I am with a heavy heart…

Standing here at the internet station in Terminal 1, I have 12mins surfing time remaining. Sigh….

I said goodbye to my mom who insisted that she send me off along with Cik Wahid, Cik Anim, Ajin, Cik Pozi, Cik Idah, Cik Ramli, Cik Jo, Adi, Aish, my younger sister, ‘Kikimora’, my Zoolanders friends, Zul ‘Ulat’, Kim ‘Kong’ (who got to meet me at T2, but had to go back early), Manzur ‘Giraffe’, Kak Xana ‘Anaconda’, Abang Yus ‘Scorpio’…….

I love you all.. especially my dearest Mom who hugged me for a good 5mins and cried… saying that she’ll be alone… she’ll be alone… My heart grew heavier by the minute but I can’t help the situation…

I told her to be strong for dad, always think of him when we were having a good time, to have his fond good memories and not the sad ones…

I am amazed at my strength for not crying in front of her…

People might say I’m cold-hearted… but I’m dying inside.

Just stepping foot beyond the immigration line into the Terminal, had my heart just dropped to the floor….

I am now pouring out my feelings here in the Internet station before proceeding to…. Gate C… U… Later…

I am just devastated…. but nobody knows except God HIMSELF…

I got to go…

My husband found someone online whom I grew up with along with my family and have been close to….

To tell him of the sad news of my father’s passing….

I am sure he’s going to be devastated and shocked.

To everyone out there who knows me….

I LOVE YOU ALL TO THE VERY END…

PLEASE HELP ME COMFORT AND CARE FOR MY MOTHER IN HER SAD TIMES.
REMIND HER OF THE FUNNY DAD… NOT THE SAD ONES….

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

It's been a year since...

People might not have wondered why I have not written for so long...

The reason being, I have no intentions of writing as much as I am now preoccupied with my new job in another country altogether.

To highlight those who HAVE ACTUALLY been reading my blog, here are a few updates of moi.

1) On February 2008, I've been transferred by the company I worked with to another country where they got a Facilities Management project to be managed. Also to be with my husband as he got the job as Operations Manager that same site in the same company. Our boss has this open mind concept, that if u are too far away from your family, you have less than 100% concentration on the job.

And so, I was also transferred to the same country and project site as my husband.
We've never been to that country before in our lives and so we try our best to live it day by day and knowing the culture and people here.

Pictures tell a thousand words so I shan't say much.. but u can take a look at the pictures....

2) 15th March - Flew off (though it upsets my parents, I knew that this was the best step for me.

So, now I'm working happily in this country along side my husband and a lot of other colleagues whom I now treat as my family here in this country.

We became close-knitted friends, having barbecues fortnightly by the pool, experiencing the culture here, the food, the politics, the unbelievable wealth of these people, and also what it means to be away from your own home country and not knowing anyone else except ur colleagues.

Anyways, I am happier before than I ever will be.

Well, here are some clips below...

























Well, u just saw my first 10 days out of the months I am here.

New Sayings for the Internet

1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C: is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.
19. Modulation in all things.
20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
21. There's no place like home.com.
22. Know what to expect before you connect.
23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
24. Speed thrills.
25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Enjoy!

New Year Again.. But makes no difference to me.

First of all,

Girly Comments & Graphics

Happy New Year to Everyone!!

I'm just living my life day to day.. It doesn't make any difference if it's the new year because my life is soooo boring, so disappointing that I never looked forward to a new year.

But then, being with friends on New Year's Eve and all, having a short weekend holiday is just some of the highlights in my life. It makes me happy for a while, when the rest of my loved ones just chose to ignore me totally and made me feel unwanted, unloved, unnoticed.

I'm just happier to be with my friends rather than stay at home..

People said 'Home is where the heart is..' But it's not so for me..

Anyways, I really enjoyed my holiday and looking forward to posting it in this blog as soon as I've edited the pictures.

Been tired and lazy lately because of lowered self-esteem.

Came back from holiday and noone even mentioned that they missed me. Saw my dad at the terminal, waiting for my mom. He chose to not talk a single word to me or my hubby when I handed him some thing I remembered to buy for him. Not even a thanks. He just stared at us and my friends till they're even scared to approach to greet him and pay respects.

One of them even said, 'Your dad looks pissed'. So he was scared to approach.

It's okay. I'm not anyone's daughter. I don't deserve the attention they dote on my younger brother and younger sister.

To me, I just keep myself scarce where I'm not wanted. Just to avoid any disputes. I'm tired...

How I think my friends are more caring than my own blood...How sad...

Blinking noisy neighbourS upstairs.. or is it just those 'things' making a hell of a racket coz they are not able to penetrate my humble abode to snatch some of my life's savings?

Well, let them make noise all they want, knocking on the ceiling, banging on my windows.. I don't give a rat's ass of that.

Couldn't sleep.

Just thinking of how shallow thinking these people are. I'm about to go on my vacation this weekend, .. well, tomorrow..oops.. it's already tomorrow..well, OKAY! Sunday, 7am! to pickup Ulat at the train station and head on down to our vacation destination with all the other friends who'll wait for us there.

Told my mom that I'm going on a trip with the company my husband's working in. She just asked me 'When?' 'Tomorrow' I said. She couldn't care less and just ignored me after that. So I just walked off into my room as usual. Hurt.

I know I've told them to stop bothering my life and scrutinise everything my husband do or I do, for that matter, in our lives. Doesn't mean they'd have to ignore me totally.

Now, living under one roof with the whole family. I still feel that I'm home alone.

Listening to the soft, rythmic snoring of my husband right now, the only comfort in my life is to assure myself that my marriage is strong and steady with him all the time and that it won't crumble (touch wood) like all the rest of the world's marriages.

Marriage is like a Souffle... You shout one hurtful word and the whole thing falls, crumbles, sink in. You stick a knife in it, it will go out of shape and remain that way.. tho it's still there.. it's not the same..

(sorry.. taking a moment to watch this beautiful giant python on tv in National Geographic.. woah... big snake..! Long and giant snake! These people are crazy!!!! They caught the snake that needed about 6 people to carry!! They're weighing that snake just to break record of the heaviest snake they've caught! sheesh!)

Oh ya.. back to the topic! Sorry... a bit sidetracked there.

Here I am, trying to do the best I can to keep my relationship as husband and wife with my hubby, people are just trying to ruin it. I don't understand why people have to be so jealous that we both are happy! I don't understand why people have to say hurtful things about my husband just to spike me against him!

"You cannot be totally honest to your husband! Certain things you must keep to yourself! What if he leaves you in the future and use all those against you? (Are you hoping that'll happen to us? Are you telling me now that you don't like my husband after a couple of years knowing him and THEN you decide that he's no good for me and trying your best to poison my mind against him for the following 2 yrs? What the hell you allow me to get married to him for in the first place? Couldn't you have said something before the wedding? Well, I guess SOME people are never satisfied with their lives that they had to ruin other's happy lives!)

People are just jealous that I have a husband who's caring, soft-spoken, considerate, helpful, a great cook, who dotes on me, takes care of me 100% when I'm sick, buys me stuff to keep me from being lonely when he's busy at work, who brings me to a spa every month, who is a graduate from Australia with honors, who's earning twice as much as my fuckin' ex-fiance and who says that he will remain faithful with me till we grow old even if we don't have kids!

Jealous yet? Of course!!! Because my life previously was a stinking pile of shit that everyone looooves to take advantage of. I had no life, so they made me commit to helping them throughout!

But now that I'm married, it seems that they're feeling that I'm being pulled away from the family and that they feared that they can't get my help anymore..

Being bullied, when I told them to tell me in advance what they wanted me to do so I'd have ample time to prepare and get it ready for them.. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... they prefered to tell me at the last minute and wee hours so that I'd spend my time helping them instead of spending precious times with my hubby in bed!

There! I said it!

So now.. when my husband's pissed off at the constant inconsiderations, and I wanted a little bit of privacy... they decided to be childish and totally ignored me.. and THEN said.. "oh. I thot you and your husband want some PRIVACY.. so we thought we can't disturb you or tell you ANYTHING at all!"

Wow... how childish can you be? How old are you, by the way?

I'd rather be with friends, who never compared me, who always try to help me, who always supported me in anything I wanted to do unless it's bad and they would advice me based on experiences.

I'm fuckin 34 years old, for god's sake! Don't they think that I should learn to live on my own with my own husband??? Don't they think that I am ALLOWED to make bad decisions and wrong execution of my life? NOBODY would learn ANYTHING if they're not allowed to do these things rather than to stick to their family's rules all the time.

Plus, other members of the family, chose to ignore me after I was being humiliated in front of my husband by them and yet my mother just snide and smiled at the corner of her mouth and never tried to do anything to stop it from happening. She never defended me because she thinks I have someone to defend me and I'm married to him.

erm.. helllow!! They're still under your care! I'm the eldest! You let them talk to me like that?? After years and years of sacrifices I've made for them?

Oh.. I guess they forgotten after they've reached puberty that somehow depleted them of some braincells that gives them a good brain to think what is wrong or right. Oh, and they're old enough to get married.. oh.............. I forgot!!!!! They can't get married because their wife or husband will be criticised and they will get humiliated in front of them!!!

Riiiiiighhttt!!!!!!!

You dote on them, thinking they'll support you at your old age.. but guess what... if they're willing to turn a cold shoulder on me for the slightest things and can barely stand to be in the same room with me, how would you know that they won't do that to you in the future... They're too conceited to see my sufferings and sacrifices all these while because YOU chose to keep it a secret from them! Which made them think that I'M the one who is disobedient and inconsiderate!

PISS OFF!

We'll see who has the last laugh!

As Bon Jovi said, IT'S MY LIFE! AND HAVE A NICE DAY! YOU SHALLOW-THINKING IMMATURE PEOPLE! I REALLY DON'T NEED YOU, AT ALL.