't I?

Losing an old friend

2007-05-21T23:22:00.000-04:00

I had an old friend. We used to be so close that we share everything in our lives. Though we lead separate lives now, we still talk to each other.

I've known him since the year 2000, sharing the same hobbies like photography and singing. We've entered a singing competition together and he got in 6th place and I got in 3rd place... but we shared good times together. It was mutual.

I have my own separate love life. He has his own family. We were just good friends.

But people just don't understand that we're good friends. People gossiped about us, saying we were having an affair to the extend that his significant other declared war upon me just because we're friends. It did not happen to only me.. it happened to his other female colleagues and friends. The only thing I have to say about his significant other is that she's a psycho-obsessive bitch.

He loved nobody else but his wife. That's a good thing about him. Even to the extend to say that he was a virgin till he married his wife. He told me, call him old-fashioned but he believed those things should be done after marriage. We talked. He had problems, he confided in me. I have problems, I confided in him.

Yes, I do have female friends that I confided in but only one friend I could trust and now that friend of mine has her own life living with her husband in England. And so I was left alone here with no close good friends that I trusted. Only him. It's not wrong to just be friends. We don't even see each other since like 2002! We just talk.

It's sad to know that he had given up on our friendship because his pyscho wife thinks that every female friends and colleagues are out to get him into their pants. PURLEEEASSEE...

I now have my own love, my prince charming, the love of my life. Why would I wanna get in his pants? In fact, I remained faithful and honest to my husband. My husband knows that I'm still in contact with this male friend of mine and my husband didn't mind. It's not like we're having affairs with each other. We merely keep in touch through emails or phonecalls. Even then it's just once in a blue moon.. just to keep in touch with friends. And even then, we talk in general about fishing, about computers, about his hobbies and mine.

But what I can't believe is his significant other mistrusts him all the way 100%. I don't know what I did wrong that made her furious. She's a real psycho. But what I actually think, she should look at herself in the mirror for I know that she's having an affair with someone else behind my friend's back. She's the one being unfaithful... but he's the one being threatened. If I were him, I would stand up for my rights and tell her off for once. He confided in me but he still gave in to her.. "I'm sorry for calling u a weak man.. but you ARE weak. She mistreated you all these years and you still give in to her. You are having a false relationship.. there's no trust, no sympathy, no love. But you are what you are.. A sympathetic guy who gives in to everyone who comes into your arms or into your life. You are a kind and forgiving person. She does not deserve you. And if you are reading this, I'm sorry for causing trouble.. but in actual fact, she is finding trouble herself."

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It's my mistake for calling him to talk to him about a certain news that I know of and wanting to ask his opinion about it since he's good at the subject. But it was a wrong call of judgement.
His significant other kept on questioning who called him even though he picked up and said 'wrong number' which is a signal to me that he's not to be bothered.

Because of his significant other scrutinizing ways, he's got no friends, no close friends to talk to. All his friends shy away from him because of his significant other. What I think is this is a case of a serious compulsive obsessive disorder.

And because of that mistake, he quarelled with me asking me why I called him. He ended up the argument, saying 'women are all the same'. I don't blame him for saying that and I can't blame him too. He's been through a lot that had exhausted his mind and body.

She bullied him through the years, threatening to leave him if he did any minor mistakes. I feel his sorrows, I feel his imprisonment. But he just chose to stay in that situation so I can't do anything but just being a friend.

But now, everything is gone. Our friendship is destroyed because of this 'significant other's' obsessive behaviour. But he chose to stay and deal with it.

From what I think, she's more important to him than anything.. so I chose to back out of this treasured friendship.. and his reply was.. 'Whatever. Do what you think is necessary'.

My heart shattered for a thousandth time. I had to let him go since it's what he wanted.

If he thinks that this friendship of ours is worth keeping, he will call me back. If he didn't call me back.. I will leave it at that.

I'm so broken. I lost a good friend. And for what? The mistrust of his significant other.
I wish you good luck in whatever you do, my friend but I will still cherish our friendship for as long as I can remember.

Thank you for your friendship.

N.B.: Some details are changed to protect the identity of the person mentioned.

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Should I migrate to Australia or New Zealand?

2007-05-11T01:35:00.000-04:00

I am waiting for the day when I finally pack and migrate to either Australia or New Zealand.....
I love both of them. My husband has been staying in Australia for 2 years for his studies and he knows the Melbourne area at the back of his hands. He really loves staying there. He loves the weather and the atmosphere. Fresh, clean air and he even loves the cows and the sheeps.

He doesn't mind staying there and working as a fruit-picker in a fruit farm. He loves nature and even said sometimes you can have 2 or 3 seasons in a day! The change of weather is unpredictable, water is free, education for kids is free, and when you're not employed the government will kinda help you financially every month just to keep the crime rates low. Sunday over there is a family day. NO WORKING AFTER 5pm. Everyone packs and go home at 5pm. No overtime, but govt insists that employees spend enough quality time with their families too.

How wonderful that sounds to me. We both grown to love nature and animals. So our tastes are the same. We would love to be volunteer surrogate parents to abandoned baby animals like koalas, wallabies, wombats, kangaroos, cats, etc... Taking care of them at our dream house with large garden for them to run around in.

I would love my new landed-property house with a couple of cars and also a caravan for our mini-getaways.

On the other hand, we've grown to love New Zealand too as we went there for our 12-days self-drive honeymoon. That time was the time when I felt SOOOOO FREEE!!! SO MUCH FREEDOM!!!! JUST ME AND MY HUSBAND!

New Zealand has fresh air, lots of space for me to breathe...!! I don't like to feel suffocated which is what I'm feeling right now in this country...
Just waiting for the day when I have my dream life with my husband. Just dreaming about it now... sigh....

So what do you think? Australia or New Zealand?

My husband - my life

2007-05-07T01:34:00.000-04:00

3rd May was my husband's birthday, and as usual, everyone forgets unless I reminded them about it. It doesn't matter though, they were nice enough to greet him or give a last minute present. It's the thought that counts, right?
Nevertheless, I hope he likes the HP iPaq I bought for him, which I've been saving up for quite a few months. I don't even know if I have enough to buy my mom a present this coming June. Sorry, mom if i don't have enough to buy you a present. Tight times.
I just brought my husband to Swensen's and bought him a Birthday Ice-cream and sang birthday song to him... just the two of us. It's kind of relaxing.. no hoo-has coz if we ever plan to have a birthday party, we would have it big and it would cost quite a sum. We wished it one day but budget's a bit tight nowadays having to pay this and that and covering up others.
But it's okay. I've spent a memorable time with my husband on his birthday. He also said he just wanna spend time with me on his birthday. And buying him that long awaited present and a birthday ice-cream, was well-appreciated by him.
I love my husband and no matter what people say about him being selfish, or stingy, or even spendthrift or whatever people accuse him of, the real fact is I know him better than others do. And no matter what they say, he will still be my husband and my one true love. In life or death.
He's NOT selfish - but people just take advantage of his generosity which drawn him to seclusion. He's NOT stingy - but then again, people do take advantage of his generosity for their own needs which drove him to be aware of not being too generous. He is NOT spendthrift - he's just overdrawn in his accounts for other personal reasons that people do but never see. People accused him of things he never do, and I know him better than that. Go ahead, accuse all u like coz as the saying goes - "I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say, bounces off me and sticks to you."
The most important thing is that my husband and I cherish each other. THAT'S all that counts. And we are destined to make that fresh start to our lives anytime soon - just the two of us.
I love you now and forever, my Polar Bear. Remember our promises to each other.
Let God teach all the accusers the lessons they deserved - on earth and in hell. I curse them to be miserable for the rest of their natural born lives and also the afterlife. Feel what I feel.

My Fulfilling Weekend

2007-04-17T01:34:00.000-04:00

Yo. Peeps.
I had a satisfying weekend, I should say.

On Saturday, my husband and I sent my two lovely cats to the vet at Geylang East (very very nice and caring lady vet & co-workers there.. I recommend it. Ask me where.)
Patchy, a tri-color normal cat, complied easily getting into the portable animal carrier. She was really a good girl, sitting in the carrier as tho it's her own home. Pepper, on the other hand, was really a tough feline to handle! We tried calming her down, feeding her treats, and tricking her into thinking it was her cat bed. Still she struggled and caused scratches to my husband's arm and also almost bite my hand. But she's okay when we managed to put her in the carrier.

She was drugged at the vet's clinic as they need to tend to her nails, ears, and her cough. She had the cough quite some time now but I just couldn't find the time to bring her to the vet. They had to drug her mildly just to keep her calm. If they didn't, she'd be running wild and scratching everyone in sight thinking they wanted to hurt her.

The vet was a very nice lady in her mid 40s. She talked to my cats, gave them their vaccinations and treated my Pepper for her coughs. Now I gotta get myself or my sister to feed Pepper her medication everyday for the next 7 days or so.

I have to bring them back to the clinic next month as their vaccination was long overdue and the vet had to give them boosters next month. Sigh.. more money... but I tell u, it's worth it to see my cats healthy and happy. No children yet, so cats are my kids.

It was hectic, then after that we had to carry Pepper all the way to my mom's office as she's having a meeting and would like me to be involved too. Patchy was already at home as she only needs vaccination in the morning but Pepper was put under observation so we had to collect her in the evening right before my mom's meeting with her staff and freelancers.

After the meeting, we went home and had a nice dinner together and took a rest. My sweet hubby suggested we go out the next day, buying stuff to improve our bedroom... After all, the bedroom is our private sanctuary... we need it to be cozy and comfortable as much as possible.

Sunday morning came, we sleep in late till 11am.. but woke up, had breakfast, washed up and went to Ikea to buy some shelvings and stuffs to redecorate our room. We helped around with the shifting of some office computers from my parents' old office to the new, salvage some old stuff to give a friend and also asked that friend for help to move some stuff we bought from Ikea, which couldn't fit in our car.

With some help, we rearranged our furnitures, rewired all the cables for the tv, computers, modems, wireless routers, dvd players, xbox console, stereo speakers & subwoofers and etc. phew! Set up our shelving and viola! we have more free space in our cozy, romantic room. It was hard work but it paid off.

At night, we were invited to a BBQ gathering at nearby jetty by my uncle but we passed on it as we were too exhausted. My parents went on with it and they had the best time spent, which was also quality time for them to spend with each other. It's been quite a while since they've hang out with friends over a bbq pit.

My husband paid his ultimate attention to me these past few days, not missing a beat. He is SO sweet. Not like what other people think about him.

He's the sweetest, most loving and attentive guy I've ever met among all those 'buayas' and 'monkeys' I've dated before. They're sooooo EEEEEEEWWWWW! They think of nothing else but treating women like their slaves. I hate that... and especially the ones with GIANT EGOS!
But enough about that.. Most importantly, I had the best week with my husband. Spending quality time with your loved ones is the most important. I treat this week as special.... Refreshing, replenishing and renewing love between my husband and I.

My husband told me we can spend time like this forever till we die.

He told me that with or without children, he would be with me forever and nothing can break us apart. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me and NOONE else. Told me that first time he saw me and till now he has never stopped loving me and now our love has grown stronger and stronger despite the ups and downs and trials this marriage has brought upon us. He said he'll do just about anything to keep me happy and contented with life with him as much as possible.

Isn't that sweet?

He's the best husband ever. And I will do whatever in my power to be the best wife & best friend he could ever have.

Selfish, Immature, Bitchy People on the loose.

2007-04-15T01:32:00.000-04:00

People are sometimes so selfish. Friends turned on you, loved onces lied to you and others just want what they can't have.

I've come to know some people who call themselves friends but they turned on you and do things unimaginable to you right under your nose and you'll never realise it till you found out from other people, feel humiliated and betrayed.

Some are so immature that even if they reached their prime years and had their own family life, they would still destroy other's marriages by being selfish and conceited just because they can't have what they want.

For instance, a friend of mine dated this girl before she chose to marry another. He decided to stop seeing her as she's to be married to someone else. They're still friends, of course.
And so she got married, lead a happy life with her husband. But few years passed and they still could not concieve. Her husband starts his philandering ways and work late through the nights and she was left all alone.... Seeking attention from everyone else and telling EVERYONE she knows how lonely she feels at home and how she suspected her husband of having affairs outside. Introducing to everyone her husband through the net and impressions he gave and her complaints have led friends to believe that he really hurt her and friends took pity on her.

She concieved but her pregnancy failed and she complained again that she can't cry in front of her husband as her husband tend to put down her feelings and hates it when she cries.
Again she asked for pity from friends and all believed her and gave her the deepest sympathy. Again she asked friends for advice on her philandering husband. But by now, she's getting frustrated because her friend, whom she dumped to marry her present husband, is giving HIS wife all the attention and all the luxuries in life and gave his wife all the love she needs.
And so this LONELY woman, feeling jealous and unsatisfied, decided to seek attention from other guys. Going out with her ex-boyfriends, single or married, and seeking their sympathy while all at the same time blinding their wives by being their friend too.

She seek sympathy when she's depressed caused by her failed pregnancy, she seeked sympathy through her office colleagues and they all chipped in to help, not knowing that they'll fall victim to her hyperactive sexual habits.

She can't get enuf from her philandering husband and so she goes out and hunts for her victims... weak men who sympathises with her not knowing her evil ways under ALL those holy appearances.

She seduces them, making the impression that she likes them, made use of them to send her here and there, made use of their weaknesses to feed her sexual desires which was left unattended by her husband. She made them think that their wives was not as good as her. And underneath all that pretence, she just aims to satisfy her sexual desires, become the centre of attention, and to satisfy her greed of not getting the man she wanted and losing them to another friend.

Acting decent and holy in front of husband and family members, she got away with being the unfaithful wife.

But, a warning, when her husband found out her unfaithful ways, and he denies his philandering ways, and she felt threatened that her marriage will fall, she denies that she was the victim and that the other guys are "trying to be funny" with her despite her saying 'no' to them. She covers her tracks by making known to her victims' wives that she was unsure of what it will do to their friendship if she told them of their 'unfaithful' husbands.. but she did so.

And, lo and behold, at the same time she 'regains' her husband's trust and ruins other's marriages. She will team up with the 'unfaithul husband who touches her and his wife' and also her husband, to go against the 'unfaithful husband', puts on her holy appearance, puts on her 'victim' face, and make it all seem that she's the victim.

The wives of the 'unfaithful husbands' will distrust their 'unfaithful husbands', will unknowingly trust the 'hyperly-sexually deprived victim', and unknowingly thinks that every word she said was true about their husbands.

But not all of them are taken in by her self-pity seeking, 'oh-I'm-the-victim-and-I'm-innocent' slutty ways. Some of them have played this game before, and know what she's thinking and what she will do next. After a lot of pondering and a little bit of acting, the wives of the 'unfaithful' husbands reacted back. 'Don't play with fire or you'll get burnt' is what it is. And this particular slut was playing with fire. She was playing with fire that will scald and scar for the rest of her life. She didn't know who she was dealing with.

And she will soon realise it when something dreadful will happen to her...when all the victimised guys will in turn take their revenge for ruining their lives and marriage. Just watch your back, girl.

But alas, she has failed to victimise the guy she dumped for another. Awwww... you lost a 'big fish' like twice? Guys with big cars, give all their attention to their loving wives? Awww... and you didn't get them.. you let them slip from your hands into other deserving women... Awwww... what a pity...

Awww.. and you tried to get them back thinking you can ruin their marriage so the husband will leave the wife and spend more time with you instead of your own husband who barely has time for your needs or listens to your problems... Humph! Trusting marriage between you and your husband? Talking problems out with your own husband instead of someone else's husband? Thinking that you're much better than their wives? Well, take a GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR, GIRL! You'll just see an OVERGROWN, OVERSIZED SEXUALLY-DEPRIVED BIMBO WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND TRUST.

Thanks to people like you, some of the 'victimised' husbands have grown to love their wives more than ever and grown to despise you more and more and even calling you a bitch or a slut who tries to ruin other's lives and marriages. In defence, she starts telling all her friends that she's the victim. DON'T BELIEVE HER! YOU'LL HAVE TO GET THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY BEFORE YOU JUDGE the so-called 'unfaithful' husbands OR her sympathetic plee for help for being THE 'VICTIM'.

Good luck to YOUR failing marriage, girl. Hope for the best for you... really.... NOT!!!!!
HOPE PEOPLE LIKE YOU BURN IN HELL.

ONLY GOD KNOWS AND PROTECTS THOSE WHO ARE BEING VICTIMIZED BY YOUR DECEIVING AND SINFUL ACTS OF TRYING TO DESTROY SOMEONE ELSE'S 'MASJID'. MAY YOU DESERVE THE PUNISHMENT IN HELL WHEN YOU DIE... AND HOPEFULLY SOON.. OR MAYBE GOD WANTS YOU TO MESS UP YOUR LIFE EVEN MORE BY MAKING U DO MORE SINS SO THAT YOU'LL BE FORCED TO EAT ROTTING FLESH IN THE AFTERLIFE EVERYDAY TILL END OF THE WORLD, OR EVEN THE EARTH WON'T ACCEPT YOUR DEAD BODY.

Good luck.

3DAYS 2NIGHTS CRUISE TO REDANG ISLAND ON BOARD SUPERSTAR VIRGO!

2007-03-30T01:29:00.000-04:00

Hi, all,
If you're planning your early June 2007 holidays, make sure you go on a cruise on board Superstar Virgo cruise to Redang Island, Malaysia.
Join us!

(click picture to see it in bigger version!)
Promotion Price valid for booking from now till 15th April 2007!
Limited cabins available!

Board the cruise at Harbour Front Centre, Singapore, enjoy the 24-hours ready buffet spread on board the ship, enjoy the open sea and enjoy all the entertainments on board for you like karaoke, olympic size swimming pool, jacuzzis, discotheques, casinos, live theatre shows, free movies in cinema, gelato ice-cream parlour, hair & beauty saloon, library, internet station, arcade games for kids, lots of souvenir shops on board, Indian, Chinese, Japanese & western restaurants on board, giant chess game available, basketball, mini-golf, King Neptune-themed children's pool and slides, FREE breakfast, lunch, tea-time, dinner & supper & free use of gym to burn all that fats that you've eaten!

Do you think I'm Sexy skinny as a model or with a bit more flesh?

2007-03-08T01:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, my weight puts me down - to the extend that people called me teddy bear, Mitchellin tyre, Shrek. Well, fine.. I'm overweight by 20kg but so what....I'm cute, I'm pretty, and fat people CAN sing and HAVE talents. In fact, I'm a jovial person but when I get put down by others, I feel like I'm useless.

My husband never wanted me skinny like models. He likes flesh. I don't mind my husband commenting on other girls so I can know him better and what he prefers and work on it to make him happy. People who don't understand our relationship, don't get it when I'm not jealous when he looks at other girls. But at least he's doing it in front of me and he never keep secrets from me. He tells me everything from what he eats, what he does at work, who he meets and what they talked about personally or in IMs. I too, tell him who I talked to, what I do at work, who I chatted with on IMs. Relationships are based on trust and we have that between us. Jealousy is not an option for us when there's nothing to be jealous about and when we never do anything wrong.

Anyways, back to the subject at hand.

He gets put off by girls who look like the breeze can blow them away. He hates girls who're too skinny like models. He likes people like Angelina Jolie, Renee Zelwegger (not sure how to spell her name), Jennifer Lopez, sexy but not skinny types and with a bit more flesh.

So I'm his type. But in anyways, I aim to lose about 10kg of my weight by end of this year. If I can lose more than that, it will be a blessing... but I don't aim to go all the way down to 48kg coz it's not my dream. I'd be very very happy if I could just be down till 55kg.

People may judge me by my looks all the time and clothes I wanted to buy is never available in MY size. So I end up wearing traditional 'baju kurung' which I only wear during Hari Raya celebrations.

I want to wear more nicer and fashionable clothes but I have to work on it. At the moment, I might have lost about 3 kg already... but I'm still working on it. Dieting, and by running up and down the stairs like more than 10 times a day. I don't weigh myself because if I do, I will fail at my goal to lose the weight. So I don't weigh myself. I just measure it by trying to put on my old clothes and see if it fits. hahaha... still can't tho. Have to work more on it.

Well, people! Give me an opinion. How would you guys prefer me to weigh like? Like Kate Moss, or Angelina Jolie or Renee Zellweger or Jennifer Lopez (coz I got the bootie) or even Beyonce Knowles ( whom I would love to be )?

Give me comments! Give me decent comments. No sex comments, please. This is a matter of health and not a porn thing. I hate that.

I'm Dreaming Of A Dream House In OZ

2007-02-07T01:27:00.000-05:00

I wonder when will I be able to enjoy my married life overseas. I am wondering when will I be able to move to OZ and have the house of my dreams, become a surrogate mother to zoo animals, and have lots of cats, sheeps, cows & horses around. But that's impossible if I were to get a house in the suburban area.

At least I can still dream of a landed property with a nice big garden to plant some fruits or vegetables for own consumption. And some nice botanical flowers for beautifying the house vicinity.

Dream.... dream about nice stone footpaths adorning the walkway leading towards the oak red front door. Along the footpaths will be showered with japanese roses that bloom every early morning. Upon reaching the door, there'll be nice haleconia palms shading the door from the sun...

Stepping in, I'll see a fireplace directly across the cosy living room, with dark leather loveseats and cow hide carpet below the glass oak coffee table. There'll be a dark leather single armchair just between the fire place and the oakwood bookcase. Next to the bookcase, there'll be a small potted arabian palm tree. My fat Blue Russian sleeping on the carpet by the fireplace.

My oak windows will be decorated pastel green curtains (the modern ones, NOT the country type ones) with strong green lined edges.

My dining room table will be raw oak with smooth surface and barks at the side - enough for 8 people. There will be irregularly shaped raw oak chairs for the table. There'll be bright yellow daisies or tulips with baby's breath in a tall clear glass vase, as centerpiece.

Yellow lightings (but energy saving ones) will make it a cozy atmosphere to dine in.
My bedroom will have a four-poster oak bed frame with 8-inch king size orthopedic mattress. Lay a 1000-thread cotton sheets in bright blood red and chocolate coloured comforters and pillow cases. Top of the four poster bed, covered with light beige coloured transluscent organza... Red fat candles on the bedside table, alongside fresh white flowers in a short glass vase.
Wow... imagine that... and that's only the house... I have not come to imagine the kitchen, bathroom, garden and backyard yet... hahah

MAKE IT HAPPEN, MY DEAR HUSBAND! AND I WILL COOK FOR YOU ALL YOUR FAVOURITE WESTERN DISHES AND DESSERTS IN THAT WONDERFUL DREAM KITCHEN EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE TILL YOU ZOOM IN YOUR CAR BACK HOME IMMEDIATELY FROM WORK TO TASTE My succulent Roast Beef, Rocket Salad, home-made baked jacket potato, Fusion tropical drink, lemon meringue pie for dessert. Mmm... got you salivating there, haven't I? Hey, I CAN cook you know.

Well, wish me luck with all these and I'll bet you all I'll be the best housewife a man could have. Coz I'm a very good cook when noone is around.

Starting a new me on 2007

2007-01-03T01:26:00.000-05:00

Stepping into the yr 2007, (which is really not that different from 2006 to me), I will try my best to change a few things about myself. Like trying to be a healthier me... tho I'm gorging on these perfectly soft and delicious (tiramisu-flavoured) donuts from J.Co (Batam, Indonesia).
I've taken a few steps to improve my health. Going for spa and traditional massages to get my blood circulation corrected and running... (veins all clogged and 'rusty' you know... I think they needed overhauling), I've taken natural home-made herbal drinks which is good for my whole body, recommended by my masseuse. I'll be going for regular 'womanly' check-ups in order to try and get a baby. All those things... but ONE thing I can't get myself to do is EXERCISE. I HATE exercising which is why all these sickness comes back.
But what I would love to do is play tennis with my husband. Tennis is his favourite sport. He never got around to doing it on a regular basis since he graduated from RMIT, Melb. but we are aiming to do that this year. (Cross my fingers). He'll teach me how to play, I hope and not whack the tennis ball on me all the time... hahaha!
I am also trying my bestest to change my dressing attitude. I am a bit 'tomboyish' and in that, I love wearing pants, jeans, rugged jeans, tee-shirts, funky tee-shirts, leather bracelets, hooded jackets, leather boots and gothic makeup. I'm not lady-like at all in terms of dressing up, if you ask me.
The only times I'll be ladylike is when it's festivities time or during an exclusive dinner & dance party or something. Other than that, I couldn't be bothered to. But now.. I'm really trying my best to wear a bit more ladylike. Like nice blouses, nice pants and formal jacket. Still pants, tho... I don't really like wearing skirts. I don't know... it just makes me feel more vulnerable. That's how I FEEL. Not because of any other things.
I do wear makeup everyday tho... even when I go out only for a while for dining out, or doing window shopping with my husband. That can be termed lady-like, can't it?
Well, YOU tell me.

I HATE LIARS AMONGST FRIENDS

2006-11-30T01:25:00.000-05:00

Very recently, it has come to my attention that my own friend had lied to me about all the drama in her life when I've been so honest with her. Well, anyone who lies to me does not deserve to be my friend. LIAR!

I've been so sympathetic at her ups and downs in her life and she got the cheek to lie to me in my face. After all these times, I've been so good to her.

Is that fair? Maybe I'm tooooooo naive to be trusting my own friends? Helped so much and yet stick a knife at your back.

And to think of it, I already know she's lying even before she left because I'm not the sort to trust people that easily.

Don't sweet talk me into being my friend. Friends deserve to be respected by me ONLY they are honest. When friends are not honest, they are not friends to me.

And to think that she thinks I'm stupid. I also have my own company to deal with, and my parents also have a company of their own. I'm not stupid. When it comes to solving a company's problems, it does not only take a while to solve.

Major illnesses in people also does not cure that fast! I am not that stupid. I knew you were a liar from the first time you told me that you are suffering this and that and you had to quit.
Be honest lah.. Friends should be honest with one another. Not lie to each other.

If you don't trust me, then don't tell me at all. Why tell me? Are you just telling me lies in order to cover up your loved ones ugly character? Are you just telling me dramatic stories of your life just to gain sympathy from me? Friends don't need to lie in order to gain sympathy. Friends need to be honest to gain my respect.

NO HONESTY, NO RESPECT FROM ME.
FRIENDS WHO LIED TO ME, DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE MY FRIEND AND DOES NOT DESERVE MY RESPECT.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO 'HONEST' WITH ME WHEN ALL THESE WHILE I WAS HONEST TO YOU....

GOODBYE.. FOR GOOD.

I hate people who are negative all the time.

2006-10-28T01:23:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I don't get why people are so negative of everyone else.

Examples:
1) People who are insecure of themselves, tend to think negatively about others so that they can feel more superior and confident about themselves. They also tend to criticise others when others are just doing what they like to do.

2) People who are insecure and have low self-esteem tend to fret and sulk about their jobs and having too much on their hands but never dared to speak their minds. They are scared that they will lose their job or they are either not confident to get other jobs thus they keep quiet and just get bullied into doing things they're not supposed to do for others.

3) People who are also insecure about their love life tend to go chasing around others while they still hold on to the one they think can secure their life in the future but don't want to commit yet. They feel the more they chase others, the more attractive they feel when in fact, they might be getting themselves into deep psychological problems later on when letting go of a habit they've got into.

4) People who are always interrupting what others have to say and always imposing on people to forcibly answer their questions but later don't want to listen to the answers are just bullies. Plain bullies have to do those things in order to feel that they are superior and to show people that they are not afraid when in fact, they are as meek as a mice in their hearts.

5) People who are insecure will always try to bully others who never talk back because they feel superior by doing that.

I just don't like it when people never give a chance to know others but criticise them just because they don't like that person's face or voice or attire.

That's not right. People should get to know others hearts first. Just because someone else is prettier or wealthier or better than yourself, does not mean that you have to hate them.
Wouldn't it be easier to treat everyone as your friend rather than your enemies?

I HATE PEOPLE BOTHERING ME WITH THEIR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ON OTHERS.IT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW SHALLOW MINDED AND BLACK-HEARTED YOU ARE.
SO BE NICE!

Hady Mirza!!! My Singapore Idol

2006-09-28T01:22:00.000-04:00

Finally, the day had come and gone. After weeks of voting for Hady Mirza, almost $100 spent on voting (sms & calls & not including phone calls to friends), Hady finally become the Singapore Idol Season 2!!!!

Not only he is good-looking, he is a very talented singer who takes the song, gives it back to all of us with a new twist using his own identity. The songs come alive when he sang them. Frankly , I don't mind that his 1st single be replayed on air for a thousand times a day!!!

THAT'S what you call talent.. Taking a song and making it his own. Nevermind about all the other 'karaoke' finalists. Add them all together, and it even BARELY sums up to Hadi's talent, let alone Taufiq from Season 1.

Man, Taufik really improved a whole lot with his singing, dontcha agree? But people always say he wears eyeliner. He denied saying that it's natural. I don't know and I really DON'T CARE! ALL that counts is he can sing!! He can sing good!!

He has become an inspiration to other guys to take the leap and making a difference in their own lives. Prove to the rest of them that it takes talent to become an idol... NOT jumping around like a monkey, or sounding like a tuba, or even being a potato sack with a cute face, or even with loud diva voice but no original personality.

Sure, I didn't notice Hady amongst the 12 finalist nor during auditions, but when he performs, it just took my breath away with his voice. Hey, showmanship can be developed through experiences, but with showmanship but no voice to match is really a dud. Just like a prancing pink monkey. You'll never get far.

After all, when people buy the CD albums, all they hear is the talented voice, NOT the prancing and jigglings of the crooner.

With a voice like Hady's, who's gonna care about prancing!? He awed the country with his vocals and it almost matched Taufik Batisah.

Sureeee, Jonathan Leong has the package for a profitable marketing strategy.. but to be able to BE an idol, you'll have to take on your own personality and feelings into what you sing or it will just be another karaoke contest. Sure, by just standing still there and bellowing from your lungs, you've got nothing to show except your voice but still... the voice is still in the so-so category.

Passing phase. You'll get famous by your hunkiness and your looks, but you'll never get far without a voice.

But even if you voted for Jonathan, would you want him to compete along with the amazingly out of this world talents from NZ, Aussie, Indonesia & Malaysia or whichever countries there are? Erm... if u play to win, I don't think you're gonna coz you'll be representing your country INTERNATIONALLY and most of all under an American standard of scrutinizing judges.

PLeeeeeeeassseeeeee.. DON'T embarrass your country just because you think the finalists are cute. Make your country proud to have a talented contestant to represent the dot of a country on the world map which made a global impact on other countries because of its success.
Singaporeans HAVE made the right choice by voting Hady as the Singapore Idol. That's something to be proud of.

Be as it is what you wanna say. FACE it, man! Hady IS Talented! You would be proud to have him represent our nation.

My Monthly Anti-stress Regime

2006-07-31T01:20:00.000-04:00

It's good to get away once a month to pamper yourself in a spa somewhere out of Singapore.
I came back rejuvenated every month after my spa full-body treatment of body scrubs, massage to rid off aches and pains of 1 months' worth of work hazards, 15 minutes in the sauna to rid of any excess water or toxins from the body and also a warm luxurious herbal bath to soothe your mind and body and improve your blood circulation and skin. All these with the sound of Traditional Gamelan or Sundanese songs in the background to relax your mind.

Followed by a hot ginger tea drink to rid of any unwanted gas in the body and for blood circulation. Just 110 mins a month is worth my money and to give myself some time off from the stress in the office and also other stresses that comes with life, be it with friends, colleagues, work or family. It's also a plus as you can get tips from your massuese on how to improve your 'body works'.

Away from Singapore is Batam. Always stayed in a prestige hotel with a great view at night, and a spa with privacy with professional massuese and not crowded at all. It's sooooo relaxing.... plus, I get to enjoy it with my beloved husband. It's like renewing my love life every month away from others in our own world. Just the two of us.

Now, come Monday. Back to work and stress but with a clearer head and refreshed body. Already planning on my next spa treatment date. This time, some of my friends want to follow since they've heard about my spa regime away from home.

If anyone knows of any luxurious spa treatment without the cost of a month's salary, OR the ones that NOT ONLY executives can afford but also low-paid employees can enjoy, please recommend me. Although I'm so used to the hotel and spa I go to every month, wouldn't hurt to share experiences here. So anyone can go to any spa they chooses or convenient and money's worth for them.

1DAY / 2DAYS DURIAN TOURS

2006-07-24T01:12:00.000-04:00

Hi, guys/gals,

For durian lovers, there's this 1 day trip EAT-AS-MUCH-AS-YOU-CAN durian or take the 2 days package and stay at the resort nearby and enjoy the family-funfilled day at Gunung Ledang Resort (Mount Ophir, Malaysia)

1 day Durian tour - 5th August 2006.
Adult - $58 Child - $48 (below 12 years old)
- Eat-As-Much-As-You-Can Durian
- Hi-Tea at the resort
- Entertainment by popular 60s artistes
- Best-dressed 60s costume contest
- Best 60s hairdo
- Shopping in Tangkak Town (on journey back)

2D1N Durian TourAdult - $153 Child - $103 (below 12 years old)
- Eat-As-Much-As-You-Can Durian
- Hi-Tea at the resort
- Entertainment by popular 60s artistes
- Best-dressed 60s costume contest
- Best 60s hairdo
- Best 60s Karaoke Competition
- Visit Tangkak Town Night Market
- 1 Dinner
- 1 Breakfast (Day 2)
- 1 Lunch (Day 2)
- Shopping in Tangkak Town (on journey back)

Please call the number stated at the bottom of the flyer on the left.
I'm going for sure. Just to destress on a short but fulfilling & fun vacation.
Come & join me, anyone??

Tired of this life

2006-07-21T23:57:00.000-04:00

Sometimes people just don't understand me. Even parents don't understand me. I'm sometimes a very sickly person when I'm not resting well.

Reason: I get overworked in the office and also at home doing everything for everybody. At work, I have to do stuff for the bosses, I get chased for deadlines, I get backstabbed by colleagues, pushed around by managers and overloaded with work.

When I get home, for once I'd like to rest, laze around and have a stress-free environment. I just wished our family is NORMAL blue-collared family. None of this 'own business' thing. I'm getting sick of people pushing me around for deadlines at work and at home.

At home, I've got to do advertisements and such. I don't mind if people give it to me about 1 or 2 weeks in advance so I can plan wat I'm doing with the materials they give to produce a better work product. But instead, people just don't understand how tired I am in body and mind after more than 8 hours in the office.

I come home and, lo and behold, more work for me. 'Get it done by tomorrow', 'Urgent! Please do it by today!', 'I need this to be like this and this but must be done within 2 days!', 'We have to compete with others in putting up adverts so that we get more customers!', 'The advertisement is done and nice but we need to make changes but must be done by tomorrow!' (This being at around 12 midnight everytime.)

I AM TIRED! EXHAUSTED! My energy and mind is not what it used to be! And WHY am I still stuck under this OBLIGATION to make the family business prosperous in exchange for my health!

I'm already suffering pains, and aches internally that nobody cared about to know. I am sick but I pretended not to be sick because my health isn't important. What's important is business have to go on! Yah! 'Business has to go on, if not who would pay for the house expenses, blah blah blah blah blah....' been ringing in my ear everyday for decades.

I AM ONLY A HUMAN BEING! NOT A ROBOT WHICH RUNS ON GAS OR BATTERY!I CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY BECAUSE OF EXHAUSTION. I SUFFERED IN SILENCE BECAUSE EVERYTIME I SPEAK MY MIND, people will say I'm obligated because they paid for my wedding and such and such. THEY always make me feel guilty that I WANT TO LIVE MY OWN PEACEFUL MARRIED LIFE! There's always this and that. There's always the 'Why won't you help us?' guilt-trip or the 'We are doing this for the sake of our own family' guilt-trip or the 'We are in need of your help. For once, help your own family. We need to survive.' guilt-trip.

As if I've not been helping them since the 1st day I started my job! I don't want to sound arrogant, but FACE IT! I'M THE ONLY ONE HELPING THEM NOWADAYS! BE IT MORAL SUPPORT, WORKLOAD OR FINANCIALLY! I DON'T HAVE MY OWN GOD-DAMNED LIFE! I DON'T NEED ANYTHING ELSE BUT PEACE OF MIND!

GUESS I WILL GET IT FINALLY WHEN I'M 6-FEET UNDER!
THEN it will be gooooooooooooooooooood luck to all....
I CAN'T ESCAPE,I CAN'T SEE,I CAN'T IGNORE,THE GUILT TRIP ON ME.
FOR I'M BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF,AND NOTICING THE MIDNIGHT OIL I BURN,A LITTLE APPRECIATION,IS THAT TOO HARD TO EARN?IF PEOPLE FEEL THAT I'M USELESS,THEN WHY CALL UPON ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?,WHY NOT CALL UPON THOSE WHO YOU DOTE ON?,AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO YOU CAN FACE?
WHEN FEELINGS ARE HURT,I AM TO BLAME,CAST ME ASIDE,AS IF I'M THE ONE THEY SHAMED.

WHEN SITUATIONS ARE TOUGH,I AM THE ONE THEY TURNED TO,EVEN THO PREVIOUSLY,I'M THE CAUSE, & THEY DESPISED ME TOO.

PERSEVERENCE AND PATIENCE,IS ALL THAT I HAVE TO HANG ON,BEFORE I FINALLY FLY THE COOP,TO LIVE MY LIFE ON MY OWN.

JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY,WHEN I'M FINALLY FREE OF BURDEN,THEN MAYBE I'LL BE HAPPY,AND MY HEALTH WILL RETURN.

14 - 16 June 2006 Holiday Cruise

2006-06-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

Hi, all,
For those who don't have any plans yet for the school holidays, bring your kids to a 3days 2nights cruise on board SUPERSTAR VIRGO to Pulau Redang this coming 14 - 16 June 2006. Royal Travel is organising this trip for Malay families in Singapore.

Honorable Guest includes Dato' Dr MashitahIbrahim, from Malaysia to hold a motivationalforum for all members of the family. Special Guests Artistes are Mastura Ahmad & Hussin Saaban to hype things up with fun & comedic family activities on board!

There are also plenty to do on board the ship (13th storeys high). Just to name a few of the facilities on board the ship. Watch movies for free in the cinema, watch cabaret shows in The Lido theater (not for kids), Karaoke, Olympic size swimming pool, 4 public jacuzzis, 1 King Neptune childrens' pool & water slides, major restaurants includes theTaj (halal cuisine) restaurant, Bella Vista (where you can dine in with the Captain), a chinese restaurant, etc, Gelato Ice-cream Palor, Library, Internet Stations, Hair & Beauty Salon, Children's Nursery (for too young kids to be taken care by professional babysitters and to let parents enjoy their evening), Gym (you can still sweat it out even on vacation), Aqua pool (swim as you might in a stationary position), Miniature golf, Basketballcourt, Cafes, souvenir shops, lounges, Discotech(not for underaged but it serves as multi-purpose hall in the daytime), giant chessboard, table-tennis, Casinos (for adults & non-muslims who just wanna gamble the night away), and other facilities I haven't discovered yet during my vacation on board 2 years ago. You can even watch the Captain navigate his ship in the Captain's Bridge and gain some knowledge about the ship's history and blueprints there too.

It's really a fun-packed vacation to go to and besides we'll be dropping by the gorgeous Pulau Redang to have a dip in the sea or use the facilitiesof a nearby resort (at your own expense).

Rooms alloted for Royal Travel cruise package is almost filled out. There are still cabins if you hurry.Prices range from $345 to $600++ persondepending on how many people in a cabin (max 4persons) or the type of cabin you desire.

Hurry and call 63682955 for your bookings. Only afew cabins left! I'm going with my husband, man!Can't wait to get on board for the 4th time (youwon't get bored I tell you!!)

The Start of a New Friendship

2005-08-27T00:04:00.000-04:00

Today I felt overwhelmed with the fact that every second counts. Woke up in the morning, even when a bit later than 9am, I seemed to be missing out on a lot of things when I could have woken up at exactly 9am.
Don't you think so?
Every second counts. Even when I'm typing, I feel that I'm aging a minute as life is too precious to be wasted on any laying around and doing nothing.
While I'm typing this, and thinking of words to say, the fingers on my hands are constantly cleaning stuff and putting aside things on this computer table.
I want to fill every second of my life. Don't say that I'm suffering from obsessiveness of time... coz I'm not.. I DO sleep you know to conserve my energy for the start of a brand new day.
Tomorrow, I planned on wasting time. Lay around doing nothing... But then I just remembered. I wanted to do something with my messy 'old-looking' hairstyle.
Such a wasted Sunday to spend laying around and watching TV when I could be doing something like creating my artwork or photography, or even do my hair. Go to a saloon and by just sitting there and doing nothing, I STILL get my hair done. Hmmmm... Am I compulsive?
No... There are times when I feel like doing absolutely NOTHING! But then, I told myself, why not make friends on the internet? Hey, I might not be a gorgeous 17-year-old model-looking like teenager but I'm just an ordinary 32-year-old wife who's doing everything she can to fulfill her life. Time is of a valuable essence.
Today, I planned on finishing at least half of my vacation home-video editing, clean my room up, do some of my personal pictures editing and have a fulfilling conversation with my husband when he gets home with lunch. Not planning on cooking today coz I've got other things to do with utmost urgency.
Well, back to the cleaning.. but I will be back! Anyone who wants to add me as friends, I'm welcomed. BUT one rule! NO dirty talk! That's all I ask. Friends?